Sex in relationships

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Wolfie

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I was wondering how what Catholics are supposed to do if they are already in a relationship and have had sex.

I know that Catholics are supposed to save sex for marriage. Suppose that ship has already sailed… what are the next steps to take? It seems like many Catholics I have met already live with their fiancé and are sexually active.

What are Catholics instructed to do? What do most people do?
 
Wolfie said:
I was wondering how what Catholics are supposed to do if they are already in a relationship and have had sex.

I know that Catholics are supposed to save sex for marriage. Suppose that ship has already sailed… what are the next steps to take? It seems like many Catholics I have met already live with their fiancé and are sexually active.

What are Catholics instructed to do? What do most people do?
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Cease having sex.
If you have to get an apartment to assist you in the pursuit of virtue, do that.

What do most people do, you ask?
Perhaps you are asking the wrong question, since consensus or popular opinion is not a source of morality.
 
The reason I ask is because most people will say “stop” or “move out” without offering any practical guidance on doing that while preserving the relationship whatsoever. When I talked to engaged couples who live together, they said “it’s too late.” Of course it is not “too late” for them, but simply saying “stop” is not helpful. I know a married couple who left the church entirely because they were given the answer “stop” without any guidance at all. I am looking for insightful answers. It should be clear from my original post that I know that cohabitation and premarital sex are sinful, so let’s get back on topic.
 
Wolfie said:
The reason I ask is because most people will say “stop” or “move out” without offering any practical guidance on doing that while preserving the relationship whatsoever. When I talked to engaged couples who live together, they said “it’s too late.” Of course it is not “too late” for them, but simply saying “stop” is not helpful. I know a married couple who left the church entirely because they were given the answer “stop” without any guidance at all. I am looking for insightful answers. It should be clear from my original post that I know that cohabitation and premarital sex are sinful, so let’s get back on topic.
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If “it’s too late” is the ground of moral decision making for a couple, they have a lot of growing to do.
There are many situations in life that call for hard nosed commitment to doing the right thing, and a couple must find the moral fortitude to do the right thing, even when they must humbly correct their own behavior.
If they can’t do this in humility, they are in trouble before they leave the altar.

Practical strategies for chastity? I’m not a good person to ask about that.
Learn how to suffer a little. That’s about it.
There will many more difficult struggles in marriage compared to lack of sex . Ask anyone who is married for a while. Sexual pleasure is slowly put in perspective.
People get sick, children have problems.

We make way to big a deal about sex in this culture.
 
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Dear Wolfie,
God, the Creator of all, believers or atheists, wants us to realize we are treasures to be held in respect. Our God, who created sex in Creation, only wants one set of parents for children forever. You are a gift to be unwrapped on a wedding night. Each human has their own complete organs, except reproductive. Interestingly, each male and female only have half of the reproductive system. We have to join together to create. Sex and our sensuality created by God are meant for procreation. We will have attractions and romantic feelings to encourage procreation. We are to avoid the occasion of sin. Fornecation is SIN! Masterbation is SIN. The sexual revolution exposed sex in all its ugly weaknesses: We are entitled to sex! We can have sex anytime w anybody, however often! Pregnancies are prevented w birth control or abortions. Marital Sex is giving and sharing. Carnal sex is selfish, getting what you want. Taking the act from someone who may want the whole pkg. The pkg wasn’t offered. Freedoms come w responsibility.
Not Chaos. Not free for all!!
Separate. Have two abodes. No sex until married.
Confession to be absolved. Counseling before marriage. Stay in public places. Get married. Sex is
Allowed. You can even enjoy it, Pope John Paul II said.
St. Anthony has a prayer for purity. Google it and pray it.
In Christ’s love
Tweedlealice
 
Speak to the significant other about the importance of following God’s will that we sin less.
If they do not like it, then perhaps they are not worthy marriage partners.
 
