Should I or shouldn't I tell them?

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Hi so in some other posts many people have been so nice to me regarding my struggle with SSA. So I was wondering, should I or shouldn’t I tell my Catholic youth group about this struggle? If so how should I tell them? I hate lying to them…
 
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Joe1 said:
Hi so in some other posts many people have been so nice to me regarding my struggle with SSA. So I was wondering, should I or shouldn’t I tell my Catholic youth group about this struggle? If so how should I tell them?
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I’m not a fan of “revealing” sexuality. In many cases, it’s simply ancillary information that will be used for idle gossip. If you feel that there are those you can turn to for the support you desire, then go for it.

With those people, ask first if they are willing to listen as you work through a struggle. Give them time to absorb and think.

Revealing your sexuality should be a person-to-person conversation…just like you wouldn’t want EVERYONE knowing your crush…just a close friends…you don’t need everyone knowing your sexuality.
 
I think that information would not be relevant to your role or mission. But at the same time, do not lie to them either. Mental reservation is acceptable but not lying.

Edit: I made the assumption that you were the leader for some reason. Sorry.

I agree with what Xanthippe said. Some of your peers would likely be supportive but not all. It could come back to bite you.
 
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From your previous posts on SSA, I feel that protecting yourself is important for your emotional and spiritual well being.

I am not sure if you are a youth participating in a youth group or a youth leader. If you are a youth leader then sharing all your personal information is not wise, nor required.

If you are a youth participating in a youth group, perhaps talking to a youth leader you feel you can trust first. However as Xanthippe_Voohees states sexuality preferance is personal and not everyone needs to know.

THT
 
Joe, it’s not really anyone’s business, wouldn’t you think?
Heterosexuals aren’t going to feel that they must make an announcement about their orientation.
Why should you have to?

It’s not lying to them. It’s keeping your own counsel.
None of us are obliged to reveal anything to others that is actually none of their business.
The several branches of social media see virtue in everyone revealing everything, but it’s not required.
God bless
 
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Try to keep work and personal aspects of life separate,
Because it doesn’t always end well,
 
Edit: I’m not the youth leader, I’m just a 16 year old youth
 
Joe1 said:
Edit: I’m not the youth leader, I’m just a 16 year old youth
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In that case, definitely do not make your SSA public knowledge. As soon as you do, members of the group will think, “He’s told all of us, so he won’t care if we spread the info to everyone else.”

You might receive some fantastic support by a general announcement…

But you will also open yourself to homophobia of worst types.

And there may also be people who encourage you to abandon Church teaching and just live out, loud, and proud.

This most intimate of information should be revealed only to friends who have proven their trustworthiness.

Teenagers are not known for their ability to keep confidences, sorry. They just have a need to discuss things as a way of learning about themselves and others, and their blossoming identities and place in this world.

If you haven’t already spoken with your pastor, that might be a good place to start. He might even help you find a trusted spiritual director.

God bless you! And know that you are in my prayers.
 
Joe1 said:
Hi so in some other posts many people have been so nice to me regarding my struggle with SSA. So I was wondering, should I or shouldn’t I tell my Catholic youth group about this struggle? If so how should I tell them? I hate lying to them…
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To initiate that discussion would seem odd to me. The act of “coming out” seems most often to involve a declaration that living out the inclination is part and parcel of the inclination itself.
 
I think lots of you non-SSA people may be seriously missing the point. Joe needs people in his life – REAL LIFE, not CAF – who he can talk to about this. He needs to make it a casual and relatively insignificant truth about himself, not The Most Important Thing Ever. If he wants to do that, being silent about it doesn’t help. That makes it seem MORE important, not less important. Take my word for it. I’ve lived it. My attraction to men never had as much power over me as when I said nothing at all about it to anyone.

I agree with those who worry about him being exposed to bullying or homophobia. That’s a real concern, but Joe would probably have a sense of how likely that would be. What do you think, Joe?

As for “coming out” being associated with the gay lifestyle, that will never change unless people casually discuss that they are gay AND chaste. And until that happens, no gay kid ever gets a role model. Straight people have tons of role models who show them how to be chaste adults; gay kids get nobody. Sorry if I sound bitter; it comes from a long time in deep pain.

I don’t know if you should share in the youth group, Joe. But I know that you need to talk with people you trust about it. In person, face to face.
 
