Setting boundaries with elderly

  • Thread starter Thread starter Anglewannabe
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
A

Anglewannabe

Guest
There is this lady I see often at socials that I imagine would be well over 85. I have know her for over 15 years. I have always found her unpleasant to be around. She has a full deck and knows very well what she is doing. She has always been full of herself and brags about everything she has. She also has NO compassion. She knew I was not working and asked about the job hunt. When I politely said ‘I do not want to talk about it’, she laughs and says ‘Angie doesn’t want to talk about the her job hunt isn’‘t that something.’ I strongly suspect she is just has always been one of those ill mannered people.

Whenever we are in the same room, I avoid her like the plague. She always has false nails that are way too long (IMO) and every time she talks to me, she comes really close and waives her hands near my chest. I gently turn to the side since I find her waiving her hands in my chest annoying at best. She just moves in front of me and continues to waive her hands in my chest and glue her nose on mine. Finally one day she grabbed my arm and I immediately blurted out ‘You can not touch me’. As aggressive as that was, the sad truth is that is the ONLY way for her to not touch me.

Well, the last time I saw her, she has a little stool she puts her feet on when she sits. I am assuming it is for her back. Well, she said she wanted to sit else where and asked me to pick up her stool and move it to another chair. So as I bent down to grab the stool, she cam beside me and put her arm around my waist :eek:

I HONESTLY can not take her touching me. She has a very annoying grab. Everyone is supper nice to her because she has had serious health issues lately. I am sorry, but she was just as annoying to me before her health issues.

I have tried to be polite and ask her not to touch me, I have tried to stand back everytime she comes near me. The only thing that works is to bark ‘Don’t touch me’ and at least she leaves me alone for the rest of the evening.

Any advice. She might be old, but she knows full well what she is doing

Angie
 
Keep telling her not to touch you as necessary and give her a wide berth. That’s OK. Just because everyone is nice to her does not mean that they find your repulsion at having her grab you the least bit surprising or impolite. There are probably many of them who discreetly keep a pew between themselves and Ol’ Lady Grab Nails, too. Just because you have some affection for someone does not mean you aren’t very much aware of their faults! (I’m more concerned that they keep her away from any small children she might grab; she sounds like the kind of eccentric that would scare a lot of kids.)
 
Reminds me of a lady who I rented a room from. I didn’t last a month and moved out!
 
Well you could cut your toenails and put them in a face cream and present it to her at Christmas. Or you could trip her inadvertently when no one is looking. Or you could just forgive her. Some people exist that you cannot stand a bar of in some natural way. You need to avoid these people as an occasion of sin as they bring out the worst in you. I cannot suffer fools gladly and often find myself tempted with a bon mot that will cut them to the quick. However this will make me a lesser man. I don’t believe you can let her touch you. Just be politely firm. I feel for you, I would be so sorely tempted…
 
Sometimes you just need to slap them around, BUT… we can’t do that can we…
I had an EX Brother-in-law … what a pain in the neck… could never end a sentence without some smart remark… I COULD"NT STAND THE CREEP…
BUT… Not Allowed to slap him around… might offend someone…
but it was fine for him to offend me wasn’t it… So I was where you are now…
Some people are like an aggravating itch which you just can’t do anything about…
and you get so upset ,they eat at you…
what that does, it’s like you drink a bottle of poison and expect them to die…
there laughing and your suffering…
So what to do ?
You yourself must gain more confidence in yourself… easier said than done maybe…
But you just must speak more firmly towards her at every occasion … speak with authority.
ask her to pick something up for you… ask her while she is getting a cup of tea to get you one as well… ask her to do things for you… and when she refuses, which she will…
just make a joke … oh you poor old thing… Arthritis in the arm huh …
or some other comment… it might backfire perhaps, so choose your battlefield well…
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top