Should Grammy butt in?

[spk]

My daughter and her husband have decided to treat their two girls, ages 4 and 6, as equals. There is no such thing as “because I said so” in this family. When told to do something, it is okay if the child refuses. That child’s “no” comes across as very rude to me and others. I feel they’re making a big mistake but have always supported parents’ rights to raise children as they see fit. Is this as big a mistake as I think it is? Should I offer them my opinion, unsolicited?

 

[Michelle_Arnold]

I don’t think it would do much good for “Grammy” to offer her unsolicited opinion, however valid and wise I agree that it is. What you can do is to offer your own example of how an adult should relate to a child. If you regularly interact with your granddaughters and require of them a higher standard of behavior than their parents while they are under your watch, you may astound your daughter and son-in-law with how respectfully your granddaughters treat you. If they then complain that their children treat Grammy better than they do Mom and Dad, you will then have your opportunity to gently point out that parents who act as parents are taken more seriously and respected more than parents who try to be their child’s peer. (And, if they instead complain that you too should be trying to be their children’s buddy, you can say with dignity, “I have my own friends, thank you. While the girls are with me they know that they must treat me as their grandmother.”)