Sex question - Can't quite complete

[StillWondering]

If a married couple really enjoys being intimate and the bonding but the man can never complete because he doesn’t have enough sex drive to finish the race, is it improper for the couple to continuing being intimate knowing that they cannot complete the sexual intimacy of sex?

 

[ContegoFides]

The short answer is yes.

As long as you are both open to life and neither is deliberately holding anything back, then yes.

However, there might be a medical issue here. I recommend seeking advice from a urologist.

 

[kage_ar]

A couple can be intimate and should be intimate.

Sex is not intimacy.

A couple must intend to complete the act when they begin serious foreplay. They may not intend to simply have mutual masturbation. If the couple knows the act will not be completed, I cannot fathom it being moral to begin. If OTOH, they are honestly trying and have full intent to finish - and sometimes that does not happen - that is a different kettle of fish.

 

[newbetx]

If a married couple really enjoys being intimate and the bonding but the man can never complete because he doesn’t have enough sex drive to finish the race, is it improper for the couple to continuing being intimate knowing that they cannot complete the sexual intimacy of sex?

The short answer is yes.

As long as you are both open to life and neither is deliberately holding anything back, then yes.

However, there might be a medical issue here. I recommend seeking advice from a urologist.

The question was asked in a negative way. NO, it is NOT improper to continue to try. It’s only improper to engage in such activity IF one has no intention to try.

From a medical perspective, there are many causes of such issues. There may be mental complications as well. Timing, guilt, environment. The best thing I can think of short of a trip to the doctor is to achieve verbal intimacy. Something may be of issue that has not yet been revealed.

 

[Just_Lurking]

What matters is your intention - what you want to do. What you foresee as likely to occur despite you intention doesn’t matter.

This is the same logic that applies to determine that it is immoral to abort a fetus even though the pregnancy is medically certain to kill both mother and baby.

 

[StillWondering]

Thank you for the replies. I am glad that it is appropriate to continue. I suspected so, but the countless times of getting revved up and then settling down to hugs is worrisome of not fulfilling one’s duties.

 

[Joan_M]

Thank you for the replies. I am glad that it is appropriate to continue. I suspected so, but the countless times of getting revved up and then settling down to hugs is worrisome of not fulfilling one’s duties.

If this continues, then you will know quite well that it will not be possible to complete the act. When that is the case, it is not proper to begin the act.

The man, in this case, should visit his doctor. There may be a medical problem causing the inability to complete - e.g. he has diabetes. One of the side effects of diabetes can be partial or complete erectile dysfunction.

 

[joandarc2008]

And the good part of that is there are things that doctors can do to help a couple in their marriage - so you have not sentenced yourself to a Josephite marriage by asking the question.

 

[newbetx]

The man, in this case, should visit his doctor. There may be a medical problem causing the inability to complete - e.g. he has diabetes. One of the side effects of diabetes can be partial or complete erectile dysfunction.

Still Wondering… has your husband been to see a doctor recently? Has this been a prolonged experience? A general physical is all that is needed, typically, to determine a medical factor for this problem. He doesn’t need to go in to see the doctor with this specific symptom. A doctor told me ED can be an early sign of clogged arteries!

If this continues, then you will know quite well that it will not be possible to complete the act. When that is the case, it is not proper to begin the act.

Please state your reference for this conclusion. From all I have read, this is not true. Short of orgasm, no physical intimacy limitations are prescribed by the church. Orgasm is restricted to a completable sex act.
As Kage-ar points out , correctly, there is a point at which a couple should not continue if the intent (or ability) is not to complete the act properly. This “line”, is not specifically spelled out by the church and should be left to couple to discern. There are implications of this “line” as described in official church approved texts. Reading suggestions include Popcak’s “Holy Sex!” and West’s “The Good News About Sex and Marriage.”

Still Wondering… what is secondary here is “how far is too far?” What is primary here is the health of your husband. Please insist that he see a doctor about his health. If a medical reason is ruled out, please have him check out any mental symptoms. Most of sex is mental, BTW. This may be relatively new or temporary, but if it is “typical” something may need to be done. You don’t mention your husband’s age nor any other reasons this might be a problem so I’ll assume he’s middle aged and this wasn’t always a problem.

And next, what does you husband think about this? Apparently he still desires to please his wife. Is there anything he feels guilty about? Does he feel unworthy? Is he frightened of something? Many things go through a guys mind concerning the act or affecting the act and feelings have a way of building up in guys. Additionally, change in method, time or environment may also change the outcome.

Now, if you already know the answer to why and it’s unlikely to improve without medical intervention, then a read of either of the two books suggested will assist you in finding your “moral limit.” “Holy Sex!” as I understand, goes into more detail for this aspect than does West’s book.

Peace be with you and your husband.

 

[joandarc2008]

One other thought - not saying you have and don’t need an answer - but if ABC is involved this could be causing your issues in many ways - especially condoms.