Should I mind my own business? Help me help a friend!

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Little_Mary

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I have a friend who grew up Catholic, going to CAtholic schools and all that comes with it. She married a Catholic. They have two children. At some point in her life, she decided that she does not understand why there has to be any formal religion whatsoever. Especially Catholicism and all of its “rules and laws” (her words). She firmly feels that if she just tries to live a good honest life that that’s all God really wants her to do and she’ll be OK. She believes in God and Christianity, and she says that she prays and considers herself to be a spiritual person. They have never taken their children to church and she feels that the fact that they attended a church-run pre-school is sufficient. Her husband shares her philosophy/beliefs.

What can I say to someone like this? How do I approach the subject without turning her off? How do I show her that Jesus wants much more than that from us? Am I obligated to at least try - or should I leave it alone and just pray for her and her family?

I welcome any comments on this problem. Thanks.
 
Little Mary:
I have a friend who grew up Catholic, going to CAtholic schools and all that comes with it. She married a Catholic. They have two children. At some point in her life, she decided that she does not understand why there has to be any formal religion whatsoever. Especially Catholicism and all of its “rules and laws” (her words). She firmly feels that if she just tries to live a good honest life that that’s all God really wants her to do and she’ll be OK. She believes in God and Christianity, and she says that she prays and considers herself to be a spiritual person. They have never taken their children to church and she feels that the fact that they attended a church-run pre-school is sufficient. Her husband shares her philosophy/beliefs.

What can I say to someone like this? How do I approach the subject without turning her off? How do I show her that Jesus wants much more than that from us? Am I obligated to at least try - or should I leave it alone and just pray for her and her family?

I welcome any comments on this problem. Thanks.
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live a good honest life… you mean follow the 10 commandments? :eek: you mean rules like that? well i say different strokes for different ghost… i really feel that depending upon the relationship you have with your friend will determine just how far you can go… i think the best statement you can make however is for her to see that you practice what you preach… 👍
Pray for her and her family, and keep communications open… 👍
 
Speaking as a Catholic that attend Catholic elemantary school and high school and who just graduated from college…most of my peers are just like that. They think trying to live a good life is all they need/should do. The problem of course being how does one define good…

First off I would certainly say you should talk to her to some extent. If this seems to be of no avail you probably should intelligently and prayerfully decide where to draw the line. You should definitely not do nothing about this situation but you definitely shouldn’t push her so far that she is completely turned off. Where that line is I think only you in the situation can really determine.

As to what you should say…that all depends…
  1. You probably want to determine whether or not she considers herself sinful
    2.a. If she considers herself sinful then you need to determine whether or not she realizes that graces are actually given to us through Confession and the Eucharist. If she realizes these two things then obviously she would care about the “religion” aspect of Catholicism.
    2.b. If she rejects that she is sinful then this is another matter. You should then determine whether or not she believes the Bible is true or whether or not what the church teaches is true.
    2.b.i. If she accepts the authority of the bible/church, find some tactful way of telling her that it means that we all are sinful and desperately must cling to God and his church on Earth.
    2.b.ii. If she rejects the authority of the Bible/church then that is another conversation that will take quite some time and probably involves a whole new thread to discuss.
At any point if she seems to be tuning you out or is just getting angry with what you are saying, drop the subject. If it seems like she would be more willing to talk about it later, do so. If it seems that she is now ready to write you off, rejoice and be glad for hopefully you were never rude and you have done what you needed to do out of love for her and her family and for God.
 
Our first concern is our own salvation; our second concern is the salvation of others. Your friend’s salvation is your business. (if we truly love others as we love ourselves)

Your real question is what can I do for my friend? So it is a choice of what actions you should take, not whether to take any action at all.

You know your friend a lot better than any of us. You know what “makes her tick”. Some people respond over time to gentle persuasion. Some people respond well when you get “in their face”. This is a matter of technique.

Our goal of course is to help bring our friends to holiness and a loving relationship with God the Father.

We want salvation for our friends.

Keeping that in mind, are we ready to make the hard decisions and do the hard things that we may be called to do? Some of things may not be the best for us. We may lose a friend; we may appear to be insensitive, hypocritical, or “holier than thou”. We open ourselves up for judgment from that friend and others. If we appear to do nothing we can be labeled as being “soft”.

What I am saying to you is pray about it and then carefully discern what God wants you to do. If God tells you to use the silk gloves on your friend, do so. If God tells you to whack her with a theological 2-by-4 by all means swing away. If God tells you to continue to quietly live the catholic life as an example to her then obey. Remember God is in control. The fruits of our obedience may not be evident immediately. Don’t expect hugs, kisses and thank yous. We don’t do these things for ourselves but for the glory of God.

Bill
 
I used to have the same attitude. The truth is that the whole philosophy is birthed from laziness. Once I stopped being lazy I went back to church and I realized my own fault and that I was wrong.

Josh
 
I recommend a book by Patrick Madrid called *Search and Rescue. * In it, Mr. Madrid gives advice for encouraging our loved ones to return to the the fullness of Truth found in the Catholic Church. Probably the most critical of his suggestions is to spend more time in prayer on the subject than in discussion. (This recommendation is useful on a lot of different topics.)
 
Thanks to all for the great suggestions so far!

Space Ghost - I don’t think her idea of living a good life includes the ten commandments, she doesn’t exclude them, it’s just that her thinking is well, for lack of a better word, secular maybe?

I don’t know whether she considers herself as sinful - that’s a good question.

She has commented positively on my habits as far as going to Mass every Sunday and making sure the kids are educated. “At least you take your kids to church - I guess I should do that but I don’t see why I really need to, etc.”

I have tried to talk to her a little bit about it and the brick wall immediately goes up. I’m sure I need to pray about it more than talk to her about it but I wish I could slip in a quickie when the wall is not up - something that would make her stop and think - if only briefly.

Maybe Patrick Madrid’s book. I’ll look into that.

Thanks again!🙂
 
AS far as all those rules go, I pose this question.

Have you ever been to a park? Now then, children can play in many ways. Unrestricted, in organized games, or on playground equipment that further restricts their movement. Watch them long enough, and you see that most prefere the equipment or organized games. Why? WOuld it not be more fun just to run around and do whatever? Perhaps we have a need to have structure in our lives. Perhaps we need to have a means to interact with others in a way that all parties can enjoy. God would know this. He would know that we need rules and guidence. He would know that humans need structure in thier faith just as well as they enjoy it in play. In the Chruch, we have everything we need other than our participation. We have support of others. We have it all. If little kids see that having structure is better, why can’t we?
 
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