Trishie said:
Joe, it’s not really anyone’s business, wouldn’t you think?
Heterosexuals aren’t going to feel that they must make an announcement about their orientation.
Why should you have to?
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Have you ever been a young person with SSA? You WANT it to be someone else’s business, cause it makes you feel so alone. Of course heterosexuals don’t need to come out – they feel normal. I didn’t feel normal, and yeah, I wanted to tell someone. I just didn’t feel anyone was safe to tell.
 
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While I think you have a point, I think part of this is misguided.

Sharing your sexuality, sexual preferences and sexual interests is considered normal and society. However, I am of the opinion that it is all absolute rubbish.

I would not recommend that a teenage girl “Sally” who posted here about her crush on “Charlie” that she declare it to the entire youth group. Sally should, however, share it with a trusted friend. It would be a good idea to for her to seek guidance from an adult.

Same with Joe. An adult in charge can then recommend who he might want to share with. It can all be done very discreetly. Just as it should be done for any sexual things among teens in no way prepared for marriage.
 
To be honest I don’t really know how they would react . Part of me thinks mostly that they will be loving and accepting, the other part thinks that they will accept me but keep their distant and maybe even exempt me from doing some things in the Catholic youth ministry.

I just want to be loved by my friends who are devoted to Christ. I would like for them to know what I’m dealing with. Nothing more…
 
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I wasn’t recommending he share it with the youth group. I think he might consider it, if it were a smaller youth group (4-10 people) where he knew and trusted everyone. Otherwise, I think it’s probably better to talk to a smaller group or one or two people one-on-one. At the same time, I can say from experience that this whole “this is a huge and serious conversation” thing isn’t helping anyone. Joe needs to talk about this casually, as “just another normal thing” people experience. When I say to avoid telling a larger group, I’m saying that precisely because I think such a group would make it a big deal.

It isn’t a big deal. It’s a temptation lots of people experience.
 
Joe1 said:
Part of me thinks mostly that they will be loving and accepting, the other part thinks that they will accept me but keep their distant and maybe even exempt me from doing some things in the Catholic youth ministry.
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I don’t think they would keep their distance from you, but they may well feel uncomfortable and not want to talk more about it. I’ve had that reaction a lot, from my family. But I think peers would be likely – if they’re loving – to just be chill about the whole thing. I think teens and twenty-somethings would help you have a healthier attitude than older people, most likely, so long as they didn’t suggest that you go find a man to marry. :confused:
 
Joe, is it really necessary? When I was in high school there was this guy who hung around with the girls that we knew. He didn’t need to come out, we just figured it out by his behavior. Would people be completely shocked? or would they be like…okay, I figured that.

Anyway, there is not nearly enough info for me to opine one way or the other what you should do…too many unanswered questions, like the one above. Do you trust any of these people with this information? What is your school environment like toward the “struggling”? Can you confide in your family, do they know…ar they there for support if things don’t go well? Are you outside of the main youth group clique, is there even one? etc…etc…

Pearls before swine Joe.
 
I don’t think they would suggest me marrying a man, considering they are (I hope) practicing Catholics. My parents on the other hand, think I should marry a man. Keep in mind one is an atheist, while the other one wants what’s best for me. My brother also told me that I was one of the reasons why he left the Catholic faith because he think that God is destroying me.

But in the end I still love them, even if we fight. The point I am trying to make is that I need reliable people to help me through this and who are practicing Catholics
 
1Lord1Faith, I appreciate most of what you say, and your “pearls before swine” comment is great. However, this…
1Lord1Faith said:
When I was in high school there was this guy who hung around with the girls that we knew. He didn’t need to come out, we just figured it out by his behavior.
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… is a seriously annoying stereotype. The boys in your class that were attracted to other boys weren’t all stereotypically gay, at all. Same-sex attracted boys are as likely to hang out with boys as girls.

(The SSA boys who were in the “in group” just never told anyone about their SSA. That was me, as a teen).
 
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I know a lot of them from School, they are friends and most likely have an idea that maybe I struggle with SSA. I don’t think they would be shocked and I think they will be a bit supportive. I know them well and I am not new to the group
 
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Joe1 said:
The point I am trying to make is that I need reliable people to help me through this and who are practicing Catholics
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Amen to that! I’m convinced God wants you to talk to at least one person in this youth group, probably more than one. It’s just a question of figuring out who.
 
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