Should I listen to my sister or not?

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Rozellelily

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And also how can a person not care if someone judges them based off their looks?

Some background information:
I had a Thyroid condition and Thyroid conditions can affect different areas in the body too and this condition made that my eyelids swell/changed shape/look and due to this,I wear pretty heavy eye makeup (mascara) and don’t feel confident or attractive to go out without it.
I’m aware the look may be a bit '“drag queen” but I feel like I’m stuck between that option and the even worser option of limiting going out because I feel unattractive/not confident.

Long story short,the other day my sister (we’re adults) said my makeup was too heavy and that if someone (a receptionist,counter staff etc) stares at me that I should know that’s the reason why.
I got upset/emotional back,mentioned that she was insensitive,didn’t understand the struggle I had regarding self esteem etc & that she was thoughtless as it’s due to medical condition & not because I genuinely have a love of much makeup &could just choose wear less.
She said “people in life make attempts to look average,and if you don’t look average then they will notice and then dont tell me about it if someone stares and you get upset”
I thought that was a bit harsh but I think she had her periods at the time.

I think in her own way my sister is trying to help me to avoid being judged by people & then getting upset and hurt,but at the same time I feel that should we change our appearances based on other people’s opinions and perceptions?

When I’m out I don’t judge people if they are “obese” or “thin” or balding or hairstyle,disability,their dress sense etc.
I know it’s not realistic to wish everyone in the world will do the same as unfortunately some people will judge but how do you not feel hurt if someone judges?
Should you change your appearance based on their judgement?

Where is the line between following social norms vs being true to yourself?

Also,as an aside,I’ve never noticed men having any issue with my makeup.If I am feeling judged it usually tends to be a woman doing it.
I don’t know if that’s because women are more observational or if it’s because they are more critical of other women?

Why do people have to have opinions on each other’s looks anyway?

Thanks
 
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May I make a suggestion? Lots of stores have makeup counters that do makeovers or show you how to do your makeup. Someone that knows what they are doing might be able yo instruct you on how to apply makeup differently than you do in a way that will downplay any problems you are having with your eyes. Makeup artists are skilled at “fixing” people’s flaws. Couldn’t hurt to ask.
 
Thanks @Irishmom2
There would be no harm in me asking them I guess even if they they couldn’t help.
I’ve always been a bit intimidated by those makeup counters as I’ve always considered them for young 20 year olds who didn’t “need” makeup in the first place.
 
Look for someone friendly, or charm them with the admission that “they know more than you and you really need their expertise!” 😉
 
Rozellelily said:
how can a person not care if someone judges them based off their looks?
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It can be hurtful, of course, and I don’t think we can fail to be impacted by it, but it is only our flesh that desires to be approved and esteemed by our “looks”.
Rozellelily said:
don’t feel confident or attractive to go out without it.
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This is a natural human function. We can fight it with the litany of humility.
Rozellelily said:
I feel like I’m stuck between that option and the even worser option of limiting going out because I feel unattractive/not confident.
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This is a prudential judgment that only you can make. Alternatively you could accept your condition as a deformity, and join it with the sufferings of Christ. Jesus was so beat up that He did not look human either.
Rozellelily said:
stares at me t
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You are in good company, as they looked at Jesus the same way.

h.Isaiah:52:14
:“As many were astonished at thee; his visage (assuming His face) was so marred more than any man, and His form more than the sons of men:”
 
If you have a thyroid condition that affects how you look (or anyone else out there that feel they aren’t pretty or handsome) Think of this as your super power. You have first hand experience of what kind of people you are dealing with! You get to see the wheat and the chaff as far as what people are made of. This is a benefit to you!

I am a plain Jane. There were many people who showed kindness to me, then there were others that would not give me the time of day. Good information for going forward. This is their test and some fail!

Reminds me of a course where a car is broken and the students have to figure out how to fix it. Let’s see what you’re made of and what your score is at the end of the test. Got a A? Maybe not. Turn your disadvantage into an advantage.
 
