Sex after divorce

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flowergirl

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Am I committing adultery if I have sex after divorce without an annulment?
 
It is actually my civilly divorced spouse who now has a girlfriend-who used to be a friend of mine. He even brings her to Mass where I also attend. She has been divorced 4 times and he participates in the Church as Lector and various committees. Its very upsetting.
 
It’s not adultery, but it’s also not wise. If he’s having a sexual relationship with his girlfriend, he could be putting you at risk of infections or diseases. It may be a good idea for you to get yourself checked out for that.
 
flowergirl said:
Its very upsetting.
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I’m sure it is. I’d encourage you to get some individual counseling.

You are making yourself sexually available, hoping for reconciliation. He does not sound equally committed to reconciliation. Guard your heart. If he wants to reconcile, actions speak louder than words. Counseling, ceasing dating others, commitment to return to the home and remarry civilly should precede resumption of sexual intimacy.

Otherwise he is using you, and what if you become pregnant? What if the girlfriend does? What if your ex is having relations with numerous women? Protect your heart AND your health— do not have relations with him!

Talk to your pastor, and seek his guidance.
 
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Yeah. Marital reconciliation is supposed to be a mutual thing.
 
flowergirl said:
It is actually my civilly divorced spouse who now has a girlfriend-who used to be a friend of mine. He even brings her to Mass where I also attend. She has been divorced 4 times and he participates in the Church as Lector and various committees. Its very upsetting.
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And you are considering sex with this person?
 
Oh no! I don’t communicate with him unless its about our kids. He has become very infatuated with her and her enhancements. He wasn’t like that for most of our 38 yr civil marriage. Fear that the devil has taken him over.
 
Thank you for your advice and concern. The civil divorce was final two years ago and we are over 60 so no worries about pregnancy. I decided to be chaste, which surprisingly was very easy, once I started reading the Bible more and attending bible study classes. I have God on my pedestal now and not my husband. I still Love him but couldn’t live with the hurts. We both failed at turning to God for help. I hope if someone is reading this will turn to God for help and not your friends or societal pressures. May have turned out differently.
 
flowergirl said:
Oh no! I don’t communicate with him unless its about our kids. He has become very infatuated with her and her enhancements. He wasn’t like that for most of our 38 yr civil marriage. Fear that the devil has taken him over.
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Oh, so you are asking whether it is adultery for HIM to be having sex with this other gal? Yes, it would be.
 
Yes. Sex outside marriage is a sin. That marriage must also be good and proper in the eyes of the church.
We really should not be commenting on the situation you describe your spouse to be in. We do not know the intimate details of their friendship, though very heartbreaking for you.

That being said, if it is sex between you and your spouse, with whom you were married in a form recognised by the Church, you are not sinning. However, if you engage in birth control or protected sex, you are sinnng.
 
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This seems like a complex matter since you’re not asking about yourself but your ex-spouse. I have to wonder what the motivation is behind asking if your ex-spouse is committing adultery. It seems that would be an issue between him and the church and him and God. Your involvement doesn’t seem appropriate unless it is impacting underage children. Even then, it’s a stretch.

Perhaps you should seek council from your priest?
 
jvickers said:
This seems like a complex matter since you’re not asking about yourself but your ex-spouse. I have to wonder what the motivation is behind asking if your ex-spouse is committing adultery.
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The ex-spouse is having a public relationship with the OP’s friend whom she knows has been divorced 4 times. The ex-spouse and the friend are even coming to church together and the ex-spouse is serving as a Lector and on committees. It’s not clear whether the priest knows about any of this.

Aside from this being disturbing to the OP, there’s a possibility here of a public scandal given that the ex-spouse is serving the Church in a public way.

OP, please talk to your priest. If he has already talked to your ex-spouse about the situation and has decided for whatever reason to let your ex-spouse continue in the Lector and committee positions, then it’s his responsibility and you will have done your bit to let him know. In that case you’ll just have to put up with your ex-spouse’s behavior or find another Catholic church to attend.
 
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Our Sacrament of Marriage is still valid. Therefore, he is still my husband. I still love him and am worried for his soul not to be allowed in Heaven. I realize this is ultimately his concern to repent, I gave details because wanted insight into the different facets of what he is doing. I feel the Priest is choosing to look the other way. I did attend another Church for a while, but returned as it has always been the Church that I attended and have many connections and involvement there. Hopefully he will stop bringing her there or if its Gods Will, he will pursue a nullification. I will never understand some mens behavior once they reach a certain age and pleasing themselves becomes more important then following Gods teachings.
 
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Unfortunately, if the priest has chosen to “look the other way”, there is not much else but pray for your ex-spouse and friend.

It is a difficult situation, I will pray for you to cope with it the best you can with God’s grace.
 
That’s very awful for him to be doing! I’m sorry!

It must be extremely hurtful!

I dont believe the priest should be neglecting the situation… but I’m inclined to believe what you are saying.
 
Has anyone else read the original post? She is asking if she is sinning if she has sex with this man. I just wonder, OP, why would you want to? The woman he is with now has had multiple sex partners, so, for one thing, he maw have sti’s. You don’t need that! Also, there is something deeper that you should speak to your priest about. Are you doing this to try and get him back? You may find that you are participating in his sin, by being available to him. It’s sort of like letting him have two wives. It’s very wrong. Because he did something wrong, you can’t make it right by participating. You really need better spiritual advice than you can get here.
 
I think she didn’t express her self properly in the original post. If you read subsequent posts, she clarifies her position.
flowergirl said:
Oh no! I don’t communicate with him unless its about our kids.
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flowergirl said:
I decided to be chaste, which surprisingly was very easy, once I started reading the Bible more and attending bible study classes. I have God on my pedestal now and not my husband. I still Love him but couldn’t live with the hurts.
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She is asking if it would be for him to have sex with another woman.
 
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