Separated~ need parenting advise

[Mama058]

I am going thru a (civil) divorce. My spouse and I decided a few years back before our separation to get married in the church and to raise our children in the Catholic church. Now that we are separated, I find it hard to raise our children because my spouse isn’t being an example or someone they should look up to right now. I fear that when my children aren’t around me because they are still babies that he may influence them to stir away from the Catholic faith.

 

[Irishmom2]

I am sorry you are going through this. I think the best way for you to handle this, is to make sure that you are a good example to your children at all times. Even when people remain married, there can be a difference of opinion on what is right, or how to act or be a Catholic. Children, if presented with a good role model, may decide to follow you and not your husband. It may not seem like they are listening, but they are.

One further caution, do not put their father down when correcting their behavior. If they complain that Dad doesn’t make us go to church, do not say that dad is a jerk. Instead tell them that you have no control over Dad, but in your home, this is what we do. In time, your children will see for themselves the true nature of what is going on without a word from you. May God bless you and guide you.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I am going thru a (civil) divorce. My spouse and I decided a few years back before our separation to get married in the church and to raise our children in the Catholic church. Now that we are separated, I find it hard to raise our children because my spouse isn’t being an example or someone they should look up to right now. I fear that when my children aren’t around me because they are still babies that he may influence them to stir away from the Catholic faith.

You have a true concern. Is there any possibility of reconciling, counseling, etc.? It is very common for divorce to cause a problem with the children spiritually. If the parents aren’t united in their faith, it’s a pretty good bet the children will end up not believing anything because either Daddy or Mommy undermines the other one when the kids are with them.

If divorce is inevitable, about all you can do is try to get things into the divorce agreement such as continuing to take the kids to Mass, to their classes for First Communion, etc. But if there is animosity, that can be a weapon used to hurt you via the children.

The best thing would be a healed marriage.

 

[Luna_Lovecraft]

I am going thru a (civil) divorce. My spouse and I decided a few years back before our separation to get married in the church and to raise our children in the Catholic church. Now that we are separated, I find it hard to raise our children because my spouse isn’t being an example or someone they should look up to right now. I fear that when my children aren’t around me because they are still babies that he may influence them to stir away from the Catholic faith.

This is one of the perils of a two-home upbringing. It’s been my experience that kids are pretty good at figuring out which parent has it together and which one doesn’t. And they understand this is a fairly young age, too. My stepdaughters were about seven when they started articulating their observations on their mother’s wonky behavior.

If/when your children notice that dad doesn’t seem to be leading a solid, moral life, assure them that he does indeed love them despite his faults. Children need tons of that kind of assurance.

When they’re at your home, do your best to bring them up in the Faith. This will count for a lot as they grow up.

Never denigrate their father to your kids. Ever. If he’s really off the rails, work through your attorney and the courts to mediate his behavior around the kids. If you need to vent, get a counselor. Don’t use your children as therapists or sounding boards.

Luna