Should I encourage a friend?

[DaughterSorrow]

I have a friend - a 35 year old man - who is such a servant of God. He truly has a heart of service and love. He is always involved in our parish community. If help is needed, he is the first to arrive whether it’s cooking burgers for the picnic, being an EM, motivating our youth group, or aiding the poor.

He has been trying to find the "right woman’ for many years, but things just aren’t clicking. He says he wants to get married and have a family. I feel that he would be a wonderful priest. I just didn’t know if it was my place to encourage him to pray about this, or whether I should leave it alone, as I don’t want to interfere with a true calling he may hear from God.

Any thoughts?

In Peace,
DS

 

[chicago]

My dictum for this sort of thing is “relate, respect, respond”.

A calling is a very personal matter which one ultimately has to work out for themselves. We can support, make suggestions, and all. But that needs to be done in genuine friendship and understanding, lest it be mere pushiness. How would you like it, for instance, if a parent incesantly asked, “So when are you going to get married and give me grandkids?” Or if a friend kept saying, “You REALLY ought to get back with Julie!” (when you know darn well that Julie isn’t your kind of girl)?

It’s fair enough to ask the question of the person, then, but try to make sure that you know them well enough and can ideally relate to them on a level where he will respect what your perspective is. Otherwise, it may just cause a backlash. Also, invite and ask - respecting where the person is coming from.

Sometimes people will just throw something out there, “You ought to consider the priesthood!” Or “Why don’t you become a priest?” Maybe, “You’d be (or are GOING TO BE) a GREAT priest!” Perhaps a person should hear that, in some cases, ultimately. But if you come on hard and fast, not knowing where the man is coming from, it could just cause rebellion which will go no where. “HOW DARE YOU TELL ME, A GROWN MAN, WHAT TO DO!!!” I mean, perhaps he HAS considered the priesthood, already, and found it is not for him. Or, possibly, the call to marriage is something well discerned and fought for.

The ultimate way to approach the matter, in friendship, is by asking if he’d mind you sharing your thoughts on something concerning him. If he’s open, then let him know what it is that you see in him. If he’s appreciative, express that you can’t help but thinking that these are exceptional qualities which you value and see as helpful to others. As such, you were thinking that he could, potentially, be a good priest. And ask whether he has ever thought about that or if it is something which he has been/is open to. This can open up a conversation, or allow him to shut it down if he’s uncomfortable with it. Whatever his answer is fine. Thus, you are each respectfully responding to each other in a positive relationship.

 

[Eileen_T]

I would ask, casually, “Have you ever considered the priesthood?” and listen to his reply. Then leave it alone except for prayer.

 

[DaughterSorrow]

Thank you for your comments. Up to now, I have done nothing but pray! I will perhaps (if given the opening) ask the question and back off. He knows how much I care about him and his future. I don’t think would be pushy.
Peace,
DS

 

[vince2paul]

Usually, if I want to ask such questions or serious questions, I would say it clear but in informal manner, and not expecting him to answer. Hopefully, the person can reflect & think about it when he’s alone. Because getting such question, some people might not know what to answer.

 

[PhilipCal]

Sounds like a pretty wonderful guy. At 35 years of age, we’ve got to pretty well assume the gentleman knows his mind. It’s quite possible though that he is currently doing exactly what Our Lord wants him to do. While our Holy Church is in dire need of priests, the term “vocation” isn’t limited to the Holy Priesthood or the Religious Life. His vocation may well be that which he is currently doing. Still, it might not hurt, and this is a judgement call, to make the suggestion you mentioned in a casual sort of way, and then, back off. The Holy Spirit is alive and well, and certainly open to our prayers for this fine man.