Should I have to do this?

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You are certainly not too sensitive. In fact you seem to be very tough with what you put up with. I certainly could never do it. You put with so much that seems to me, on the outside, as “over the top” that I hope you are working with your therapist to figure out why you allow it. I remember reading on one of your other posts you saying that you burst into tears over the stress that you are under with your being responsible for everything in your household. You said that this was uncharacteristic for you. Everyone has a breaking point. This might be a sign that you are approaching yours. I hope that you will be able to take the action that you know you need to before you reach that point since your son depends on you for the roof over his head.
 
mega1 said:
We have an issue with plumbing in our lease house. Apparently one of the toilets is clogged. My husband was upset about it this morning (yes happy thanksgiving) so instead of waiting and calling a plumber… He suggested that I scoop it all out in a bucket?!?

Is this something you would request of your wife?
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Do you truly not know whether your husband’s acts are reasonable or not? Do you truly need to ask “us” in order to form a considered position? I don’t wish to offend you, but this post, and the previous, seem to suggest that you struggle with decision-making. Are you forming a dependency on this forum? Or are you just dreadfully lonely?

Did you deal with the dog from the other post?
 
Origen52 said:
Mega 1, I don’t want to be unsympathetic, but it seems as if you complain about your husband’s behaviour on a regular basis. You might explore with your therapist whether you’re becoming addicted to the sympathy you get when your husband acts inappropriately. I don’t usually agree with Dr. Phil, but he does have a few good insights. One of them is that others will treat you as you allow them to treat you.
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It doesn’t seem like posting on this forum is really helping you out. I do think you need a better solution than just venting here–as it is, you come back every day exasperated by your husband’s latest action, and full of resentment.
 
Let me just ask this…

Do you think I am being emotionally abused? Divorce is not what I want but if emotional abuse is present… It is accepted, yes? My mother keeps telling me that he is my cross to bear and God would want me to forgive and forget.

As for the dog… We got the dog neutered and behavior training. However ironically it was just today that he bit my son and wouldn’t let my husband pick him up.

So I told him today the dog must go. He didn’t say anything… So I should be in for a mess with this too.
 
No, dear, emotional abuse is abuse. It is not to be accepted. Is this how you want your son to treat his wife? You are training your son by what he witnesses.
But only you can decide whether you are being emotionally abused or not.
Does he call you names? Does he belittle or shame you? Those things are usually considered abuse.
If he asks you to do something unreasonable, laugh at him and tell him to do it himself.
 
I don’t think we on the forum can tell you what is emotional abuse or not, but from your posts, your marriage needs a lot more than just “forgive and forget”–which isn’t going to happen, anyway. Please talk to your husband and decide what the next step needs to be, in as nonaccusatory manner as possible. If he won’t discuss it, then you have to figure out what you need to do for your son’s best interest. I am being deliberately vague here, because I don’t want to give you advice to stay or to go–I am just a stranger on the internet!
 
I don’t know your previous post so I have some questions.

First, as one poster already said, the last person who used it has to bale it sounds like a good rule if that will solve the plumbing problem or save some embarrassment in hiring a plumber.

Plumbers are expensive. Are there money problems? Is that why hubby doesn’t want to deal with this?

Do you just want him to be the man and do the dirty work? I get this but it probably won’t work.

If you can, just go with the you were the last person to use the toilet, you deal with it rule.
Unless someone is sick or too young, this is what we do.
 
Husband helped fixed the plumbing. I know that he likes to be dramatic. Blowing things out of proportion.

Someone recently asked about the situation with our dog. Maltese dog who was biting our son and snapping at people.

So I got him neutered and behavioral training and today he lunged at our son’s face again. So I said no more. Dog has to go.

My son is heart broken but I promised him we’d get another dog … In time.

I was looking at pics online with my son of dogs., trying to get his mind off of it. My husband got upset and told us that we should not be disrespectful to our current dog and not to talk about other dogs in his presence.

Just when I think he’s acting like a normal person… He throws that out. Really? Can’t offend our current dog?
 
mega1 said:
I actually grew up on a farm… And ended up fixing this plumbing issue all on my own.

But I thought his passive aggressive behavior was over the top and I wondered if I was just too sensitive.
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You are not being too sensitive. You husband is literally treating you like **** I am not joking.
 
mega1 said:
Husband helped fixed the plumbing. I know that he likes to be dramatic. Blowing things out of proportion.

Someone recently asked about the situation with our dog. Maltese dog who was biting our son and snapping at people.

So I got him neutered and behavioral training and today he lunged at our son’s face again. So I said no more. Dog has to go.

My son is heart broken but I promised him we’d get another dog … In time.

I was looking at pics online with my son of dogs., trying to get his mind off of it. My husband got upset and told us that we should not be disrespectful to our current dog and not to talk about other dogs in his presence.

Just when I think he’s acting like a normal person… He throws that out. Really? Can’t offend our current dog?
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And this is unequivocal–you must protect your son. Dog out NOW.
 
