Should I be my sister's Maid of Honor?

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Ann78

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My sister (my only sibling) has been living with her Agnostic boyfriend for over a year. She used to be Christian, but since they have been together she is no longer sure she even believes in God. They are living together with the intent of marriage, and she has already told me that she wants me to be her Maid of Honor, and that she wants to be married in the Methodist church where we grew up, because that is the traditional thing to do.

I am a devout Christian (on my way to becoming Catholic, BTW) and I am offended at the thought of two people in an knowingly godless relationship, knowingly living in sin according to the church, would make a mockery of what I believe to be a holy covenant with God by being married in a Christian church.

Am I being a horrible sister and making unnecessary waves in my family by refusing to be her Maid of Honor, or am I justly standing up for the sancity of marriage in the church?
 
Ann – That is certainly a tough issue, but let me share something with you that may help…

My younger brother got married last year and asked me to be his best man after we’d not spoken in nearly a year because I caught him lying to me about some major issues, not once, but twice. I told him, his fiance, and virtually all of my family that I was willing to forgive him if he’d only apologize. He chose to simply go on as if he had no remorse for lying to me and making me look a fool when I backed his lie.

To make a long story short, I chose not to be his best man or even in the wedding although I did attend. I was trying to make a point… To this day, I still regret that decision. I should have turned the other cheek and been a more positive role model. It was my duty to be the most loving, Christian example of a brother that I could be and I failed.

Ultimately, however, you must do what your heart tells you is right. Even though you don’t approve of the situation entirely, some things are just out of our control and better left for God to handle at some point down the road.

I hope this helps you as you try to sort through this difficult dilemma.

Peace,
troy
 
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Ann78:
My sister (my only sibling) has been living with her Agnostic boyfriend for over a year. She used to be Christian, but since they have been together she is no longer sure she even believes in God. They are living together with the intent of marriage, and she has already told me that she wants me to be her Maid of Honor, and that she wants to be married in the Methodist church where we grew up, because that is the traditional thing to do.

I am a devout Christian (on my way to becoming Catholic, BTW) and I am offended at the thought of two people in an knowingly godless relationship, knowingly living in sin according to the church, would make a mockery of what I believe to be a holy covenant with God by being married in a Christian church.

Am I being a horrible sister and making unnecessary waves in my family by refusing to be her Maid of Honor, or am I justly standing up for the sancity of marriage in the church?
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NO!..your not being a horrible sister… go if you wish, and don’t look back… stay away if you wish, but be prepared to live with that decision… it’s your call…
When it comes to family situations, i really feel this is a decision better made in front of a mirror… pay little attention to advice given here and that includes me… … these Hell if you do and Hell if you don’t situations are the kind of stuff that will just kill ya, and it can destroy relationships for years if not for the rest of your life… are you prepared for the worst case senario (the loss of your only sister)… is it really necessary for you to stand your ground here? She knows your feelings I assume, that being said how important is it to YOU. I finish the same way I started… it’s your decission, don’t listen to me… Good Luck and God Bless you both… 👍
 
My Aunt got remmarried in Vegas in one of those Chapels by a woman, there was no way they were dragging me to that ‘Marriage’.
 
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Ann78:
My sister (my only sibling) has been living with her Agnostic boyfriend for over a year. She used to be Christian, but since they have been together she is no longer sure she even believes in God. They are living together with the intent of marriage, and she has already told me that she wants me to be her Maid of Honor, and that she wants to be married in the Methodist church where we grew up, because that is the traditional thing to do.
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My advice would be to go. It seems your sister needs all the positive influence in her life that you can give her. Let her know your true feelings. But, don’t turn your back on her. She is your only sister and it sounds to me like you can be a positive force in her life.

By refusing to be in her wedding and expressing a very judgemental attitude you will only cause her to shut you out. She’ll be hurt and that is all that she will be able to see.

She is going to get married anyway. You may as well be there to let her know you do love her and support her even if you don’t agree with her lifestyle choices.
 
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Ann78:
Am I being a horrible sister and making unnecessary waves in my family by refusing to be her Maid of Honor, or am I justly standing up for the sancity of marriage in the church?
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This sort of decision has the potential to be one you either regret forever or are forever grateful that you chose what you did. But you know that already, so I wish you the best in your decision, whatever it may be.

I’ll share that I was in a similar situation with my brother. The bride was a Catholic getting married against her entire (Catholic) family in a Methodist Church. I was the Catholic in the wedding service. I did the only reading (1 Cor). I read that love is patient, love is kind, love never seeks its own way, straight to my brother. I’ll never regret that, so long as I live.
 
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Ann78:
I am a devout Christian (on my way to becoming Catholic, BTW) and I am offended at the thought of two people in an knowingly godless relationship, knowingly living in sin according to the church, would make a mockery of what I believe to be a holy covenant with God by being married in a Christian church. {/QUOTE]

This is SO hard. Does your sister understand what a difficult position she’s put you in? Are you able to explain it to her? Would she be offended or would she be grateful you were honest with her? I have no sisters (4 brothers!) but it seems to me that in a good relationship, she ought to respect your sincere feelings. If you know of a wise priest, you might seek his counsel. —KCT
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cove:
My advice would be to go. It seems your sister needs all the positive influence in her life that you can give her. Let her know your true feelings. But, don’t turn your back on her. She is your only sister and it sounds to me like you can be a positive force in her life.

By refusing to be in her wedding and expressing a very judgemental attitude you will only cause her to shut you out. She’ll be hurt and that is all that she will be able to see.

She is going to get married anyway. You may as well be there to let her know you do love her and support her even if you don’t agree with her lifestyle choices.
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Their going to get married either way. Sometimes you need to show tough love and sometimes you need to humble yourself and let Christ. Ask Mary and Joseph to pray for them during the whole service.
 
Ann:

Of course be her Maid of Honor. Let the love of Christ shine through YOU to her and her husband!

God Bless~~
 
Ann,

Absolutely go and be the Maid of Honor. You can never have this event back. If you don’t participate, you lose any chance of being an influence in the future.

John
 
Why wouldn’t you want to encourage your sister as they take a step toward legitimizing their relationship in the eyes of God?

Seems like a no-brainer to me…go!
 
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Ann78:
I am a devout Christian (on my way to becoming Catholic, BTW) and I am offended at the thought of two people in an knowingly godless relationship, knowingly living in sin according to the church, would make a mockery of what I believe to be a holy covenant with God by being married in a Christian church.

QUOTE]

I think you’ve answered your own question here. The fact that your sister is living a life you do not agree with gives you the right to feel the way you do. Alls you have to do is Not judge her, and pray for her that she may see God’s light. However, by standing in for her as a bridesmaid obviously goes against your moral convictions and may bother your conscience. If it’s bothering you that much, then maybe you shouldnt do it. I’d talk to a priest to get better insight though. It sounds like a bad situation where you are torn. Being a Catholic isnt easy. I lost the support of my father when I joined the church. But its the price I had to pay in order to receive the Eucharist.
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I would go to my parish priest and ask him. In our area, the ministers of most of the churches have signed a pact in which none of them will marry couples who are living in sin. After the couples split and move apart, plus take pre-cana classes, then they will marry them. Your sister may be surprised when she goes to a Methodist minister to be married…there may be a similar pact there, as well.

Sometimes God removes the obstacles in our lives when we let Him. Ask your sister if she has lined up a church to be married in. She may not have and all of this may blow over.

If you are to be a witness at a civil ceremony - I don’t know what the church’s stance is on that, however, this is your sister and you want to be supportive and loving without compromising your faith in Christ.

Above all - charity! God Bless
 
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