Should I have been told not to come back to church?

[ncconfussed]

In short: I was in bad marriage, got a civil divorce, was going for an annulment, and the process had to be stopped. I fell in love with a very close friend, she was married. She admitted her marriage was not good. We fell in love with each other. Adultery. Church I was attending asked me to not come back, afraid of scandal. Went elsewhere seeking forgiveness and communion with the Church again.

I could have lied to the priests when I made confession but did not and have yet to be granted absolution. In honesty, I love this person very much. I know even if I don’t see, or communicate, it is still adultery. I know that anytime this person calls I will fall back into the same pattern, knowing and wanting to be with her always. I am troubled by my heart that I know this will always happen until she leaves her marriage and we will be together.

I miss going to church so much, I miss God. Life is empty. I always try to do the next right thing by people but this is the one thing I cannot change. I have been told that I should not be in church by many priests until I know I can make a good confession and change my heart or she changes her situation so that we can be together. What am I suppose to do in the meantime?

 

[Michelle_Arnold]

Let’s look at this situation from a different perspective:

A man claims he was in a marriage he vaguely characterizes as “bad,” got divorced, sought an annulment, but decided for some reason to halt the annulment process. He then turns to someone he claims is a “very close” friend, but does not respect the fact she is married; instead, he gets her to admit that her own marriage is going through a rough patch and then engages her in adultery. For whatever reason, she will not leave her marriage, and so he is at loose ends, pining for this married woman and blaming priests for not granting him absolution for a sin he admits he is ready and willing to commit again on a moment’s notice should this woman give him a call. Unsurprisingly, he is lonely and depressed, missing God and missing the Church … but apparently unwilling to do anything to break the hold sin has taken in his life.

In your defense, I will say that no priest should have told you not to go to church. Even the most hardened sinner is welcome to attend Mass. He may not be able to receive Communion, or to participate in lay ministries (e.g., EMHC, lector, usher, greeter, etc.), but he can go to Mass and pray for the graces of repentance of sin and atonement for the evils he has committed against God and others. I can only recommend that you begin to do so immediately. Perhaps frequent attendance at Mass (daily, if possible) will enable you to make a good confession and be reconciled with God and the Church. You are in our prayers. God bless.