Sexual sin?

[on_the_hill]

The only answer is to abstain from here on out, and I’m supposed to be happy about it or go to hell.

 

[Rau]

Hi,

I’m trying to understand and learn more about what Our Church teaches on sexuality. I understand that the use of barriers and abortifacients are wrong, and I agree. I also understand that the Church teaches that any act of sex must be completed in intercourse, and I agree.

My question is: If a couple is abstaining for a long length of time for a serious reason, and due to the natural longing one has for unity with their spouse, does engage in the marital embrace, if the wife reaches climax and her husband doesn’t, on purpose, is this a sin?"

Church documents point to the sin of Odon, but in this case there is no spillage of seed, and no contraception.

Thanks for your help in clearing up my confusion.

It seems to be that what you are describing is more akin to masturbation. But in any event, it is a sex act not meeting the requirement for unitive + procreative. (It is the former, but not the latter.)

 

[davetv]

After all the dust settles, let me say this. A qualified monsignor in the Catholic Church told me in Confession that being my wife and I already had four children, and were struggling to support them, that I could indeed have a vasectomy. I believe him more than anybody spouting off on here.

So sorry it seems you were misguided, although your culpability is low or nil considering your trust in your confessor it remains, having a vasectomy is a grave matter. If you don’t believe anyone here go do the research yourself.

 

[Rau]

After all the dust settles, let me say this. A qualified monsignor in the Catholic Church told me in Confession that being my wife and I already had four children, and were struggling to support them, that I could indeed have a vasectomy. I believe him more than anybody spouting off on here.

It’s entirely understandable that you would hold that view. He’s a priest, we’re not, and his advice accords with your wishes. You were probably quite entitled to accept that advice at the time and act upon it.

However, that advice does not accord with teachings about contraception that will be found in the Catechism, eg.:

*2399 The regulation of births represents one of the aspects of responsible fatherhood and motherhood. Legitimate intentions on the part of the spouses do not justify recourse to morally unacceptable means (for example, direct sterilization or contraception). *

 

[Rau]

Hi Lily,

I’m trying to avoid mortal sin. That is why I listed the above scenario.

Yes, it feels like a sentence. I would like to come together with my husband. I would prefer to be open to life, but I can’t or I can possibly leave my husband as a single father of six children. It’s a no-win situation. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. I’m not confusing love with sex. It’s natural to feel a desire to unify with your spouse. That’s the crux of Pope John Paul’s Theology of the Body, and what separates your spouse from any other man/woman on the planet. If I was confusing sex with love, I would understand your example of a prostitute. I would crave this with any man, but I don’t.

The only answer is to abstain from here on out, and I’m supposed to be happy about it or go to hell.

I am trained to use NFP, and I’m a huge proponent. I have ministered to women in my parish to switch from the Pill to Natural Family Planning. The problem is that my cycles aren’t back yet, and to be safe we cannot take the chance of another pregnancy, so we’re abstaining.

I understand you have a medical condition by which pregnancy could be fatal for you. Are you able to say what medical condition? Some posters may have some information on how others have managed similar situations, or be able to point to medical or other service providers with a specialty in the area.

The second question is: why do you say that you fear you may have to abstain “from here on out” (ie. till menopause)? Why is that you can’t adopt NFP (conservatively) once you have your usual cycle back after breast-feeding is completed?

And finally - what is you husband’s approach to the situation and how is he coping? Having intercourse to the point of your orgasm, but not his, would seem to place him an exceptionally difficult (if not impossible?) situation.

It does seem that the occasional sexual encounter you describe could be quite “accident-prone” - ie. you risk pregnancy due to some minimal deposit of semen (prior to ejaculation), or even an “unintended” ejaculation. This seems inconsistent with you situation.