Short Question about NFP

[Lorelei12]

Furthermore, i still don’t understand why it would be painful to abstain for only 10 days out of the month? I mean, that doesn’t sound like a lot of days to abstain. If a couple were to wait for marriage to have sex, that means that they were abstinent for the first 25 years of their lives (assuming a couple would have married at the age of 25). If you have abstained from sex for 25 years of your life, then what is 10 days? This is so confusing.

First of all, it isn’t always just 10 days- it varies but for us it is usually 13-15. Add in abstinence during menstruation, which some people are not comfortable with, and it becomes closer to 20.

I understand the confusion, because I didn’t really understand before I was married either. I didn’t get why so many people had a hard time with it, especially if they waited until marriage. I get it now. Being married and living with someone, sleeping in the same bed, sharing intimacy (physical and otherwise), sharing plans for the future, makes it more difficult. Especially around ovulation. I’m not sure I would describe it as “painful”, but it is a challenge at times. And rightly so- it’s how we were designed. It’s not always difficult, but it certainly is a sacrifice for one or both of you at various times.

 

[Ophelia23]

Wait?! So now there is not only just 10-12 days but in addition there is also the abstinence from the period? How many days is the period? This is SO confusing! I don’t understand anything about the woman’s cycle. I don’t understand anything about this whole technique of NFP. How many days of the month do you abstain? How many days of the month do you not abstain?

Furthermore, i still don’t understand why it would be painful to abstain for only 10 days out of the month? I mean, that doesn’t sound like a lot of days to abstain. If a couple were to wait for marriage to have sex, that means that they were abstinent for the first 25 years of their lives (assuming a couple would have married at the age of 25). If you have abstained from sex for 25 years of your life, then what is 10 days? This is so confusing.

You’re looking for a set answer, and there isn’t one. Every woman is different. The purpose behind NFP classes is to instruct a couple on how to read and interpret a woman’s body signs so that you can properly chart her cycle. It is not a prescribed number of days.

Basic basic BASIC overview: A woman’s cycle is made up of three parts or phases. The first phase starts with menstruation. This is (typically) a non-fertile phase in the woman’s cycle. There is nothing requiring one to abstain during menstruation, but some people are uncomfortable with being intimate during this time. This first phase continues after menstruation until the start of phase two, which is a woman’s more fertile time. Phase two is marked with a change in body temperature, and the woman’s body produces mucus. This is part of the fertile phase leading to ovulation. Mucus supports the life of sperm, actually. Toward the end of the fertile phase, the woman ovulates. Phase two is the period of abstinence when practicing NFP to avoid pregnancy. Then there is phase three, which is marked by a shift back to the woman’s “normal” body temperature, and a drying up of the mucus. Phase three continues until the start of menstruation, wherein the cycle starts over again.

Every woman’s cycle is different. Some women complete this in 28 days. Some women complete this in 45 days. Some women don’t have regular cycles.

That is what classes are for. To help you better understand it all.

NFP is highly effective for either planning of pregnancy or for the avoidance of pregnancy. It simply requires one to pay closer attention to their body, and more importantly, to play closer attention to God’s will. It is a constant discernment.

 

[MJJean]

Wait?! So now there is not only just 10-12 days but in addition there is also the abstinence from the period? How many days is the period? This is SO confusing! I don’t understand anything about the woman’s cycle. I don’t understand anything about this whole technique of NFP. How many days of the month do you abstain? How many days of the month do you not abstain?

Furthermore, i still don’t understand why it would be painful to abstain for only 10 days out of the month? I mean, that doesn’t sound like a lot of days to abstain. If a couple were to wait for marriage to have sex, that means that they were abstinent for the first 25 years of their lives (assuming a couple would have married at the age of 25). If you have abstained from sex for 25 years of your life, then what is 10 days? This is so confusing.

My menstruation lasts for 5 days. Some women have 3 day periods, some 7 day periods. Some women are self conscious during their periods and may even be grumpy from cramping and hormones, so they do not want to have sex. Some women and men are simply grossed out by the idea of sex during menstruation and abstain during that time in addition to abstaining during the fertile time.

Why is abstaining difficult if that person abstained until they were 25 years old and married? Well, because for the first years a person is a child and has no interest in sex. Then they enter puberty and start having sexual attractions and urges. So, as an example, the person starts to become interested in sex when they are in their middle to late teenage years. During that time they are supervised by parents and busy with school. Not a whole lot of opportunity to obsess over sex.

Then the child is grown and marries. Now they are able to have sex and they realize how wonderful and pleasurable sex is both physically and mentally. Imagining physical intimacy is not the same as experiencing it. Once experienced it is harder to abstain because you know exactly what you’re missing!

The married couple are closely living with the object of their sexual desire every day. They are sharing a bed, sharing a bathing and dressing area, seeing each other in various states of dress and undress regularly. They are free to cuddle, touch, kiss and they want to do these things to demonstrate affection and deepen their bond.

While living in such close quarters and sharing such intimacy they cannot indulge their natural desire for each other during fertile times unless they want to risk pregnancy. And those fertile times are when the couple wants sex the most! Your body is screaming at you wanting sex and your heart and mind are screaming at you to share physical intimacy and bonding. For people with strong sexual urges this time of denial can indeed be physically and emotionally painful.