Should I be given a second chance?

[Zcasta]

Recently my fiance and I broke up because he said we had different goals and plans. He meant this mostly because I repeatedly kept using birth control even when he had expressed his feelings towards using contraception. I knew that the church did not approve of the use of contraception, but I did not really fully understand why this was so frowned upon until now. After 24 years of being a Catholic I finally started to read the bible and actually research why the church stands behind NFP and I am focusing my time on being a practicing Catholic and focusing on myself. The issue is that my ex will be coming to get his stuff from my house sometime in November and I feel like knowing what I know now and truly understanding the reasons behind the non acceptance of contraception I feel that we could really have a chance at being in each others lives again and possibly becoming more than that. Do you guys think I should be given a second chance? Or should I just let him be and move on? I just don’t want him to think that I changed my beliefs and goals for him, but I want him to know that we now truly do share the same desires and goals it just sadly took a break up for me to realize it.

 

[Petaro]

I am not going to comment on your need for contraception, or your previous living arrangements as it relates to your faith. Not my business.
However, disappointing your boyfriend re contraception may not be the only issue between you. It could, nevertheless, be used as a starting point for an in depth discussion to re-ignite your relationship. I think anyone who really loves another will always give them a second chance. Could give you some idea as to the bond between you. As a Catholic I don’t have to remind you of the value of prayer in any situation. May God bless your future,

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

Do you guys think I should be given a second chance? Or should I just let him be and move on? I just don’t want him to think that I changed my beliefs and goals for him, but I want him to know that we now truly do share the same desires and goals it just sadly took a break up for me to realize it.

Well, only he can decide if he wants to give you a 2nd chance.

This issue of contraception seems strange to me because it appears from what you have said that you were intimate. I don’t understand how someone can engage in sin of extramarital sex AND have a problem with contraception. Why be ok with one mortal sin and make a fuss over the other? If I have misunderstood what you wrote, I do apologise. But if this was indeed the case, it is not just you who needs a bit of maturing to do, but him as well.

I think you guys need to have a honest conversation about where you are spiritually and about your relationship. People often break up and then realise they want to get back together. If you make this relationship truly God-centred, it will be even better. But in order to do that you must take all the teachings of the church on sexual morality seriously.

I hope this has helped. Good luck!

 

[E_7]

Well, only he can decide if he wants to give you a 2nd chance.

This issue of contraception seems strange to me because it appears from what you have said that you were intimate. I don’t understand how someone can engage in sin of extramarital sex AND have a problem with contraception. Why be ok with one mortal sin and make a fuss over the other? If I have misunderstood what you wrote, I do apologise. But if this was indeed the case, it is not just you who needs a bit of maturing to do, but him as well.

I think you guys need to have a honest conversation about where you are spiritually and about your relationship. People often break up and then realise they want to get back together. If you make this relationship truly God-centred, it will be even better. But in order to do that you must take all the teachings of the church on sexual morality seriously.

I hope this has helped. Good luck!

 

[MaryT777]

Well, only he can decide if he wants to give you a 2nd chance.

This issue of contraception seems strange to me because it appears from what you have said that you were intimate. I don’t understand how someone can engage in sin of extramarital sex AND have a problem with contraception. Why be ok with one mortal sin and make a fuss over the other? If I have misunderstood what you wrote, I do apologise. But if this was indeed the case, it is not just you who needs a bit of maturing to do, but him as well.

I think you guys need to have a honest conversation about where you are spiritually and about your relationship. People often break up and then realise they want to get back together. If you make this relationship truly God-centred, it will be even better. But in order to do that you must take all the teachings of the church on sexual morality seriously.

I hope this has helped. Good luck!

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Recently my fiance and I broke up because he said we had different goals and plans. He meant this mostly because I repeatedly kept using birth control even when he had expressed his feelings towards using contraception. I knew that the church did not approve of the use of contraception, but I did not really fully understand why this was so frowned upon until now. After 24 years of being a Catholic I finally started to read the bible and actually research why the church stands behind NFP and I am focusing my time on being a practicing Catholic and focusing on myself. The issue is that my ex will be coming to get his stuff from my house sometime in November and I feel like knowing what I know now and truly understanding the reasons behind the non acceptance of contraception I feel that we could really have a chance at being in each others lives again and possibly becoming more than that. Do you guys think I should be given a second chance? Or should I just let him be and move on? I just don’t want him to think that I changed my beliefs and goals for him, but I want him to know that we now truly do share the same desires and goals it just sadly took a break up for me to realize it.

