Should I attend this wedding?

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I need some advice from fellow Catholics on whether or not to attend a wedding.

Sadly, one of my close relatives (an evangelical protestant) is seeking to be married for the third time, and it is being blessed and officiated by her local evangelical church (with much pomp and circumstance, no less). Needless to say, the prior two “spouses” are living, and no annulments have ever been sought out (naturally, as she is a protestant). I do not feel I can attend, as the whole thing is a grave scandal against Holy Matrimony. I especially feel the need to protect my 8-year-old from this confusion. I believe that exposing my child to “interfaith” controversies and confusion at this age is imprudent and a dereliction of my duties as a Catholic parent.

This is a tough dilemma for my conscience, as serial marriages are a scandal, and my child has no idea why our relative “is allowed to marry again.” I don’t think it would be right for us to attend the wedding and see “the church” and a “pastor” breaking God’s law on marriage. Sure, they’re not Catholic, but my child isn’t old enough to understand The Reformation and all the ensuing “interfaith” confusions that have emerged since then.

I’d greatly appreciate some expert advice on this, as I hope the Church has guidelines that might help me here.

Thanks in advance!
 
…evangelical protestants don’t feel the way most catholics do… heck, a healthy 50% of catholics feel exactly the way most evangelical portestants do…

i say, whatever float your boat…

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You know, I really wouldn’t be too worried. Every single incedent that I’m aware of where a family member has skipped a wedding that they “don’t approve of” for Catholic reasons has done nothing but divide the family and cause the non-Catholic relatives to blame (and sometimes hate) the Church because of it. Remember, the Church does NOT forbid you from attending.

I think the best thing to do is attend the wedding and explain it to your child by saying something along the lines of this: “Different churches have different rules. We belong to the Catholic Church and our church says that you can only get married one time. Other Churches don’t have that rule. We believe that our Church has the best rules, but we can still love our relatives that belong to another church.”

Now, if she was marrying another woman, it would be a whole different story…
 
While you can attend the wedding, you could also send polite regrets. In your circumstances, I would be uncomfortable. But don’t make a big deal of it. You can let it be known to your immediate family that you don’t approve of re-marriage after divorce and that you don’t care to condone it by attending the wedding. Recognize that those who don’t agree with you will criticize you. But that’s life. We can’t please all the people all the time. It is more important to live our values and teach them to our children–not matter what others think.
 
Jabronie,

Why would it be different if it was a woman marrying a woman? I mean, why would you take a different position. My sister’s wedding is adultery. Two women marrying is sin, and adultery is sin. Why would you have two different standards?

Thanks.
 
I would not attend the wedding with your child. Not because your child can not understand however. I would not attend with your child as it may be showing your child that it is fine with you. I do not think your child is too young to understand the issue at least some what.

I am divorced and have an 8 year old child. His mother is not Catholic and became engaged only seven or so months after the divorce was final and was re-married one year after it was final. I being Catholic can not re-marry absent a nullity. I have had to have many conversations about this with my child. Over a long period of time he has come to understand a lot better than one might expect of an 8 year old. In fact, he probably knows more than most adults about the topic.

If this is a relative your child has contact with, it is going to come up. Your child will ask questions at some point. It is something you will likely have to deal with. However, asking questions and feeling that you support your relative’s choices are two distinct things. Therefore, I would not take your child if you do attend.
 
Thank you, everyone, for your responses. It’s a tough situation all around.
 
I definitely would not go to such a scandal whether it is Catholic or not. Your children do not need to see that these type of actions are just ok.
Remember, we are to hate sin, but love the sinner. Loving the sinner does not mean we condone what they are doing. Love the sinner means only that we respect them as a child of God and do what we know is best for them. If we make them feel there is nothing wrong with what they are doing, is that helping them to repent? Since they invited you, you are free to let them know the harm they are doing to themselves and those around them. That can be said with sincere concern for them and not condemningly.
Example:
My sister married in the court house a Catholic man who was divorced but had not been annulled. No one said anything, she was even encouraged by her priest. I had to tell her that they were living in adultery. That they needed to live as brother and sister till her spouse got his annulement.
It was hard to say, and it was hard to recieve but they are working on it and I know they will be happy in the end.
We have to teach our chidren respect for marriage and be good examples ourselves.
Take courage, God Bless.
 
*Jabronie,

Why would it be different if it was a woman marrying a woman? I mean, why would you take a different position. My sister’s wedding is adultery. Two women marrying is sin, and adultery is sin. Why would you have two different standards?

Thanks.*

Two women marrying each other is a sin, however, it a much more complicated sin to explain to a young child, most of whom who lack the understanding of why something so clearly against God’s law would ever take place.
 
The world might be a much kinder and gentler place if everyone was of the same beliefs. However we are not. Stick by your beliefs as far as you daughter is concerned, but don’t try forcing others to follow what you believe. It causes problems and would be no different if THEY tried to make YOU believe HOW and WHAT they believed.
Follow our wonderful faith’s teachings and beliefs, and teach others by example. We all know where “home” really is.
~ Kathy ~
 
-GW-:
Jabronie,

Why would it be different if it was a woman marrying a woman? I mean, why would you take a different position. My sister’s wedding is adultery. Two women marrying is sin, and adultery is sin. Why would you have two different standards?

Thanks.
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The only reason I’d say it’s different is because in addition to the already difficult job of explaining religious differences to your children when it comes to marriage & divorce, you’d have to open up the whole can of worms about homosexuality and marriage from a religious and political view. I was kind of tongue-in-cheek with that last sentance, but I do like the “take one thing at a time” approach.

Hope that clarified a little. 🙂
 
My daughter who was brought up Catholic is getting married by a protestant minister this Saturday!.We’ve had many fights over this and some residual hurt feelings. I was so distraught over this that I went to my Parish priest and asked him if I should go to her wedding. He told me I should go and said “You should always leave the door open”. Since then I have made peace with my daughter and the situation. There are many things I don’t understand about her way of thinking but I accept her.And I pray that God shows her the way.I believe she is on her own journey to heaven and that this is a bump in the road.
On the other hand, my youngest daughter is 19 and will be her brides maid.Her values are already formed and she attends a Catholic College. I would have much difficulty if my child was 8. If you go I would leave her at home or just go to the reception so that she does not witness the ceremony.
Also my 85 year old mother refuses to go to the wedding. It has caused my mother to not show up to family get togethers.She has hard feelings towards my daughter.I understand her reasoning but I am glad I did not take that stand.
 
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