Wolfie, are you engaged to your partner or not sure about marriage yet? If you are engaged, get into the pre-marriage course as soon as you can and address the situation there. If you aren’t even sure you want to marry this person, the Holy Spirit is possibly giving you a helping hand to think about this question now and deal with it so that you can go forward in a renewed mindset about chaste relationships.

Your question took courage. Many people just continue to suppress the nigglings of their conscience and wallow in the cheap thrill of instant gratification. God bless and help you.
 
Your partly right,they have to stop,but if they want to continue in the same relationship, then they should immediately go to the Catholic Church and explain to the Priest everything and rectified the Marriage,make their Confession,other sacraments which they missed,and get their marriage blessed, in other words officially get married in the Church which is very much encouraged.God Bless
 
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I think St. Paul’s advice would be to get married.
1 Corinthians 7:9
but if they cannot exercise self-control they should marry, for it is better to marry than to be on fire.
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His advice may have been directed toward those who practice chastity but are constantly tempted. That is a kind of burning. Nevertheless, one who has given in to temptation may still repent, and may choose marriage.
 
I’ve adapted the answer I gave in a previous thread on this same question. OP, I don’t know if my answer contains any practical advice on how to make it happen, but at least it’s meatier than “just stop” 😀

My wife and I did this successfully. As I was going through RCIA just prior to our engagement, the night where sexuality was the RCIA topic hit us like a ton of bricks. We both realized that night we needed to stop and wait until our wedding night. Once we both firmly resolved that, it actually wasn’t that difficult. Since we both had the same resolve, we backed each other up. I remember some evenings where one of us wanted to give up on it the other stood up and laid down the law. Fortunately, we were not living together, which would complicate matters.

I found that reading Christopher West’s books explaining Theology of the Body helped me immensely in coming to an intellectual understanding of why it is a necessity.

There’s also some practical reasons that, in hindsight, were valuable payoffs:

1: There’s a reason 50% of marriages end in divorce and something like 50% of spouses cheat and it has a lot to do with pre-marital sex. If you abstain until marriage, you are basically closing all those doors for your marriage. You are putting your marriage on an absolute rock foundation. My wife and I abstained for 2 years up until our wedding night (this was after 5 years of being sexually active) and we both now realize that has a lot to do with our rock solid marriage. It is wonderful to never, ever have to worry about your spouse cheating on you and we don’t because of what we went through together.

2: Sex clouds our judgment. Many, many people (me included) have stayed in a bad relationship way too long because the sex hinders our ability to see things clearly and make an accurate appraisal of the suitability of our mate. By abstaining, you give yourself the ability to be 100% certain you are marrying the right person.

Anyway, that was my experience with it. Best decision we ever made!
 
Personally I am in a relationship with a Catholic man, working on convert to Catholicism. We don’t live together, but all the Catholic couples I’ve met live with each other even though they aren’t married. And I know a couple who left the church because the priest said she can’t live with him before they got married. I guess I feel like people pretty are lax about it in practice.

Now that I want to be Catholic, I’m glad we dont live together. I told him we can’t get married unless I’m Catholic!
 
Wow! You are on the right track.

God bless you on your faith journey. 💖
 
Some Catholics may worry when somebody leaves the Church because they’ve been told to follow its precepts. It’s important to remember they left the Church when they started believing their sinful way was the right way. Don’t worry. They’ll come back better for it, or they won’t come back, but at least they won’t be living a lie.
 
Wampa said:
There’s a reason 50% of marriages end in divorce and something like 50% of spouses cheat
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Indeed there are many reasons.
Wampa said:
it has a lot to do with pre-marital sex.
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I’d be very interested to know of any proper research that supports this statement?
Wampa said:
Sex clouds our judgment.
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Indeed and so also does a lack of sex. I’ve seen lot’s of religious people marry very young because they were frankly, gagging for it. Rather than taking the time to find a suitable life partner with the same values as them, they married the first person that was up for it. Marrying young is one of the biggest contributors to the ~50% divorce rate you mentioned.
 
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