Sex after sexual abuse

[T432]

Disclaimer-I’m hoping that it’s permissable to have two topics live at the same time on this forum. Feel free to delete if not.

My question is can sex ever feel loving in a committed marriage even after years of sexual abuse in a previous relationship?

I am starting counciling (specifically for those who have experienced sexual abuse) after the lockdown and feel that I have somewhat come to terms with what happened to me but am concerned that sex will always feel tainted and a trigger for me. Even after counciling has taken place.

 

[Mtatum1958]

The answer to both questions are yes.

Posting multiple topics on different questions are fine. Posting the same topic or question in multiple areas is problematic. That’s an easy question.

I am saddened to hear of the abodes you suffered, but glad and hopeful in your seeking professional help. I’m sure people have differing results, but it can be very successful. Stick with it. It can be a long and sometimes painful process, and you do have to work hard along wit your therapist. It’s like peeling an onion; there are many layers to pull away, some times it is very uncomfortable, and you may feel like putting it down and walking away, but stay with it. The end result is beautiful.

Remembering you in my prayers.

 

[T432]

Thank you @Mtatum1958 very much for your reply. Thank you also for keeping me in your prayers. I have lost all the faith I once had in God and am unable to pray like I once did, so that means a lot to me. As I finished writing this topic on here I had a call from the therapist (randomly) and I am now at the top of the waiting list and will be having an assessment done tomorrow afternoon.

 

[AdamP88]

Yes I think it can. Sex within a trusting married relationship can be immensely healing. Especially if you find someone able to put your worries and insecurities at ease. It’s like the difference between drowning and swimming. You might have experienced nearly drowning at some point in life. But that is not the same as swimming. They’re two entirely different experiences.

 

[T432]

@AdamP88 thank you,the idea of the difference between swimming and drowning is a very helpful one.

 

[AdamP88]

No problem. I haven’t experienced sexual abuse but I certainly believe that healing of such experiences can occur. I don’t think it’s about forgetting about it or pretending it never happened, but like anything that befalls us in life it is something that has to be integrated into our lives and lived with in some way.

I think it probably will take a lot of counselling and prayer to get to a place where you will be ready for sex. And at the best of times, navigating sex as a newly married couple can be difficult and require patience and love from both spouses. So it will probably require a lot of patience and love and trust to navigate that part of your marriage. But it’s possible.

To make another analogy, a person can be afraid of driving in a car because they were in a crash as a child, but with time and trust, this kind of thing can be worked through. You will get to a point where you associate sex with your loving husband and not something bad that happened to you in the past.