Sexual addiction and starting a family

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Hrw

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Hello all.
My husband and I have been married for almost three years. This past year we started the adoption process for domestic infant adoption. We have been anxiously waiting to be matched.
What I am struggling with is my husband’s sex addiction. This has been something he has been struggling with from a young age and something I knew about before we got married. We have been going to counseling and things were improving for a while. This evening I got a message from one of my husband’s co-workers stating that he has been making inappropriate comments to other female co-workers and they feel uncomfortable. I don’t know what to do. I am very upset with my husband. We have always been open about his addiction and have communicated well with each other. Now I am worried that there has been more going on than what he has told me. I am worried that adding a child to our marriage is going to be to much of a stressor and it will cause him to relapse again. Has anyone else experienced something similar? Any advice on how we should move forward?
 
Does he go to porn anonymous?
Were the comments advances or just stupid talk/jokes?
Does he go to mass?
 
What, specifically, do you mean by “sex addiction”?

I’m not sure how you expect him to pass the screening for adoption unless you lie about his mental health issue.
 
Hrw said:
This evening I got a message from one of my husband’s co-workers stating that he has been making inappropriate comments to other female co-workers and they feel uncomfortable.
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What does your husband say about this? Has he actually done this or is the co-worker stirring up trouble?
 
Hrw said:
his evening I got a message from one of my husband’s co-workers stating that he has been making inappropriate comments to other female co-workers and they feel uncomfortable. I
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Why is your husband’s coworker sending an e-mail to you, his wife, about it? Do you and your husband co-own the business, so you are one of the “bosses”? If that’s not the case, and you don’t even work for your husband’s business, then this co-worker needs to be going through the human resources channels at your husband’s work.

If a man at work made inappropriate remarks to me, I would certainly not phone his wife and complain. Unless she is his manager at work (unlikely), she can’t make him stop or deal with a situation happening at work when she isn’t even there all day. Also, if she’s his wife, I’d expect her to take her husband’s side because that’s what wives do. For all she knows, I could be some stalker making things up about her husband.

Instead, I would report the unwanted behavior to the appropriate person in my work organization.
 
Do you mean that he has been unfaithful in the past and you fear he is being unfaithful again? If so, I can understand why you would be hesitant to bring a child into this situation. If I were in your shoes, I would hold off on adoption and continue to work on my marriage.
 
It’s diagnosed. He is addicted to watching porn and masturbation.
I approached him about the situation and he admitted to flirting with his co-workers
 
I still think it is weird that the co-worker is calling you, the wife, instead of dealing with it through the management at work.

In any case, as someone else said, if your husband has a diagnosis of a mental illness, with which he is still struggling, you should not be adopting a child and I would think legitimate agencies would not give you a child. Furthermore, if this illness of your husband’s is causing him to possibly cheat on you, then why would you want to adopt a child into that sort of unstable environment? It’s not very fair to the child.
 
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Does he desire pure relations with you? I mean sex ordered towards procreation and exclusively with you?
 
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I would advise to step out of the “matching” until your husband is well and whole.
 
I have known people who will flirt even with no intentions of starting anything, so it might be possible that the flirting is not related to his ‘issues.’ Doesn’t matter though, since if he’s at the point where his co-workers are complaining, trying to warn you, or (grim thought) setting up to shake you down for money then he’s at the point where he’s risking his job. That’s also not a situation you want to bring a child into.
 
3 years into a marriage you willingly entered into with a sex addict you should be focusing on your own relationship and him keeping the job he is in jeopardy of losing. Please don’t expose an innocent baby to this!
 
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