@PennyinCanada,

When in my twenties I used to really dress down, unless I was going out. One night I went to my Al-Anon meeting dressed up for a date and this woman who always chatted with me, introduced herself to me and started to treat me like a new member. I had to tell her, “hey, this is C…!” And she went “oh my goodness, didn’t recognize you!”

Another time I went shopping all dressed up, I didn’t usually do that, and a place I frequented treated me with a fuss. They usually ignored me or at best used a laconic “hello.”

It was nice to be treated so, but dismaying that people judge so much on looks.

I’m not against looking presentable and attractive, but it bothers me a lot how people judge based on one’s outsides.

@Rozellelily, is your sister older or younger? I have 2 older sisters and sometimes they go into this parental mode because they’re older. I wonder if something like that is happening, or not.

God be with you.

My two cents…
 
My sister is 5 years older,in Finance, and I would generally describe her as being more “conservative” that me.
For example,I might wear a top that has the very tip of my cleavage showing (not intentionally) and she will say “is there another top you can wear?”

Both of us dislike the mentality you mentioned of people showing preference/being impressed by someone because they are wearing expensive clothes or hair etc so I feel she’s giving mixed messages.
 
If you’re intimidated, they have makeup tutorial videos on you tube.
 
As an aside regarding makeup in general,some Christians seem to believe that wearing a lot of makeup is immodest but shouldn’t it be more about the “heart” of the person (their motives etc)?
For example,I know even some Muslim women in Hijab who wear heavy makeup or do YouTube videos on heavy handed Arabic makeup looks.
When I was younger I was never a girl that was hugely into makeup,and I definitely don’t share that “kardashian” type mentality that more emphasis should be placed on outer beauty that inner beauty,but at the same time some women love cosmetics to express their creativity/art or for feminine fun.
I also think God lets some of us “have” makeup and even plastic surgery etc in His mercy

I recently watched this American guy on YouTube talk about modesty etc.
He wasn’t a Catholic but some other Christian.
He was African American,this is significance because he said that God wanted him to pass the message onto black Christian women to no longer wear weaves in their hair.
He also had photos of women before and after heavy makeup & said this is deceptive to men like men will get a “bait and switch” saying they think they are getting the pretty one on the left, but after marriage end up with the “unattractive” one on the right (them without makeup).
He said if the man had of originally truly known what she look like naturally he would never had approached her (in club or on streets etc).
In his stated view,these women are deceiving and had the spirit of Jezebel.

To me though,I am not feminist,but don’t agree with this logic because are we women put on the earth just to please men?
Isn’t it a poor character of a man to think this way so shallow/superficially?
And the irony is it is mentalities like this men that make women (more so the less attractive women) even more focused-some even obsessed-about their looks because they learn the message they will not get a man by being “natural”.
So they are stuck between a saying “rock and hard place” -be natural and not get a man or 'deceive" (in this mans eyes) and “get” one.

Men like natural beauty but ironically providing that the woman is already naturally beautiful.

Makeup is often thought by some as being a “disguise” but for some people it brings back themselves.
What people like this man and others who believe in the “natural only” route seem to neglect/not understand is that sometimes people’s looks deviate away from the beauty that God has given them -whether due to illnesses or due to very hard lives- and makeup or even plastic surgery may bring back their face (even if only temporarily) the way God originally created them.
Or a woman may wear a weave or wig because her own hair has become very thin or not growing from illness (not necessarily cancer).

That said,Some women are blessed to look beautiful without makeup.
I personally think that Kim Kardashian looks more beautiful without makeup so if a woman falls in this catagory,I’m happy for her.

If obvious makeup is immodest,then surely high heels would have to be too because someone might misinterpret heels to be provocative?
 
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Listen to your sister. She’s trying to help you and has probably been told by those who are staring at you that it’s the reason.

