Should I be "Ready" First?

[Job42]

Up until now I have not dated. This is because I do not consider myself ready in terms of being holy enough or man enough or in terms of my career. (This is not meant as a personal ad or anything, but FYI I am an INFP. This link describes me well for the most part personalitypage.com/INFP.html)) But lately I have been having second thoughts. I know that nobody is 100% ready when they meet the right woman and I know that if I keep waiting I will continue this lonely life and die alone. So my question is: Is it better for one to wait until he/she is sufficiently ready, or is it better to jump right in once one finds the right partner? Especially as an INFP, should I try to overcome my weaknesses and vices first, or try to find someone who can help me overcome those weaknesses?

 

[1ke]

As a P, you must recognize that you will never be “sufficiently ready” as there is always more data to gather, more things to work on. It is the nature of a P.

So, reach in to yourself and find some J.

You find someone who loves you, weaknesses and all, and work on them together. Which is a lifetime project.

 

[kerebos]

I would personally suggest to stop referring to yourself as being INFP. Don’t let what somebody else defined as an INFP define who you are.

As 1ke mentioned, there’s probably some ESTJ inside you, but if you’re so focused on being an INFP, you’ll either never find it or your second guess yourself and talk yourself out of making an “uncharacteristic” decision. You’re never going to be “ready”, but every once in a while you just need to close your eyes and jump.

 

[shainski]

To save argument, I won’t use any facts.

INFPs do not like to deal with hard facts and logic. Their focus on their feelings and the Human Condition makes it difficult for them to deal with impersonal judgment. They don’t understand or believe in the validity of impersonal judgment, which makes them naturally rather ineffective at using it. Most INFPs will avoid impersonal analysis, although some have developed this ability and are able to be quite logical. Under stress, it’s not uncommon for INFPs to mis-use hard logic in the heat of anger, throwing out fact after (often inaccurate) fact in an emotional outburst.

hmm, it doesn’t sound like we’ll be able to convince you that your logic is faulty.

INFPs have very high standards and are perfectionists. Consequently, they are usually hard on themselves, and don’t give themselves enough credit. INFPs may have problems working on a project in a group, because their standards are likely to be higher than other members’ of the group. In group situations, they may have a “control” problem. The INFP needs to work on balancing their high ideals with the requirements of every day living. Without resolving this conflict, they will never be happy with themselves, and they may become confused and paralyzed about what to do with their lives.

and as 1ke has pointed out, you’ll never be ready.

So what do you have to lose? try to perfect everything in your life and you’ll simply be older and imperfect - or jump in now and enjoy the journey.

 

[John_AH]

No one knows when they are ready, only God really knows. Trust in Him. Talk to Him!
He will prepare you and bring that person along when it is time.

God’s peace be with you,

 

[mini_me640]

No one is ever ready. We are all a work in progress so be open to the possibilities God sends your way!

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Risking is scary. Do it anyway.

 

[Marybeloved]

How interesting to find someone here knowledgeable about MBTI type theory. I was really fascinated with it for three years. I myself think I am an E/INFJ. What I like most about MBTI is it’s the only other thing apart from Catholicism whose logic and workings seemed consistent with life/reality as I experience it. Basically, it explains so much about the world and human relations.

 

[Job42]

How interesting to find someone here knowledgeable about MBTI type theory. I was really fascinated with it for three years. I myself think I am an E/INFJ. What I like most about MBTI is it’s the only other thing apart from Catholicism whose logic and workings seemed consistent with life/reality as I experience it. Basically, it explains so much about the world and human relations.

Yeah I thought it was pretty cool when I first learned about it, too. I took a Myers-Briggs test in college as part of a career search and INFP was the result. I wish I had kept the results, but I didn’t. I remember that I was heavy on the “I” but I don’t remember where on the spectrum I fell on the other 3 categories except that I was borderline on 2 of the 3 and far to the right on the remaining one. I do remember the conductor of the test saying that "IN"s are relatively rare. I am so unique jk

 

[Marybeloved]

Yeah I thought it was pretty cool when I first learned about it, too. I took a Myers-Briggs test in college as part of a career search and INFP was the result. I wish I had kept the results, but I didn’t. I remember that I was heavy on the “I” but I don’t remember where on the spectrum I fell on the other 3 categories except that I was borderline on 2 of the 3 and far to the right on the remaining one. I do remember the conductor of the test saying that "IN"s are relatively rare. I am so unique jk

Hey, INFP, Do you think that the NF idealism may be behind your desire to wait until “everything is perfect”?. I know, because I have the same thoughts about what a “Holy marriage” I should/want to have and that I should be prepared by then. MBTI helps to make us see that some of our perceptions are not objective but “typical” if you catch my drift

But what we often forget is that the Saints became Saints through an entire lifetime. If you wait until you’re completely perfect, you’ll have to “settle” for your honeymoon with your spouse in heaven If marriage is God’s choice for you, then its a means to help you become holy through sacrificial love, struggles, not having your way all the time etc etc. Still though, it’s good to prepare yourself for it while you’re waiting for a woman, I’ve seen some Catholic therapists on the net say that a lot of issues are taken to marriage that can be sorted while you’re single so you try to make sure you carry the least baggage that you can into your marriage. But “not being Holy” is not one of those- That is sorted in the school of life under the Direction of God, the Holy Spirit.

I think if you’re genuinely struggling to be good, learning what the church teaches and what Christ wants and trying to do it, praying and having an interior life, and doing your best in your material life- tying to get a job, do it well, taking care of your family and responsibilities etc- Then don’t pass up a good prospect just because you’re not a Saint yet. You will be one day (Most Holy Mother, grant it to us by your prayers)- But probably “through” the struggles of marriage, not before.