Should I just accept that i'm not meant for marriage?

[nocoastlayman]

So I just got out of a relationship that lasted about 5 months and as of now, i’m worried that i’m just not meant for marriage. I don’t mean this in a depressing sense because I know i’m a decent guy in spite of my struggles with mild anxiety ( probably brought on more by the fact that I suck at coping with stress) and a few other things, but I just wonder if maybe i’m just not meant to be married.

Being a man in his mid 20’s, I just finished my first job but was laid off and now i’m back home with my mother. While this isn’t bad, I don’t want to be stuck here for the rest of my life but i’m worried I will. I know this isn’t true but I feel like i’m just not able to be a success in life.

I also worry that I won’t be able to have a job to support a family, but my biggest issue is mu emotional health. Looking back at myself i’ve always had anxiety. Some of it has been social (though I think it was just normal awkward teenager stuff) but its mostly been worrying about things like whether i’m normal or whether i’m good enough to be married. I wonder now though if my anxiety will prevent me from ever being married or living a decent life.

I worry too because I feel like that all i’ll ever get out of my life is just being some nice churchy guy who can’t seem to get ahead. Sure i’m fairly faithful and am nice but I worry i just don’t have that something to put it all together. Anymore I wonder if God is calling me to just sit and watch and pray while others get married or go on to seminary. Its almost like i’m in an airport watching everyone leave while i’m just stuck being the Janitor or something.

I know that me wanting marriage doesn’t mean that i’m called but then why doesn’t God just allow me not to have that desire? I almost wish he could just tell me in a nice clear voice “Nocoast, i’m sorry but you aren’t meant for marriage” or “Nocoast don’t worry, it’ll happen. I can’t tell you when but it’ll happen.”

Thanks and God bless

 

[MadetoLove]

Let me tell you something dear brother in Christ…

No one is normal.

Each and every person has their own path. Comparing our lives to others will only increase our fears and insecurities. I would know, I have done it much too often.

For those who want marriage, some get married in their 20s; some in their 30s, 40s, and beyond. And yes, in all honesty, some never get married for whatever reason.

Your desire for marriage is quite natural and God hears your prayers, even the ones you don’t say. He wants to bless you. He may just have a different time frame in mind that you do.

I suffer from anxiety myself but God has been healing me from it over the past several years. I have at times felt like a loser, being a single mom with a measly associate’s degree, living at home with my parents. But I have also been suffering from cancer for the past few years. At the age of 25 I think I’m finally going to get my big break (no more cancer ) and finally get a BS degree. Most of my high school peers are “ahead” of me in terms of careers, but I don’t care about that anymore. I am who I am. God loves me and had my life go this way on purpose. God. is. in. control.

When I was a little girl I was obsessed with getting married. I didn’t understand at the time what it meant to be married but I wanted it. I think the evil one played on my anxiety and convinced me at different times that I was never going to get married. With much perseverance in faith and prayer, God has assured me that marriage is in His plan for me. Pray, pray and pray some more for God to assure you whether or not marriage is for you.

And pray also for God to help you with finding a good job and to help heal from your anxiety. Don’t be afraid to get some counseling too if you feel like your anxiety is really troubling you. You are not alone! God bless

 

[Gertabelle]

:console:

Hang in there, layman. You’re just coming off a breakup and a layoff – this is, perhaps, not the time to making sweeping judgments about your worth in the world

I have two devout Catholic friends who just got married at the ages of 21 and 22. I also have devout Catholic friends in their 30s who are still single and waiting. Relationships happen when they happen.

Setbacks will happen throughout life. They will allow you to grow stronger in faith, in humility, in wisdom, in whatever graces God chooses to grant. (Or you can allow yourself to sink into despair and bitterness… You don’t sound like that’s the direction you intend to take, thanks be to God!) This time of moving back in with your mom will be a time of growth for her as well.

Take it easy on yourself for awhile. Learn from the past, and look to the future. You are a beloved Child of God.

God bless you!

Gertie

 

[wmw]

I think even for a person in good circumstances and not in danger of angst or depression that it is a bit too presumptuous of us to think we can know our whole calling just in any given moment.

Of course, there are moments of commitment, like taking holy orders, or getting married, but it is too much to ask of ourselves to know everything that God has planned of us. I don’t think He puts all the cards on the table as we might want of Him.