Yes. I am taking him to the shelter this am. And I promised our son that we would look for another dog. Golden or Lab … Good with kids.

My husband agrees the dog is on thin ice. But of course it’s me who has to deal with it.

But I will get something else for our son. He’s heart broken.
 
Not all Goldens or Labs are good with kids. My son has the facial scars to prove it. Either go with a rescue that has been temperament tested at the shelter or with a reputable breeder who both health tests for common disease like hip dysplasia, cardio, eyes, etc. AND who has their breeding stock temperament evaluated by a 3rd party professional. All health and temperament testing comes with certificates saying the testing was performed and giving a score or a pass/fail, so ask to see it before making a purchase. Most breeders are more than willing to show you the paperwork and brag about their dogs.
 
mega1 said:
Yes. I am taking him to the shelter this am. And I promised our son that we would look for another dog. **Golden or Lab **… Good with kids.

My husband agrees the dog is on thin ice. But of course it’s me who has to deal with it.

But I will get something else for our son. He’s heart broken.
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Goldens and labs also needs lots of exercise and want to play alot. May not be the best choice if you are moving into the condo and you can’t let it out in a yard.

I’d wait until after you have moved and are settled. Then go to the shelter and talk about why you had to give up current dog and what your living situation and time commitments are. They should be able to help you pick a more appropriate pet.

Consider something other than a dog also, cats are easy to care for and can be fun. Small mammals like a guinea pig can still be picked up and cuddle and can be hilarious to watch as they jump and run around. Also very easy to care for.
 
Mrs. Sally said:

“cats are easy to care for and can be fun.”

Yes! With your difficult living situation, a pet that doesn’t really need a huge emotional and logistical investment is a good idea. You’re probably not going to have a huge emotional connection to a cat (I know there are some exceptions), but they’re going to be OK without the sort of investment that a dog needs.

Maybe watch a few funny cat videos with your son?
 
Origen52 said:
Mega 1, I don’t want to be unsympathetic, but it seems as if you complain about your husband’s behaviour on a regular basis. You might explore with your therapist whether you’re becoming addicted to the sympathy you get when your husband acts inappropriately. I don’t usually agree with Dr. Phil, but he does have a few good insights. One of them is that others will treat you as you allow them to treat you.
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👍

I have to agree.

Mega, you know what your husband does is out of bounds. You don’t need us to tell you.

But even after we tell you, you continue down the same path. Why? 🤷
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mega1:
I actually grew up on a farm… **And ended up fixing this plumbing issue all on my own.
**
But I thought his passive aggressive behavior was over the top and I wondered if I was just too sensitive.
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mega1 said:
Husband helped fixed the plumbing. I know that he likes to be dramatic. Blowing things out of proportion.

Someone recently asked about the situation with our dog. Maltese dog who was biting our son and snapping at people.

So I got him neutered and behavioral training and today he lunged at our son’s face again. So I said no more. Dog has to go.

My son is heart broken but I promised him we’d get another dog … In time.

I was looking at pics online with my son of dogs., trying to get his mind off of it. My husband got upset and told us that we should not be disrespectful to our current dog and not to talk about other dogs in his presence.

Just when I think he’s acting like a normal person… He throws that out. Really? Can’t offend our current dog?
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If the dog were a human who could understand English, which he is not, I would not apologize for insensitivity to the guy who has bitten me in the face twice. The parallel is a bit hard to miss. I don’t find it hard at all to believe that the one your husband is most concerned about is the dog, rather than being the one who sees that the dog’s failure to amend has sealed the dog’s fate.
 
EasterJoy said:

“I don’t find it hard at all to believe that the one your husband is most concerned about is the dog, rather than being the one who sees that the dog’s failure to amend has sealed the dog’s fate.”

…or that his failure to properly train the dog has sealed the dog’s fate.

I’m having a really hard time imagining that the OP’s husband is a consistent and totally with-it dog trainer and owner.
 
Xantippe said:
Mrs. Sally said:

“cats are easy to care for and can be fun.”

Yes! With your difficult living situation, a pet that doesn’t really need a huge emotional and logistical investment is a good idea. You’re probably not going to have a huge emotional connection to a cat (I know there are some exceptions), but they’re going to be OK without the sort of investment that a dog needs.

Maybe watch a few funny cat videos with your son?
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Cat lover here. Cats are very affectionate animals and it is possible to develop very strong bonds with them. You just have to invest the time with them, like you do dog. They are willing to spend hours on your lap, play games with you or for you, and are very sensitive to your moods. Don’t dismiss the idea, and if you are unsure look up some basic facts on raising domestic cats. You might be surprised at what they can do and how fun they are.
 
Confused…in one post op fixed toilet n her own…in another hubby helped. Which is it and why oh why if you’re in counseling are you asking here if it’s emotional abuse?

Please consider retrouvaille as a way to learn communication with spouse…dragging third party opinions in won’t help the two of work together …unless you agree on the third party intervention.

Praying for you, hubby and son
 
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