Should I Go or Should I Stay

[Tonks40]

…at home??

Got a little dilemma that I need to try and get resolved by Friday, and I’m trying to gain some insight.

I’m a singer. I sing at church, I sing at a secular community choir, I sang in a country-western band, and a latin-jazz band in the past. I’ve been singing ever since I can remember. I’ve made lots of life-long friends in the process, some going back over 25 years.

One of my friends moved to North Carolina last summer, and I found out today from another one of my friends that she is in town. I’ve known my long-distance friend since high-school. A year and a half ago, while still living in town, I introduced her to karaoke and some of the friends I’ve made through this activity. She took to it like a fish in water, so-to-speak. We’ve had a lot of good times singing and laughing away in karaoke, stuff I’ll never forget.

Now my dilemma - my other friends have made plans to go out to karaoke this Friday with my N. Carolina friend, and when I was invited, I immediately said, “ok, where?” In the past, this was never a problem for me, but in October, at the place where we are going, I heard of an incident during the bar’s Halloween party that someone had dressed up as a priest. This is normally ok, but when I heard that this person had a “sex-toy” strapped underneath his shirt, I quietly became vehementally offended! Not only that, but I understand that one of my friends interacted with this person in a not-so-appropriate manner. It was then that I made a personal, private decision not to step foot in that bar again. I have also made the decision not to frequent karaoke bars any longer, based on my own personal preferences (just don’t get the kind of satisfaction I get singing during the Liturgy of the Mass).

My decisions are all based on an attempt to try and live a life of holiness. So, needless to say, I was pretty disappointed in myself for saying “ok” to going, and I regret saying it.

I really don’t want to go, but I’m torn. I know that that my N. Carolina friend would love to hang with me and my friends at karaoke, being that she really hasn’t had an opportunity to sing since moving to the East coast. I did make plans to meet up with her after Mass on Sunday, so not seeing her while she’s here is not a problem.

How do I tell her, and my other friends the reason why I won’t be joining them this Friday? I’ve never expressed to anyone (except my husband) how highly offended and disappointed I was about the incident at the Halloween party, and I’ve even told them quite extensively about my reasons for quitting karaoke in general. They just seem to keep trying to invite me to go out!

I know I need to make a stand on this…I’m just afraid that I’m going to be losing some friendships because of it (it’s already pretty much there anyways). I already feel like I’m being seen as a woman who does not stand by her word.

 

[Eileen_T]

Tell your friend how offended you were by the previous incident. Tell her that, since you have already agreed to go with her, you will. Also let her know that if anything offensive occurs you will be leaving at once (take your own vehicle). And stick to your guns.

If nothing else it may be a wake-up call for her.

 

[Lischou]

Eileen T:

Tell your friend how offended you were by the previous incident. Tell her that, since you have already agreed to go with her, you will. Also let her know that if anything offensive occurs you will be leaving at once (take your own vehicle). And stick to your guns.

Good advice. If this person really cares about you, she will understand and respect your wishes. If not…how good of a friend is she anyway? Even if she doesn’t initially ‘understand’ she may if you follow through on what you say. I’ve found that most people respect others whose actions are consistent with their said beliefs. We must always strive to remember that it’s more important what Christ thinks of us than what others think of us. I know, easy to say, hard to do!

Lisa