Most times are times of searching for the right door to open and asking God is this the right door and at this time? This is how we need to learn to trust in God’s plan for our lives. We need to be awake to what callings come and prepare for what maybe in store later, but don’t expect a fancy yellow brick road to stretch before us.

You seem to have plenty to work on for today, let tomorrow be for tomorrow.

 

[TK421]

On the contrary, you’re probably experiencing more sanctification & growth now than perhaps any other time in your life.

“To a brave man, good and bad luck are like his right and left hand: he uses both.”
-St Catherine of Sienna

The forces of hell are at your gates, tempting you to give in to despair. Just take one day at a time in getting back your game face. You’ve hit a rut of unhappy events but you’ve got God in your corner, so don’t be afraid. Assess your career options and act accordingly. Find whatever menial victories you can and write it in a journal: exercise, participate at your parish, read X good books, etc. The world is not without need of men to work somewhere. Be patient. Pray to Mary and present all of your fears and weaknesses to her; she’ll make it better. It’s her job, and she loves her job.

You could have got laid off now, or laid off 15 years from now when you’re married with children, overly inflexible and set in your ways, and still a greenhorn in this area. Instead you’re already a veteran in your mid 20s and will be better prepared if it happens again. You’ve also spent 5 months gaining a greater sense of understanding, consideration, and communication with a prospective spouse. Congratz

 

[Linusthe2nd]

So I just got out of a relationship that lasted about 5 months and as of now, i’m worried that i’m just not meant for marriage. I don’t mean this in a depressing sense because I know i’m a decent guy in spite of my struggles with mild anxiety ( probably brought on more by the fact that I suck at coping with stress) and a few other things, but I just wonder if maybe i’m just not meant to be married…[snip]…

Don’t worry pal, I’m 76, been single all my life, and very content with my life. Yes, until I was about 30 I went through some anxious times. I had lady friends but it never seemed to click, probably my fault in one way or another. Also, I’m just an average guy with not much earning potential. I’ve managed to survive and be happy, so can you.

Linus2nd

 

[Bonnie]

… i’m worried that i’m just not meant for marriage.

You are allowed to say that only when you’re on your deathbed.

You have no idea what God’s plans are for you - that goes for all of us. And that’s just the way life is!

 

[dmftx]

Dearest mid-20’s,

Life isn’t a race nor is it a terribly good idea to compare oneself with others or what appears to be the norm. God has a plan for YOU and patience is a virtue. I know that anxiety can be debilitating. Now that you are not in a relationship - how about focusing your health through prayer, possibly therapy, and medical treatment. Secondly, as suggested, really think about what career you are interested in and can be successful at. You have ample opportunity to give various occupations a try. You have the gift of TIME, dear mid-20’s, I promise. Remember GOD through this, be open to HIM, pray-pray-pray, and don’t give up.

BTW, it is a little early to assume that marriage may not be in your future. I know you are hurting and I really am not trying to minimize any of your concerns but been there/done that has a way of changing one’s perspective and I am certain God has great things planned for you!

Stay in touch!

 

[pianistclare]

You are allowed to say that only when you’re on your deathbed.

You have no idea what God’s plans are for you - that goes for all of us. And that’s just the way life is!

yup. WAY too soon to be panicking.

Enjoy life. She’ll walk into your life when you least expect it.
Perhaps your relationship didn’t work out because your expectations were too high too soon. Something to think about.

 

[Sue_D_Num]

My sister is in her mid-twenties and has the same thoughts. I think it is pretty common to feel this way.

 

[Rosebud77]

Don’t worry pal, I’m 76, been single all my life, and very content with my life. Yes, until I was about 30 I went through some anxious times. I had lady friends but it never seemed to click, probably my fault in one way or another. Also, I’m just an average guy with not much earning potential. I’ve managed to survive and be happy, so can you.

Linus2nd

Perfect! I am near your age and a life long celibate…marriage and sex are not mandatory…I also can give far more to others by not being married

 

[Andre1000]

It is very tempting to be negative, but try to not be negative. Don’t become like me, I turned more and more negative over the last 3 years. I am so negative now that not even a wife would make me happy anymore. I also don’t care much about heaven anymore, I just don’t want to go to hell. I don’t have any crushes or desires much, I just want to stay in bed all day. The only thing that gives me strength sometimes is the hope that when I improve myself a lot, that I might become a priest someday, but this is actually impossible because I am way too stupid for this job.