Sharing the Good News with my daughter...

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Marilena

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My daughter told me last week: “I don’t want to hear about religion, everytime we are visiting mom, you talk about the Catholic faith, auntie ( my younger sister ) doesn’t talk about the faith when we visit or talk on the phone, why do you preach to me mom?” First off, I talk about it to her because Iam worried about her salvation! With good reason! ( I wont get into it here ) I don’t just come right off and start talking the faith to her the minute she walks in the door! But, it seems like everytime we visit, an opportunity comes up to discuss the faith. I feel it is my duty as her mother to tell her about Jesus I do not nag at her about it, not by a long shot! I do however, talk about Jesus in small ways, so as not to come off as over bearing Subtle ways. Brooke is a very smart girl, and she was baptized Catholic, but she doesn’t want to talk about Jesus. I want her to know that Jesus can save her, and she needs to know that He is God, and that evolution is not the way we came about and so on I have religious items all over my home, and she sees them when she comes over to visit once in a while. Sometimes she comments on them “being very nice” and she is very polite to me about them. But Iam wanting her to change her life, and I constantly pray to God that she will see the truth, and come to know Christ Jesus, and better her life. I think she believes in evolution because she knows her lifestyle is not in sinc with the faith. I gave her a Rosary once, and she likes it, but wont use it. Sometimes, when in discussion with her, she will admit to being Catholic but that is all. She sometimes says she
believes, but if she did, she wouldn’t believe in evolution! How can I
share the faith with her, and besides praying for her total conversion, how can I be a more effective witness for Christ? I do not nag at her, nor do I preach to her. I just worry about her salvation, and want her to live a life that is pleasing to Christ, and
become the Catholic I know she can be!
 
Can I assume that since you mentioned evolution twice, that this is the main disagreement between the two of you? I would suggest asking if she believes God created the universe, whatever the method was. If she says yes, then she is in line with the church. See this thread.
 
how old is your daughter? in my experience, once she turns 13 she won’t listen to a word you say on religion or any other topic, and will disagree just as a matter of principle. Even if her aunt or mother of her best friend is regarded as a guru for saying the same things. This lasts until about age 21, or when they start raising their own kids.

If you have made a huge issue about these debates to the point where it is impossible to carry on a rational conversation on any topic, this conflict and estrangment may last all your life.
 
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mvinca:
Can I assume that since you mentioned evolution twice, that this is the main disagreement between the two of you? I would suggest asking if she believes God created the universe, whatever the method was. If she says yes, then she is in line with the church. See this thread.
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No, evolution is not the disagreement. She believes in evolution because she has a lifestyle that disagrees with our faith. I think she uses evolution as a basis for belief because she knows what the Catholic Church teaches about her lifestyle, and she does not want to see the truth because she lives in sin. She does occasionally go to Mass, but she still uses evolution as her core belief. But then she says things that makes me think she is concsious of her lifestyle being sinful, and she asks me about
God onc ein awhile. I think Brooke is very aware of her lifestyle
being in disagreement with the faith, and she wants to believ ein something, so she willingly choses evolution because then she feels she is not accountable to God. I think she is warring with herself at times, she will admit she is Catholic, but she does not
want to clean up her life and practice the faith. Iam very concerned about her. Iam glad she asks me about God. It shows she has curioustiy about Him, and maybe one day she will be able to see the truth, and drop her lifestyle and her “belief” and come to know
Jesus Christ. My moms devout faith, and that of myself is making
her question me about God. Iam VERY grateful for that fact! I think she thinks that I “preach” to her because she is aware of her
lifestyle being in disagreement with the Church teachings, and she is looking for a way to clean up her life. The first way on the
quest for truth is asking questions, and by people setting the example for her to follow. I just want to know how I can be a more effective witness for Christ when she does ask me!
 
I believe it was St. Francis(?) who said “share the Gospel, use words if you must”. At this point, I would stop the instruction and talk. She has made it very clear that the more you talk, the less she’s going to listen. Live your life as a true Christian witness. See if there are any “hypocritical” activities that you engage in (i.e. does she hear you on the phone gossiping about your friends, etc.). Then, offer all of your fears and anxieties to the Lord through prayer. At this point, if you continue talking and talking to her, you will drive her away. The very thing that you don’t want. Everytime you feel frustrated and overwhelmed, and want to blow up at your daughter, go to Mass, go to your room and say a rosary, take a walk, spend some time in front of The Blessed Sacrament. No one likes to be constantly preached to, and it will do more harm than good. I know you want the best for your daughter, but it sounds like God needs to take over here.

I will keep you and Brooke in my prayers.
 
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asquared:
how old is your daughter? in my experience, once she turns 13 she won’t listen to a word you say on religion or any other topic, and will disagree just as a matter of principle. Even if her aunt or mother of her best friend is regarded as a guru for saying the same things. This lasts until about age 21, or when they start raising their own kids.

