Separate bank accounts

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puppylove

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This is very distressing:( to me, but how many of you out there have separate bank accounts from their spouse? And if so, how does it work for you? We were told by a counselor that having separate bank accounts isn’t being married. How do you feel about this?
 
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puppylove:
This is very distressing:( to me, but how many of you out there have separate bank accounts from their spouse? And if so, how does it work for you? We were told by a counselor that having separate bank accounts isn’t being married. How do you feel about this?
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We don’t have anything separate, now. Years ago when I worked full time we had joint and individual accounts however we had access to each other’s account and nothing was hidden.

I think sometimes there are trust issues when people start separating parts of their lives and that is a concern.

SV
 
yeah- we deliberately did not have seperate accounts – my DHs parents did and still do and to me its very very different from my family where each family has 1 account. His parents divide up the bills and theres been tension over the ‘fairness’ of who is paying the phone bill because at first the husband was paying but he thought he shouldnt have to pay because most of the long distance was the wife calling her fam-- so they finally switched and she pays the phone bill and he pays something else.

I dont think you necessarily would have issues if you had seperate accounts, but I think youre setting yourself up for certain situations-- where having a joint account lends itself to its own ‘problems’. The difference to me is that the “problems” you might think you have with a joint account are “problems” that should build your character. I can see how having individual accounts can be seen as not giving yourself over to marrige- to the idea that we are one household-- that we are in it for the long haul-- that we are donating all we have to the idea of our family. The idea that you have something thats just “yours” and doesnt belong to your husband or your family is a little dangerous maybe for what living out marriage sacramentally would call for.
–K
 
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puppylove:
This is very distressing:( to me, but how many of you out there have separate bank accounts from their spouse? And if so, how does it work for you? We were told by a counselor that having separate bank accounts isn’t being married. How do you feel about this?
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there was a time we had seperate bank accounts (for years) and it was not an issue… it was more for convenience and it helped us budget… the bookkeeping got a little hairy at times but as i say it was not an issue… i suppose the motivation for the seperate accounts is the question… don’t have enough fact to give you much help… bottom line? If you guys don’t care, go for it! 👍
 
I guess if we were committed enough to become “one flesh”, we could become “one bank account”.

Speaking for my wife and I, having “my account” versus “your account” would be another manifestation of selfishness, i.e., worrying about myself as separate from being concerned about “us”. My biggest challenge in marriage has always been to let go of my residual, innate, selfishness.

My opinion, worth what you paid for it.
 
Like has been mentioned already. It depends on the reasoning behind the seperate bank accounts. My wife and I maintain seperate bank accounts, but both of us have access to money in both accounts.

We maintain two different accounts for a few reasons, but the primary one is that her car was bought before we were married and we are still paying for it out of her account via direct debit to that bank. Closing that account would involve more work and paperwork then would be necessary. After the car is payed for we will probably close off the seperate account.
 
We have seperate bank accounts. Not out of trust issues, but for all the online work I do. So it is more a business account than a personal account. I do a lot of consignment selling/buying with money in the account. I thought it would be a good idea since I didn’t want to take out of our personal savings when I was properly setup-I wanted to add. It is no secret I have the seperate account and my spouse thought it was quite responsible of me.

When I first got married everyone told me to get a seperate account just in case something happened. In my eyes, getting a seperate account for this reason meant I didn’t trust my marriage 100%. Its one thing to have a seperate account out of necessity (like the situation above), but when it is a situation where a spouse is keeping “escape money” or a secret bank account…that is another thing.

Plus when one gets divorced (not to open another can of worms), doesn’t the money one has in their personal account become community property to be divided?
 
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Carmetta:
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Plus when one gets divorced (not to open another can of worms), doesn’t the money one has in their personal account become community property to be divided?
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That depends on the state you are in. In Missouri if you have assets (money, property etc) in your name before you marry as long as you NEVER co-mingle the funds (ie your spouse putting money in etc) then in a divorce situation those assests are not considered marital property to be divided.

SV
 
We only have one account… It has always been that way. I can’t really think of a reason why we would need or want two. It is our money, not his /hers. I think it also benefits our children. They see how we manage our finances together.
 
We have one bank account. I manage all the money. I write all the checks. She does not have access to the account. My wife does not have money management skills.

We use a joint budget and discuss where money goes after the basics (housing, utilities, food, some medical)

My parents always have had two accounts and it has made it easier on both of them. They have very different styles of managing money and would find it extremely difficult to work a joint account. My father writes my mother a check to augment what moneys she gets each month to help cover which bills (and luxuries, such as gifts for the grandchildren.) she covers.
 
We’ve always had joint accounts, though for business purposes I can certainly understand wanting something separate for the business. I wouldn’t call that an individual account, though. Even if it is in the proprietor’s name it is still really a business account isn’t it?
 
T.A.Stobie:
We have one bank account. I manage all the money. I write all the checks. She does not have access to the account. My wife does not have money management skills.

We use a joint budget and discuss where money goes after the basics (housing, utilities, food, some medical)

My parents always have had two accounts and it has made it easier on both of them. They have very different styles of managing money and would find it extremely difficult to work a joint account. My father writes my mother a check to augment what moneys she gets each month to help cover which bills (and luxuries, such as gifts for the grandchildren.) she covers.
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Just for clarification purposes…does your wife have access to the account in case of emergency etc?

SV
 
St Veronica:
Just for clarification purposes…does your wife have access to the account in case of emergency etc?

SV
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No, she has little control over spending money. If she thinks there is money, she will spend it. I used to give her a credit card for those purposes, but since having to declare bankruptcy, even that is gone. We can not even afford most health care right now. Budget is extremely tight.

In addition, even though the credit card was for emergencies only, it was used regularly for non-emergency purchases. 😦

Right now if there is an emergency and she cannot contact me, she can contact my father.
 
T.A.Stobie:
No, she has little control over spending money. If she thinks there is money, she will spend it. I used to give her a credit card for those purposes, but since having to declare bankruptcy, even that it gone. We can not even afford most health care right now. Budget is extremely tight.
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Not trying to pry…I just have a real concern for your wife (children?) if there was something that happened to you (bad accident or death)…that she would not have acess to any funds. I trust you have made provisions for someone to handle these things for your family in case something does happen to you?

SV
 
St Veronica:
Not trying to pry…I just have a real concern for your wife (children?) if there was something that happened to you (bad accident or death)…that she would not have acess to any funds. I trust you have made provisions for someone to handle these things for your family in case something does happen to you?

SV
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yes. and We have no children. Once the bankruptcy is completed and my wife has found a job, I hope we have more flexibility.
 
T.A.Stobie:
yes. and We have no children. Once the bankruptcy is completed and my wife has found a job, I hope we have more flexibility.
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Sorry to hear you have no children …and I will pray that your situation will be eased.

SV
 
We have separate bank accounts … but both are joint. I use one for paying the mortgage, gas, electricity, etc. And my husband uses the other for household expenses, etc.

Each of us has access to the other account in cases of emergency, but generally just uses one of them.
 
What’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine. That’s our philosophy. The fact that we were so interdependent was a large factor in our staying together during the toughest and darkest days of our marriage. I advise against ANYTHING that keeps a couple from being united as one. Of course we are seperate people with different interests, but we have a untied vocation that supercedes everything else (other than our personal relationships with God). Our financial resources are just an extension of that unity.
Sadie
 
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