So, he is a good enough Catholic to not accept contraception but not good enough to have sex within a marriage? Weird.

That being said. I think you should tell him you have had an “awakening” and realized that contraception is wrong. As is premarital sex and living together before marriage.

Then I think you should move on and find a decent Catholic man who’s morals match his faith.

 

[JohnMPhilomena]

As others have said - the decision is really up to him. But you can try to convince him of your sincerity.

Also, it is rarely just one issue that breaks up a relationship, so this may have been his excuse for ending the relationship when really he just wanted out.

Pray, talk to him, but I wouldn’t push it if he starts twisting your words or not accepting your sincerity.

Peace,
John

 

[Zcasta]

Well, only he can decide if he wants to give you a 2nd chance.

This issue of contraception seems strange to me because it appears from what you have said that you were intimate. I don’t understand how someone can engage in sin of extramarital sex AND have a problem with contraception. Why be ok with one mortal sin and make a fuss over the other? If I have misunderstood what you wrote, I do apologise. But if this was indeed the case, it is not just you who needs a bit of maturing to do, but him as well.

I think you guys need to have a honest conversation about where you are spiritually and about your relationship. People often break up and then realise they want to get back together. If you make this relationship truly God-centred, it will be even better. But in order to do that you must take all the teachings of the church on sexual morality seriously.

I hope this has helped. Good luck!

Yes that was why I was more upset because he got offended and upset that I used contraception but regardless we slept together and that’s where both of us should have been strong dough to have said no. He had expressed not wanting me to stay with him because he is going through the conversion process and didn’t want to go against God but in the end both of us made a bad decision and decided to stay together for the week. After you lived with someone for a year and a half and because Religion wasnt such a staple in my life I didnt see a problem with it. Obviously I was wrong and now understand. We weren’t living together but I went to go visit him since we were in a long distance relationship for the time being. Before that we had lived together because we were college roommates that was how we actually met. I reall. Appreciate everyone advice and I think that for now maybe it’s good we both focus on our relationship with God first so that if we get back together our relationship can be one with a strong foundation unlike the one before.
Thanks guys! And God bless! .

 

[St_Francis]

Yes that was why I was more upset because he got offended and upset that I used contraception but regardless we slept together and that’s where both of us should have been strong dough to have said no. He had expressed not wanting me to stay with him because he is going through the conversion process and didn’t want to go against God but in the end both of us made a bad decision and decided to stay together for the week. After you lived with someone for a year and a half and because Religion wasnt such a staple in my life I didnt see a problem with it. Obviously I was wrong and now understand. We weren’t living together but I went to go visit him since we were in a long distance relationship for the time being. Before that we had lived together because we were college roommates that was how we actually met. I reall. Appreciate everyone advice and I think that for now maybe it’s good we both focus on our relationship with God first so that if we get back together our relationship can be one with a strong foundation unlike the one before.
Thanks guys! And God bless! .

What a wonderful post!

 

[E_7]

I reall. Appreciate everyone advice and I think that for now maybe it’s good we both focus on our relationship with God first so that if we get back together our relationship can be one with a strong foundation unlike the one before.
Thanks guys! And God bless! .

 

[SuperLuigi]

Recently my fiance and I broke up because he said we had different goals and plans. He meant this mostly because I repeatedly kept using birth control even when he had expressed his feelings towards using contraception. I knew that the church did not approve of the use of contraception, but I did not really fully understand why this was so frowned upon until now. After 24 years of being a Catholic I finally started to read the bible and actually research why the church stands behind NFP and I am focusing my time on being a practicing Catholic and focusing on myself. The issue is that my ex will be coming to get his stuff from my house sometime in November and I feel like knowing what I know now and truly understanding the reasons behind the non acceptance of contraception I feel that we could really have a chance at being in each others lives again and possibly becoming more than that. Do you guys think I should be given a second chance? Or should I just let him be and move on? I just don’t want him to think that I changed my beliefs and goals for him, but I want him to know that we now truly do share the same desires and goals it just sadly took a break up for me to realize it.

Oh, I’d support you in trying to rectify this, and I applaud you for having the courage to investigate the truth!

If only others would follow your example!