If you have made a huge issue about these debates to the point where it is impossible to carry on a rational conversation on any topic, this conflict and estrangment may last all your life.
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My daughter is 23. There are no huge issues 🙂 We have very intelligent rational discussions 🙂 It never gets heated, or turns
into an argument. We discuss things openly, and honestly.
She respects me, she really respects my husband as well.
I just want ot be more effective when she does come to me and
asks me about God. I don’t want to come off as mrs. know it all.
I want to help her out of the life she is living. I have shown her
how much i love her by being there for her, and she knows this.
I keep praying for her conversion every day. I just wish she’d
come to know God, and live a life pleasing to Him 🙂 I want to
be there to help her on her road to God.
 
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Giannawannabe:
I believe it was St. Francis(?) who said “share the Gospel, use words if you must”. At this point, I would stop the instruction and talk. She has made it very clear that the more you talk, the less she’s going to listen. Live your life as a true Christian witness. See if there are any “hypocritical” activities that you engage in (i.e. does she hear you on the phone gossiping about your friends, etc.). Then, offer all of your fears and anxieties to the Lord through prayer. At this point, if you continue talking and talking to her, you will drive her away. The very thing that you don’t want. Everytime you feel frustrated and overwhelmed, and want to blow up at your daughter, go to Mass, go to your room and say a rosary, take a walk, spend some time in front of The Blessed Sacrament. No one likes to be constantly preached to, and it will do more harm than good. I know you want the best for your daughter, but it sounds like God needs to take over here.

I will keep you and Brooke in my prayers.
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As I said, I do not argue with her. Nor will I ever blow up at her!
Never! I do not even get remotely frustrated with her! Brooke is a
very intelligent girl, and deserving of the truth. I do not nag or preach to her! Never! We have a very solid relationship 🙂 I mentioned that i think her talking about God, or hearing me talk about Him makes her conscious of her sinful lifestyle, and that is
why she thinks I “preach” to her. i do not gossip as a rule. my mom always told me not to be counted in with the gossip mongers in life. I live a very very religious life, Iam very traditional
in my values, and my faith. The only thing I do is smoke cigarettes! If i knew for one second that my smoking might cause her to not become a Catholic, I’d quit in a heartbeat! But that is not the case. Iam trying anyways! 🙂
 
Marilena, You are praying for her conversion. That is the best thing you can do. Your daughter is reaching a crossroads, that is why she asks you questions about God. But at the same time she realizes that you are close to God and she fears you looking at her through judgemental eyes. She comes to you for spiritual advice, let it be that she asks you when she is ready and not you forcing it on her when she is not ready. It’s a blessing that she is coming to you and asking about God, some young people run scared and deny their curiosity about God by turning to other things of the world.Your daughter is still young and already she is coming to that crossroads and asking you, her mother, for answers. She knows her life isn’t like it should be and she doesn’t need reminders. Pressure could push her away, she could go somewhere else for spiritual guidance, but I’m sure you would rather be the one that is there for her. You have been a good example for her, she knows you are the one who can help her come closer to God. Give her a Catechism book and let her know you love her and understand that this will take time, because she is working through issues in her life that took years to create. It could take years to make all those years “right”. You are a good mother, I can relate to what you are going through let her know you are there for her. Think about this…Do you remember when you came to that crossroad in your life? Good time to reflect and gain a better understanding of your daughter’s situation.
I will pray a rosary for you both. :love:
 
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joyfulmess:
Marilena, You are praying for her conversion. That is the best thing you can do. Your daughter is reaching a crossroads, that is why she asks you questions about God. But at the same time she realizes that you are close to God and she fears you looking at her through judgemental eyes. She comes to you for spiritual advice, let it be that she asks you when she is ready and not you forcing it on her when she is not ready. It’s a blessing that she is coming to you and asking about God, some young people run scared and deny their curiosity about God by turning to other things of the world.Your daughter is still young and already she is coming to that crossroads and asking you, her mother, for answers. She knows her life isn’t like it should be and she doesn’t need reminders. Pressure could push her away, she could go somewhere else for spiritual guidance, but I’m sure you would rather be the one that is there for her. You have been a good example for her, she knows you are the one who can help her come closer to God. Give her a Catechism book and let her know you love her and understand that this will take time, because she is working through issues in her life that took years to create. It could take years to make all those years “right”. You are a good mother, I can relate to what you are going through let her know you are there for her. Think about this…Do you remember when you came to that crossroad in your life? Good time to reflect and gain a better understanding of your daughter’s situation.
I will pray a rosary for you both. :love:
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first off, i do not force anything on her, lets get that clear. we do not argue, and we not fight, i back off if she doesn’t want to talk. i know perfectly well what her situation is, whether she is at a crossroads or not is hard to say. another thing, she will not accept a Catechism book. Period. I will not force her to take one.
She will ask for one when she is ready. also, i do not remind her of her lifestyle that is also a fact. we do not discuss her lifestyle, and i do not rub it in either. i only want to be a is have said before, a better witness for Christ to her Iam trying hard, and maybe I should not talk to her about the faith unles she asks.
that I will do. I wont mention anything more to her about it. Thank you all for your advice.
 
