"Sense and Sensibility": What Jane Austen can teach us about emotional chastity

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I have heard some religious warn about engaging in “particular friendships,” and I can see how that might apply especially to vowed religious. But I think the caution about “emotional chastity” also applies to the laity, particularly in our own era when many people are prone to wear their emotions on their sleeve when a little reticence might be in order.
 
I think the author of the article missed the point of the book. Although, the point that he did pull out of it isn’t completely without value, but I just don’t think it’s very relevant to anything I see going on in society today.

Where are men going around emotionally manipulating women? I’m not aware that this is a problem, especially for seminarians.
 
Of course but it’s not a cultural trend that women are getting sucked into. But it was a trend when Sense and Sensibility was written. And it was written to counter the “sensibility” trend.

There will always be some men that try to manipulate women into a “relationship”. Fifty years after Sense and Sensibility was published there was the character Fantina in Les Miserables. What a pitiful character.
 
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1Lord1Faith said:
Where are men going around emotionally manipulating women?
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Seriously?

When a married man tells a woman not his spouse that his wife is cold and their marriage a sham…

When a man tells a woman how wonderful she makes him feel…

When a man does anything to imply that he is head over heels for her…

… for the purpose of getting her to attach to him emotionally so that he can get her into bed.

Women do this sort of thing too.
1Lord1Faith said:
I’m not aware that this is a problem, especially for seminarians.
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People can also slip into emotional unchastity inadvertently. This is when someone reveals aspects of the self which are inappropriate for the level of intimacy of the situation.

So, a youngish priest is friendly with a young woman who is somewhat shy but feels “safe” with the priest, so between the two of them, a friendship develops which can easily lead to deeper feelings on either side or both.

Which is how people get into trouble…
 
1Lord1Faith said:
Of course but it’s not a cultural trend that women are getting sucked into. But it was a trend when Sense and Sensibility was written. And it was written to counter the “sensibility” trend.

There will always be some men that try to manipulate women into a “relationship”. Fifty years after Sense and Sensibility was published there was the character Fantina in Les Miserables. What a pitiful character.
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It isn’t confined to that, emotional unchastity can lead to distractions and obsession that aren’t good to the individual.
 
Annie said:
So, a youngish priest is friendly with a young woman who is somewhat shy but feels “safe” with the priest, so between the two of them, a friendship develops which can easily lead to deeper feelings on either side or both.
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Good grief. You’re describing normal human behavior as if it’s icky or something. I’m sure young priests are aware that they are not supposed to develop an “intimate relationship” with a young woman.
Annie said:
Which is how people get into trouble…
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I disagree about that. When a relationship goes beyond its intended limits is when people get into trouble.

Some people/priests may not be able to handle more intimate type relationships, not sensual, but just intimate. But some can. So blanket statements about “emotional chastity” seem overly fearful.
 
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1Lord1Faith said:
Good grief. You’re describing normal human behavior as if it’s icky or something. I’m sure young priests are aware that they are not supposed to develop an “intimate relationship” with a young woman.
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No, I emphasized for the purpose of getting her into bed. He is not being honest and is manipulating her for his own purposes.

And women also do this. It is not just men.
1Lord1Faith said:
I disagree about that. When a relationship goes beyond its intended limits is when people get into trouble.
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When the friendship goes a little beyond the line, it has gone beyond it’s intended limits.

And when people hang out right near the line, they are in danger. There’s a reason that the Act of Contrituon includes the part about avoiding the near occasion of sin.
1Lord1Faith said:
So blanket statements about “emotional chastity” seem overly fearful.
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First, each person must know his or her own limits.

But! they must also consider the limits of the person they are having the relationship with.
 
1Lord1Faith said:
I think the author of the article missed the point of the book. Although, the point that he did pull out of it isn’t completely without value, but I just don’t think it’s very relevant to anything I see going on in society today.

Where are men going around emotionally manipulating women? I’m not aware that this is a problem, especially for seminarians.
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There are plenty of men who give up on a relationship if the woman does not fall into bed with them.within the first few dates, and will certainly try to guilt women into thinking they ‘owe’ them sex in return for a date or a gift.

Thats for starters.
 
RC67 said:
Well, I read the article. The part about priests in seminary learning to guard their hearts seems a little borderline unhealthy. Yes, we should not be rash with our emotions around people we hardly know, but we are all human-- including priests. And I, for one, am glad they are!
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Yeah, I’m kind of on the border with that one as well. As a seminarian studying for priesthood, I have several close female friends, and I think I am a more well-rounded, well-formed person for it.

On the other hand, there is certainly a need for priests and seminarians to “guard their hearts” to a certain degree. It’s especially important for priests to have healthy boundaries and to have the awareness to know when a relationship is getting close to that boundary. This has to do both with keeping the priest from falling into temptation or making a poor choice, as well as to minimize the chance of scandal.
 
Unfortunately that is a lot more common than we think.

A lot of people think dates are like transactions, I pay for dinner and some entertainment, you give sex in return.
 
In the incident from the novel which the author uses as an example, nobody was even trying to get the other party into bed. He was addressing not just physical boundaries but emotional boundaries, in which emotional feelings were expressed way too soon in the relationship.
 
Yay! One of my faves. In some ways better than Bride and Prejudice (though both star Aishwarya Rai).
 
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