Seriously questioning my beliefs

[AIPM1615]

Same with my father, who was seriously brain injured in a car accident when I was six. If only things had been the slightest bit different, he would have never gotten hurt at all, and I would have grown up with a dad.

It’s so unthinkably tragic, how these things play out… children left without parents, parents without children, all in the blink of an eye. It may have been a long time ago, but I’m sorry for your loss. I really am. Something that stays with you forever no doubt…

My friend was declared brain dead when he got to the hospital. They couldn’t detect activity at all. The staff was preparing to pull the plug & his mom was climbing into the bed to cradle him… when he suddenly responded to their last effort with a deliberate “thumbs up.” It gave us all so much hope, almost seemed miraculous. He continued to respond with small gestures, hand squeezing, and toe wiggling on command for the next week. No broken bones or other injuries to speak of. We thought he could beat it. Then, suddenly, he passed. We aren’t really sure why. It was (and is) most grueling time of my life.

I’m just glad he got to spend his last days surrounded by family. They talked to him, read to him, sang childhood songs, talked about how the Patriots were doing… That’s better than dying on the cold pavement. And if one believes in God, the sacraments, eternal life, then the priest’s visit makes all the difference. I wish I could find solace in that.

 

[Prodigal_Son]

AIPM1615, I cannot recommend highly enough a song by the musician Rich Mullins, called “Hard to Get”. It was one of the last songs that he wrote before he died, I believe. I’ll quote a few of the lyrics here: even typing them is a bit therapeutic.

You who live in Heaven hear the prayers of those of us who live on Earth,
Who are afraid of being left by those we love, and who get hardened in the hurt.
Do you remember when you lived down here where we all scrape
To find the strength to ask for daily bread?
Did you forget about us after you had flown away?
Well, I memorized every word you said.
Still I’m so scared I’m holding my breath,
While you’re just up there playing hard to get.

Well, I know you bore our sorrow, and I know you feel our pain.
And I know it would not hurt any less even if it could be explained,
And I know that I am only lashing out at the one who loves me most.
But after I have figured this all out, what I really want to know

Is if you who live in eternity hear the prayers of those of us who live in time?
We can’t see what’s ahead and we cannot get free of what we left behind.
I’m reeling from these voices that keep screaming in my ear,
All these words of pain and doubt, shame and regret.
I can’t see how you’re leading me unless you led me here
To where I’m lost enough to let myself be led.
And so you’ve been here all along I guess,
It’s just your way and you are just plain hard to get.

I believe he wrote that song shortly before he died in an auto accident. He never recorded it in a studio, since he died first. Hard to get, indeed.

 

[exnihilo]

You have my sympathy and prayers. I understand how life can throw you for a tailspin. I had some really bad things happen to me, including the death of a close friend, at the begging of the summer and I’m still recovering. I won’t say this caused me to stop praying as much, because that is my doing, but the sorrow influenced me.

I think we have to separate our feelings from the truth. Our feelings are not guides to the truth. In fact our feelings can easily lead us away from the truth. And, what is most virtuous is doing what is right despite our feelings. So praying when we don’t feel like it is especially virtuous.

Finally, I would question your claims that science has proven we are pure material beings and our intellect etc. are all products of the brain. For me the fact that I am quite confident we so obliviously aren’t pure material beings helps me in times when my faith is weak. There are plenty of good sources who show we aren’t pure material beings. Ed Feser is one who has done and is doing a lot of good work on the mind.

 

[catholic1seeks]

I don’t believe that God, if he’s real, orchestrates tragedy. But I sure wish there was a reason. Something. Anything.

I don’t believe he does either.

By meaning, I mean that God gives ultimate meaning. Death is not without purpose in Christian faith: It doesn’t have the last word.