Should I marry my son's mother?

[JillianRose]

Totally right-on. ** I think people who make babies out of wedlock should get married unless there is a very serious reason why the relationship could not be made to work. **If there is a true determination to provide a stable, loving two-parent home, I see no reason why lack of passion or warm fuzzies should impede a marriage. Many people have cultivated a marriage on less. However, it does seem unlikely that you are both free to marry at this time. Straighten it out and do what is right for your child, whether that includes a marriage, or just your 100% devotion to and support of your son and his mother.

Yes and in a perfect world it would work. Guess what? It doesn’t. I am a child of a parents who got married because I was conceived out of wed lock. After the initial "playing house " phase was over, my mother became resentful and became an abusive alcoholic and my father was a man whore. Getting married because you got someone pregnant is not a good enough reason to marry them. Two parents can be loving parents and just not right together. I am sorry but being a child of the “mother that got knocked up”, I can tell you sometimes parents are better parents when they are not around each other.

Jill

 

[JillianRose]

Good point. I don’t understand the "Practicing Catholic " part at all.

Well I guess we should change the term to PERFECTED CATHOLIC since it seems that we are not allowed to be sinners?

“Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground." John 8:7

 

[JackieMom]

Yes and in a perfect world it would work. Guess what? It doesn’t. I am a child of a parents who got married because I was conceived out of wed lock. After the initial "playing house " phase was over, my mother became resentful and became an abusive alcoholic and my father was a man whore. Getting married because you got someone pregnant is not a good enough reason to marry them. Two parents can be loving parents and just not right together. I am sorry but being a child of the “mother that got knocked up”, I can tell you sometimes parents are better parents when they are not around each other.

Jill

It sounds like your mom and dad, sadly, suffered from a lot of personal and psychological problems. But what if your mom had simply chosen not to abuse people, and had chosen to stop drinking? What if your dad had chosen a chaste married life and denied his urges? No one “made” them behave that way. Two adults who are mature, reaponsible, and understand the gravity of their choices and their deep reponsibility to their child can absolutely make a marriage work without passionate love. It might not be all hearts and rainbows, but love is a choice and can grow over time. My sister married because she was pregnant, many years and many more children later, their marriage is very strong. BUT - both had such a deep determination to do the right thing, that they simply made themselves behave toward each other as loving spouses, even when things were really rough. Both knew they “had” to make it and both gave their whole selves in order to see that happen. It can work if both partners are committed and do not employ immature and harmful tactics when things get hard. The marriage can’t be for anyone else, or because they are ashamed - they have to be all in for their own souls and the good of their child.

 

[wahwah]

Good response-the most mature marriages I see are the ones where there is a huge emphasis on sacrifice, service and concern for the ultimate welfare of the partner’s soul.
I just went through an arduous three day work assignment -the whole thing was a struggle. I even swore I would never do that particular task again. But at the end of it, I feel tremendous peace, gratitude, and a strong sense that the sacrifice was worth it and I would do it again. That might be an applicable analogy.