 

[TrueChurch]

You need to work this out together. Sit and have a talk with him. Ask him if you guys want to start over. Make it simple at first and then later get into a deeper relationship. Go to mass together and see if you can work it out.

 

[Zcasta]

You need to work this out together. Sit and have a talk with him. Ask him if you guys want to start over. Make it simple at first and then later get into a deeper relationship. Go to mass together and see if you can work it out.

The issue is that we do not live close to each other at the moment. I do plan on moving up to where he is, not for him, but because the area is where I want to live I can’t see myself living in Southern California for long, but this is where my family is and where I have the most support so once I have enough money to move I will and maybe then we can start off slow as friends and church buddies, and see where it goes from there.

 

[EasterJoy]

I’m not quite getting you. If he’s really blaming you for your collective bad moral judgment, let it break up and don’t get back together until he has a total change of heart on that question. The willingness to shift blame is the sort of character defect that you cannot afford to have in a spouse. (Let Adam and Eve be your hint on that one!!) If he never acknowledges his part in your collective bad decision-making, bet that he hasn’t rooted out his openness for a repeat. Don’t date him again if you aren’t satisfied that he’s willing to accept blame and make amends instead of excuses when the guilt is his.

If he’s merely saying that you are both weak and a near occasion of sin for each other, the reason for breaking up is quite different, but the end result is the same.

Let go. Don’t look back. Look forward. That is where the path lies for a good Catholic marriage for you. If you two marry and want the best chances of doing it well, you’ll be such different people when you start over that you’ll really be starting over. I’m not saying it won’t happen, but expect starting from scratch to be the only route to a good life with him. I think you’ll get a much better result that way. If you go forward and don’t get back together, you’ll still be doing the work for the path God has in mind for you. You can’t go wrong with that.

 

[Catholic1954]

Recently my fiance and I broke up because he said we had different goals and plans. He meant this mostly because I repeatedly kept using birth control even when he had expressed his feelings towards using contraception. I knew that the church did not approve of the use of contraception, but I did not really fully understand why this was so frowned upon until now. After 24 years of being a Catholic I finally started to read the bible and actually research why the church stands behind NFP and I am focusing my time on being a practicing Catholic and focusing on myself. The issue is that my ex will be coming to get his stuff from my house sometime in November and I feel like knowing what I know now and truly understanding the reasons behind the non acceptance of contraception I feel that we could really have a chance at being in each others lives again and possibly becoming more than that. Do you guys think I should be given a second chance? Or should I just let him be and move on? I just don’t want him to think that I changed my beliefs and goals for him, but I want him to know that we now truly do share the same desires and goals it just sadly took a break up for me to realize it.

Lesson learned, move on, and next time, don’t live together unless you are married to him.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

Appreciate everyone advice and I think that for now maybe it’s good we both focus on our relationship with God first so that if we get back together our relationship can be one with a strong foundation unlike the one before.
Thanks guys! And God bless! .

I’m glad you found the comments helpful.

I understand how you bf is feeling. Something similar happened to me. If it’s any consolation, it is possible to go from a very secular attitude to dating (and everything that goes with it) to a chaste relationship, as a result of a conversion. I think you guys are in a good position because you are both deepening your relationship with God and growing spiritually. You can support each other and carry on stronger than before.

I hope everything works out for the best

 

[Zcasta]

Thank you Contra! I feel bad about what happened, but I think time apart and not talking to each other and us separately building our relationship with God will help in the long run, whether or not we get back together. When I was in my secular mind set I found like my actions where justifiable, but once I started actually accepting God and reading the Bible it was like a true eye opener.

 

[EasterJoy]

Thank you Contra! I feel bad about what happened, but I think time apart and not talking to each other and us separately building our relationship with God will help in the long run, whether or not we get back together. When I was in my secular mind set I found like my actions where justifiable, but once I started actually accepting God and reading the Bible it was like a true eye opener.

You are wise to give up on what is “fair” and to pursue instead what is right. That can be very hard, because it stings to appear to bear more of the blame than you believe you ought to bear. As for the bad that happened, repent, amend, and remember it only for the sake of avoiding near occasions of similar errors in the future. If you are tempted to punish yourself, don’t. Instead, do pray and do penance for those who are currently contemplating or committing the same sin. If you gain compassion for those who fall as you did, that turns your return into a chance to profit both yourself and others. (There is no limit to the generosity of God to those who open themselves to grace!)

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I think the “time apart” is going to lead to a very nice resolution for all involved.