Should I accept a relationship with a man who dislikes our Catholic Faith?

[solsaguna]

I’d say no.

But the truth is, God is perfect and Gods will be done. I say no because it is clearly stated to not be unequally yoked.

 

[ClearWater]

3DOCTORS;11450034:

And I would venture to guess that many of those pieces of advice are based on experience.

:sad_yes:
In fact, to try too hard to change someone else is basically codependency, if you’ll forgive the psycho-jargon./QUOTE]

I think you have struck on the chief danger for most people in this situation. I am not suggesting that the poster is co-dependent, but I do know from personal experience that there are people that seek out co-dependent people to develop relationships with.

Yeah, narcissists.

 

[Porknpie]

I am confused. There is this man who is kind and good hearted and who loves me but he dislikes our Catholic Faith. He would like to have a relationship with me.I consider him a trustworthy and reliable friend who truly cares for me but I am reluctant to take this further for the above reasons and some others.
What would you advise? Where I live my chances of meeting good Catholic single men are practically nil.
I am confused regarding Gods Will on the matter.
Thank you for your replies

Marie,

What church does he attend or what is his faith background?

Would he attend RCIA with you to learn more?

 

[3DOCTORS]

esieffe;11450200:

Yeah, narcissists.

Huh?! Insofar as codependent is a word with a set meaning, it can encompass more than just narcissistic personalities.

The word was coined to describe those who got involved with addicts or alcoholics thinking they could “fix” them. Many of these “original codependents” themselves came from families where addiction was a problem so they were subconsciously gravitating toward the familiar, or trying to remake the past, thinking their parents’ problems and sins wouldn’t repeat in their own lives.

The term’s usage was broadened and the word “dysfunctional” (usually coupled with family or perhaps relationship) was also coined. Basically these terms are associated with messed-up people not being able to detect the signs of a messed-up situation. Or just a difficult situation. For example, my mother was a diabetic and sometimes moody depending on her blood sugar level - and I was sort of “codependent” in the way I tried to fit myself to her moods so we wouldn’t get into a nasty quarrel. And the guy I mentioned dating in my earlier posts? He was the son of an alcoholic.

So a person could be a “codependent” for any number of reasons, and his/her psychiatric diagnosis if there was one could be one or more of many different things. Or he/she could just be a person who got into a situation honestly thinking things were okay, or the other person in the relationship didn’t reveal his/her true colors or develop problems till later.

How this relates to the OP’s question is, I’m advising her not to be “codependent” in her style of thinking she should change things that are important to her, or overlook things about her guy, hoping that she can mold him into something different. She needs to be honest with herself and with him. Better some discomfort now than a lifetime of misery.

 

[EasterJoy]

I am ashamed of 90% of the replies to this thread so far. So much anger and resentment! How about a history lesson. Have you heard about St. Monica? The pious and holy mother of the great St. Augustine? Her husband was a pagan, and her son, the eventual saint and bishop Augustine, refused to be baptized for a very long time.

St. Monica suffered greatly in her personal life because of her husband and son’s lack of faith. But in the end, her holiness won them both over, and she is remembered as THE example of marital and motherly fidelity and perserverance.

Should you go into this relationship with eyes wide open about the spiritual cross that it might be for you? Of course. Should you discern whether that cross is yours to bear or not before it gets serious? Of course. But I wouldn’t flatly refuse simply on the grounds that he is not Catholic unless you had personally discerned that for yourself.

I am married to a non-Catholic and have many friends who are married to non-Catholics and lapsed Catholics. I cannot emphasize this too strongly: There is a HUGE difference between a non-believer who respects your faith and the value you place in it and someone who dislikes let alone disparages your faith, thinks they have room to tell you that you are doing it wrong, or (perhaps most important of all) resents the time and affection that you dedicate to it.

If someone disapproves of or resents your faith or figures to be a barrier to your continued growth in the faith, do not even date them, let alone marry them. Period. Certainly do not associate with someone who discourages your prayer life.

 

[EasterJoy]

PS St Monica did not choose her husband; her parents chose him for her. He also had a violent temper, something no one would suggest is acceptable in a bridegroom simply because St Monica endured it heroically with such blessed results.

