Sexuality for a Catholic convert

[Hoseahosea]

Hello everyone.
I have a problem between my and my wife about our sexuality which came forth out of me converting to catholicism.

My wife and I got married 2,5 years ago in an evangelical church. However, 1,5 years into our marriage i converted to Catholicism, and needless to say, this came with Some changes.

Im stuck with the problem of sexuality.
My wife and I wanted to wait a little before staring with children, and because my wife’s periodes are very unpredictible, it’s impossible to do natural planning, so we used condoms.

However, because i want to follow the teachings of the Church, i wanted to stop using them. At the same time, we don’t think it’s wise to start having children, because i want to raise them Catholic, and my wife wants to raise them in an evangelical church.

So basicly theres a situation where we both want to be sexual with each other, but were kind of forced to be abstinate.

Does someone perhaps has some advice for me?

 

[Irishmom2]

Welcome to CAF!

While you wait for responses, try using the search feature. This topic has come up before and you might find some answers there.

 

[ZemD]

Your wife could learn and use NFP even with irregular periods, if she wanted to do this. Some methods you could look into are called ‘Creighton Model’ or ‘Marquette’.

I agree that it would be stressful to have a child when you disagree with your wife on what the child’s faith will be.

 

[Hoseahosea]

Thank you for your response.
However i think it will be hard though, given that my wife prefers to still use contraceptives, and she would be the one who has to do these things.

Also because this are problems that Come forth out of converting to Catholicism, its cause for irritation on her side.

 

[HollyDolly]

Old maid with a cat here. I think you should wait on having children for right now. Maybe you two should speak to a marriage counselor to try to help you both resolve the issue. I wonder if there are evangelicals who practice NFP. I’m sure not just Catholics alone use it. You can still be intimate with your wife without going all the way to intercourse.
And maybe, she for what ever reason resents you converting and becoming a Catholic.
My dad’s mother was Lutheran , though her family wasn’t that devout.She used to go to mass with her husband and two sons. She agreed to raise the boys as Catholics, and later on converted to the Church.Maybe because she was a Lutheran, and Martin Luther had been a Catholic monk, raising daddy and Uncle Tom in the RC wasn’t that big a deal. But since she’s evangelical their whole attitude towards Catholics is different from say the Angelicans and other main stream protestant churches. The angelicans even have orders of religious men and women. Only by maybe having some marriage counseling with a lay person and a priest and a minister, will hopefully let the issue get resolved. Or maybe you could compromise. Sons raised as Catholics, daughters as evangelicals. I knew a girl in Girl Scouts whose father was jewish and mother catholic. She went to Catholic school , but i recall her telling me her parents said when she was old enough, in her teens, she could decide what faith to choose to follow,.

 

[Psalm30]

because my wife’s periodes are very unpredictible, it’s impossible to do natural planning, so we used condoms.

Regular periods are not necessary for Natural Family Planning, unless you’re using the rhythm method, which isn’t particularly reliable even for people with regular cycles. Virtually no one’s cycle is predictable enough for calendar methods to be effective.

Look into the Creighton Model System, the Marquette Method, or the Sympto-Thermal Method. They are effective methods of NFP and rely on body signals rather than the calendar.

 

[Anicette]

Yes, unless there is more problems, irregular periods are not a impediment to NFP. Seems more that you wife is not motivated because she don’t see the point of it, as it is not cultural for her.

I am sorry for the situation, it is hard. Certainely many things have to be decided before having children. You cannot both had what you want. Either one of you renounce to raise your children in his faith or you made a compromise.

 

[Viki63]

Or maybe you could compromise. Sons raised as Catholics, daughters as evangelicals.

That’s what my parents did, daughters raised Episcopalian, sons as Catholics – and none of us stayed in either church. It didn’t work too well (I returned to the church late in life, thank God.)
Some people find NFP more freeing. Encourage her to look into the various forms of it.
And be aware that if she chooses to use birth control, it isn’t sinful on your part. Although she would have to find something besides condoms. And the alternatives are problematic.
Then again, you could forget the whole problem and let nature take its course – it would be several years before you would have to worry about which church to take your children to.

 

[Anicette]

Then again, you could forget the whole problem and let nature take its course – it would be several years before you would have to worry about which church to take your children to.

Well… not really.

Catholics parents tend to ztheir child early… as baby.
In any way if the parents want to baptized their children it is before they are at the age of being able to refuse (I think it is under 7 years old, but in my parish, if a child is 5 years ols, he has to follow a little preparation).

Normally parents are bound to baptized their children. I know that in real life, it is not always done.

In any way the formation of a child starts early. At 3 years old, a child is able to understand some spiritual things.
Generally It will fall more easily on the mother.

If the wife is engaged on her faith, I don’t see how a catholic husband can prevent her to do what she would naturally do: to speak of God with her children, read them the Bible stories at bed time and pray with them at bed and before meals time. Unless they made an agreement to not speak of what is against Catholic Church teaching, they will naturally be instucted as evangelical.

 

[Viki63]

All this is true, but a Protestant baptism is recognized by the Catholic church as valid, if it uses the correct form.
And for toddlers, there’s really no difference in theology between protestant and Catholic teaching. They just need to learn that God made them, he is good, and he loves them and they should be good also. They don’t need to learn about the Pope, the Magisterium, or “sola scriptura,”
Hopefully the parents would agree on one church before the child is seven.

 

[Anicette]

Some couples may choose to not tell their children their religious differences (I think of Scott and Kimberly Hahn, but they have find a solution). It’s possible they come to an agreement in time, but we don’t know and have no idea. It is risky anyway.

Hopefully the parents would agree on one church before the child is seven.

We can pray for it.

For my perspective, I would say that when the parents are practicing and dedicate to their faith, 7 years old is too late.
First, if they both continue to practice to their own church and come to service separately, they need to decide where the children will go. Or they can decide to bring to both, but the children will see the differences.

My child is 4. She knows all the main Bible episodes, the nature of Jesus and God and a little the concept of Trinity, the Our Father. So what she have in common with Protestants.

But she is already a distinct Catholic. She go to mass, knows the details of it, such as Eucharist. She also know how to raise a Nativity (and the symbolism behind). She is also able to tell “Hail Mary” alone, is part of a family Rosary group, know the main Catholic holy days and their signication. And so more.

She also know that Protestants exist and that they have a distinct service. Thanks to confinement and the public TV religious programm of sunday morning.

My child may be a typical catholic homeschooler. And I am sure that some children of Catholic families around us are aware of some things (such as prayers) much more younger.

So according to my experience around age 3, children become distinct protestant or catholic unless their parents are not too concerned by their religion or choose to do otherwise.

 

[Anicette]

OP, I think you may benefit in your discernment to speak with your priests and actual converts from Protestantism. It may not give you an already made solution, but may be unlight you a little.

From an outside perspective, I would say that’s it normal and excepted that your wife want her children be evangelical. that’s what you decide, I guess, before you convert. But equally I understand that you want to raise’ your children according your new beliefs, and as a Catholic, it’s hard to say otherwise.

Some groups of christian education are oecumenical.