I remember Eric Schiedler (son of Joe Schiedler–the prolife advocate) saying that his dad helped bring him back to the Church. Joe was nagging him constantly. Then, one day he stopped talking “God” and just invited him to lunch. Joe did more listening than talking and they did not discuss religion. Eric didn’t know that Joe was also going to an additional Sunday Mass for him. Joe was doing this since Eric was not attending Mass anymore. Of course other things were going on in Eric’s life–he and his wife had begun to use NFP for health reasons. He credits the virtues developed by NFP and his dad’s prayers/time with him to bringing him back to the Church.

One thing I do with my kids (who are minors) is let them overhear things I want them to know. I don’t necessarily always talk directly to them about things.

I’ll be praying for you and your daughter. I know it is so painful to worry about the salvation of those you love the most. God Bless You.

I read in Sr. Josepha’s book (I think it is *THe Way of Divine * Love??) that Jesus told her that people who are prayed for are generally saved, but at the last moment. It is private revelation, so you have to discern it, but it comforts me.
 
JMJ Theresa:
I remember Eric Schiedler (son of Joe Schiedler–the prolife advocate) saying that his dad helped bring him back to the Church. Joe was nagging him constantly. Then, one day he stopped talking “God” and just invited him to lunch. Joe did more listening than talking and they did not discuss religion. Eric didn’t know that Joe was also going to an additional Sunday Mass for him. Joe was doing this since Eric was not attending Mass anymore. Of course other things were going on in Eric’s life–he and his wife had begun to use NFP for health reasons. He credits the virtues developed by NFP and his dad’s prayers/time with him to bringing him back to the Church.

One thing I do with my kids (who are minors) is let them overhear things I want them to know. I don’t necessarily always talk directly to them about things.

I’ll be praying for you and your daughter. I know it is so painful to worry about the salvation of those you love the most. God Bless You.

I read in Sr. Josepha’s book (I think it is *THe Way of Divine * Love??) that Jesus told her that people who are prayed for are generally saved, but at the last moment. It is private revelation, so you have to discern it, but it comforts me.
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Good post! Thank you for that! I mentioned that when she comes to visit, there seems to be opportunities to talk about Jesus. Maybe i have been talking to much. We seem to talk alot about astronomy, and when that comes up, we discuss the universe, and I mention things about how God created it. I think I was maybe just talking to much because of my love for God, not because it was “preaching” to her. I think that silence might be the better choice until she decides to ask me about Him. I have to sit back and think if perhaps I was talking to much. The Bible does state that they can be “won over without a word” by example
I suppose 🙂 Thank you for your gentle post, it meant alot to me 🙂
You have given me food for thought 🙂 Very excellent reply!

:blessyou:
 
I wanted to share with you, my road to Christ. My wife has been a very fine example to me throughout the years we have been married. Especially when it comes to faith. Her zeal for Jesus
is very real, and very awesome to me. I was an evolutionist for
my entire life, until I met my wife. I refused even to entertain the
idea that there was a loving, caring, God.

My wife had been wanting to go back to church fulltime a few
years back. I went with her as her health is not good, even at
the best of times. Sometimes, I really did not want to be there,
but I also did not want my wife to go on her own, as I worried
about her health. So, I went. We would dicuss Christ in depth
not just after Mass, but frequently in our daily life. Last year,
I felt an urge to come right out and ask my wife, “how does one
become Catholic?” she told me about the RCIA, and I immediately
went and asked our priest the following Sunday after Mass if I could join the RCIA. I have been overwhelmed with joy since then, everytime I go to church, everytime I go to my RCIA classes. My wife set an example for me, her zeal for God, her
prayers, her taking time to answer my questions about God,
I have come to love God, and I feel that He has heard my wife’s
prayers.

Unbeknownst to my wife back then, before even thinking of joining the One True Church, I was really impressed with her
devotion to God, and wanted to know more and more about Him.
We held daily discussions sometimes 🙂 sometimes, we’d stay up into odd hours of the night discussing Christ. Little by little,
I became more convinced that Jesus Christ was calling me to
come to know Him. Jesus has come into my life, and I love Him more than I can say!! and I thank God for my wife’s example.
 
Hi Marilena,
Here is a prayer for you. Hope it helps.

Exemplary Mother of the great Augustine, you perseveringly pursued your wayward son not with wild threats but with prayerful cries to heaven. Intercede for all mothers in our day so that they may learn to draw their children to God. Teach them how to remain close to their children, even the prodigal sons and daughters who have sadly gone astray. Amen

I have heard a story about the bishop whom Saint Monica used for direction. His advice to St. Monica was “Try talking to God more about Augustine, and talking less about God to Augustine .”
May God bless you with the strenght you will need to perservere.

Lukelion
 
I happened to mention to a priest once that I was having a hard time getting my daughter to go to mass on Sundays, and besides kicking the door to her room open every Sunday morning, what else could I do. “Pray, and never stop, and your prayers will be answered” so this is what I do. Everyday no matter how busy, how rushed I remember to pray that prayer.
 
Hi there all,

Thank you all kindly for responding to this thread. I have taken your advice, and will apply it 🙂 It is sound advice! God bless you all!

Marilena 🙂
 
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