 

[Fogwalker]

I continue to be stunned at how quickly most of the replies to this thread have passed complete and final judgment on this man’s suitability as a spouse when there is so much about him that we do not know. We read in Maria’s posts that he’s not particularly interested in becoming Catholic and disagrees with important concepts like praying the rosary, but what are his obstacles to these things? What is his experience with Catholicism (besides his friendship with Maria)?

If he has thoroughly investigated and discussed Catholicism with competent people, and if his past experience with Catholicism included contact with Catholic communities who are alive in their faith, and yet he still has this opposition, then I can sympathize more with the majority of posters on this thread who say that a relationship is not a good idea. But unless I missed something in Maria’s earlier posts, we have little information on his background and sensibilities.

 

[Fogwalker]

PS St Monica did not choose her husband; her parents chose him for her. He also had a violent temper, something no one would suggest is acceptable in a bridegroom simply because St Monica endured it heroically with such blessed results.

I was unaware that St. Monica’s marriage was arranged, although I did know that her husband was violent and also adulterous. I agree with you completely that St. Monica’s heroic patience and humility is not a suggestion to ignore gaping character flaws when looking for a spouse.

I only wanted to point out that it is unfair to generalize all relationships with “committed” non-Catholics as unfruitful, as exampled by St. Monica’s especially difficult situation.

 

[CarolNoel]

PS St Monica did not choose her husband; her parents chose him for her. He also had a violent temper, something no one would suggest is acceptable in a bridegroom simply because St Monica endured it heroically with such blessed results.

Glad you brought that up:thumbsup:

 

[Mrs_Sally]

I continue to be stunned at how quickly most of the replies to this thread have passed complete and final judgment on this man’s suitability as a spouse when there is so much about him that we do not know. We read in Maria’s posts that he’s not particularly interested in becoming Catholic and disagrees with important concepts like praying the rosary, but what are his obstacles to these things? What is his experience with Catholicism (besides his friendship with Maria)?

If he has thoroughly investigated and discussed Catholicism with competent people, and if his past experience with Catholicism included contact with Catholic communities who are alive in their faith, and yet he still has this opposition, then I can sympathize more with the majority of posters on this thread who say that a relationship is not a good idea. But unless I missed something in Maria’s earlier posts, we have little information on his background and sensibilities.

It is good to ask those questions. And to encourage someone to investigate the faith. But she doesn’t have to be dating or engaged to him while he does that. She is feeling very lonely and in a area with few single catholic men, it would be very easy to explain away differences. We are encouraging her not to do that.
She can tell him he needs to be more respectful of her faith. She can encourage him to attend rcia. She doesn’t have to confuse herself more by dating him while these major issues are unresolved.

 

[3DOCTORS]

I continue to be stunned at how quickly most of the replies to this thread have passed complete and final judgment on this man’s suitability as a spouse when there is so much about him that we do not know. We read in Maria’s posts that he’s not particularly interested in becoming Catholic and disagrees with important concepts like praying the rosary, but what are his obstacles to these things? What is his experience with Catholicism (besides his friendship with Maria)?

If he has thoroughly investigated and discussed Catholicism with competent people, and if his past experience with Catholicism included contact with Catholic communities who are alive in their faith, and yet he still has this opposition, then I can sympathize more with the majority of posters on this thread who say that a relationship is not a good idea. But unless I missed something in Maria’s earlier posts, we have little information on his background and sensibilities.

It’s true that we are only hearing from her side of the story, but I don’t think anyone is passing judgment on the man. What I and several others are getting at is that you can only go on what a person is in the present because there is no way of telling what he (or she) might become in the future. That’s where it comes down to which factors are deal-breakers. And if there are important deal-breakers, it doesn’t mean we’re advocating being nasty with this guy, merely honest. Honesty can and should be accompanied by tact and kindness.

 

[Fogwalker]

I completely agree with the last few posts that there is no need to be involved in a relationship with this guy while finding out these important questions. But I think most of the responses so far do not distinguish between postponing a relationship until these questions are answered and permanently ruling out a relationship.

 

[3DOCTORS]

I see what you mean. But in the meantime the OP should not close her mind or heart to other guys or be anxious about the outcome with the guy in question. And she should take care to develop her own healthy self-esteem so she is empowered to make a wise choice whenever the time for making choices presents itself.