Sexual fantasy, impure thoughts during the day and ejaculation without masturbation

[CarolusRex]

I know there are a lot of topics about impure thoughts already, but I have not really seen an answer to my specific issue.

Short backstory . . .

Problem 1: Fantasizing during the night

. . .

I have a very hard time considering if this sort of thing is intentionally or unintentionally. I know that sexual dreams are not sin (Saint Thomas Aquinas is pretty clear about that) but this is not really dreaming, yet it is not really with a full presence of mind either.

Problem 2: Impure thoughts during the day

. . . .

*Problem 3: . . . .

The question: Sin and confession

My question is: do you think these things are venial or mortal sin? (very hard time finding this out). Do you have advice for me in resisting these things? And do you think that I am scrupulous or that these concerns are legitimate?

. . .
Thanks in advance to everyone responding! This really bothers me.

 

[Irishmom2]

Your confessor is the person to get counsel from, not random strangers on the internet. Ask him how to stop what you are doing if that is your desire. Or find a new confessor.

 

[Vico]

…

Be careful to understand that lust is in thought as well as physical acts. Modern Catholic Dictionary (Fr. John Hardon) excerpt below, on masturbation, is helpful. Keep in mind that there are two types of voluntary: directly voluntary and indirectly voluntary. Since it is grave matter, even indirectly voluntary can bring the near occasion of sin and therefore is sinful as direct. Solitary dwelling (for pleasure) on acts with the spouse is unacceptable, since this must not be in isolation from the spouse.

Direct stimulation of the sex organs outside of sexual intercourse. The self-stimulation can be physical, by means of some external object, or psychic, by means of thoughts and the imagination. … The sinfulness consists in setting in motion the generative powers while preventing them from achieving, their natural, divinely intended purpose.

 

[APXO]

Even thinking of acts with the spouse, which is future, or past, is unacceptable, since this must not be in isolation from the spouse.

Would someone else please comment on this? I thought that having sexual thoughts regarding your own spouse were OK (it is your spouse after all) as long as they don’t lead to impurity or neglect of duties to state in life.

If its lawful and good to do in-person why is not good to think about?

 

[brown_bear]

Carolus Rex, I immediately see that you are a serious person and that you are fighting seriously.

I can’t give you an answer with certainty because we don’t know each other and the social network is not indicated.

I can only tell you my feeling: that you are moving well, that you have no voluntary giving, since it is only the deliberate consent - in addition to the full warning - that opens the doors to sin.

Maybe the problem is priests, confessors, because sometimes they actually seem a little confused. And besides, in Confession, you, me, all of us, are taken by a certain agitation, so perhaps we don’t explain ourselves very well.

It’s an idea that I throw here, if you don’t like it, forget it: if you have a spiritual director, or a priest you know, why don’t you make him read what you have written now? In my opinion this helps him to help you.

 

[Vico]

Vico:

Even thinking of acts with the spouse, which is future, or past, is unacceptable, since this must not be in isolation from the spouse.

Would someone else please comment on this? I thought that having sexual thoughts regarding your own spouse were OK (it is your spouse after all) as long as they don’t lead to impurity or neglect of duties to state in life.

If its lawful and good to do in-person why is not good to think about?

It’s isolated enjoyment (either psychic or physical) when one is not having marital relations (which include foreplay done together) expecting to complete the conjugal act properly.

Catechism of the Catholic Church

2351 Lust is disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes.

 

[kapp19]

If you can count to 5 slowly, you probably have the presence of mind to regain control and stop the activity. If we are honest, we usually know pretty well when we can actually stop some behavior with a willful choice - there is a “moment” where the mind becomes clear, and a decision can be made with the awareness of what is going on and what it “means” existentially. You can “count to 5.” Here is my general advice for all these things:

There are monitoring programs (like Covenant Eyes) that can help with controlling electronic media. You could try using that with a trusted friend or mentor. Other than that, you need to put distance between yourself and the occasion of sin - keep windows and doors open, take cold showers, reduce (or eliminate temporarily) alcohol use around certain people/in certain situations, etc. Laughing more is also helpful, especially in the moment of temptation (rational delight filling the body - so watch more comedy!) as is fasting and other mild discomfort which distracts the body (holding your breath, biting your tongue, etc.)… just getting up and walking around can also give the space and time necessary to get a grip. Exercise also helps, in various ways, also in the moment… distracting and exhausting the body. Instinctively praying a decade of the rosary (meditating especially on one of the sorrowful mysteries) or singing a verse of a pious hymn will also create the time and strength of will you need to do what is right. Meditate also in the moment on the imminence of death, and always ask for the help of the Blessed Virgin Mary and St. Joseph… and ask the Lord always for the help you need. Go to confession as needed, then return to receiving Holy Communion.