You don’t have to overdo the eye makeup. That brings unwanted attention. Have the experts at your local makeup counter at the mall show you how to minimize the flaws you see in your appearance. And then do that on your own.
 
@lilypadrees

Where do you draw the line though to not change yourself to please other people?
 
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Are you changing or compromising your morals, your standards, your values to please others?

Or are you simply changing the way you apply your eye makeup so that it enhances your inner beauty and helps you look better and feel better about yourself?

@Rozellelily, you are spending so much time seeing your physical flaws caused by your thyroid condition that you aren’t focusing on the gifts God gave you.

Changing your eye makeup techniques to something more natural will help your self esteem. You will feel prettier and more self confident. The only way people will notice your eyelids swelling and changing shape, etc is if you bring attention to it. Heavy makeup always brings attention to that which we attempt to draw it away from because it’s so obvious. A more natural look takes the focus away from it.

What gifts has God blessed you with? Cultivate those so that they are what people see when they look at you.

Change your attitude about your medical condition from one of negativity to one of positivity. If someone does bring up your eyes drooping or whatever, use it as a teaching moment and do so with compassion.

By doing this, you will be educating and showing the love of Christ.
 
I like makeup, it makes me feel more put together, prettier, etc. I very much understand having a visible physical deformity/disfigurement that can be disguised with cosmetics.

We are never too old to learn newer techniques. Over the past year (I am in my mid-50s) learning how to do my cosmetics in an updated manner has taken years off my appearance. I have very hooded eyes and have learned how to really flatter my eyes and make them seem more OPEN.

Your sister sounds as if she is just being “bossy”. Let it go in one ear and out the other. Forgive her, love her.

If you want to talk makeup, feel free to PM me!
 
What about with clothing-providing it’s reasonable modest,do you personally dress in what you like or do you follow fashion trends to go along with social norms?

For example,if something was out of fashion would you still wear it if you liked it?

Do you believe clothing should be age appropriate or do you believe in a more " free spirited" approach?
 
No one would ever accuse me of being trendy. I wear what looks well on me because it works for my height, weight and age. I have had people compliment me on something as simple as a button down shirt and cardigan because I chose colors that work for me. I don’t believe in clothes “being out of fashion,” if they honestly look good on someone, they should feel free to wear it. I do not mean wearing a ball gown to the grocery store. But a 50s ballgown to a formal event is fine if you can pull it off.
 
Are you receiving medical treatment for your thyroid condition? Is it helping?

I know several people who had the same symptoms as you with their eyes, and once they were diagnosed and treated, their eyes were much less swollen.

Hopefully this is what will happen with you.

I agree with those who say to get some expert makeup tips, but I would suggest that rather than going to a mall makeup counter (I agree with you that many of these people have a “youth” mindset and are there to sell you something, so they will not necessarily know how to help you), that you contact a national advocacy organization that helps those with thyroid disorders. Your doctor can give you information regarding the appropriate organization, or you can search online.

The advocacy organization will have people who are experienced in questions like the one you are asking here regarding makeup for swollen eyes, and you will find them helpful and sensitive to your situation. And their services will be FREE, and they will not try to sell you a lot of expensive makeup and products that you don’t want or need. Finally, they will be a great source of information regarding the latest and most effective courses of care for thyroid disorders.

Best wishes to you. You are beautiful just the way you are, but there is nothing wrong with wanting to be more comfortable with your appearance.
 
Have you tried going softer on the mascara, using a darker matte neutral eyeshadow shade that will help give the appearance of smaller eyes, and using a brighter lip color to balance out the look? I
 
Adding, sometimes a better quality mascara makes the difference.

I’ve read that the best drugstore brand for mascara is the original maybeline one, in the pink and green tube. It might be counter intuitive to get that since it is inexpensive.
 
Right now, most “beauty bloggers” agree that Lash Paradise or ELF waterproof are the best drugstore mascaras.

Honestly, I can never find anything that works as well as MAC Falsies. I wear Lash Paradise because it is what I can afford.
 
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