Should I pray to be with someone who I love if they love someone else

[DaneClark]

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I love someone who is engaged to someone else. I have loved this person for a very long time, but never had a fair chance to be with her. Our families are very close and she considers me to be a very close friend.

The first time I wanted to tell her I liked her was in 8th grade, and she started dating another boy before I had a chance to tell her. When they FINALLY broke up 4 years later we were both out of school and in college, and she ended up meeting another guy. She was well aware of the fact that I had feelings for her but still only considered me a friend (but still, a very close friend)

After she had been seeing this second guy for about 2 years I started praying every night that God find a way to bring us together and just give me a chance. However, after a few months of this, I decided to give up and try to meet someone else. When they first announced their engagement later that year, I was initially O.K. with it because I was confident that I would meet someone soon- big mistake. I suffer from Aspergers syndrome and have a difficult time socializing. I only feel confortable around people who I have known for a long time, like her. One of my “must-haves” is that the be very close to the same age as me, something that is very hard to find when you’re in your early 20’s. Every relationship that I tried to get into was over before it even started.

That’s when I started thinking about her again. I started praying again, even though at this point I knew that it was too late, but I just couldn’t help it. Everything about her just seems so perfect for me. It’s just not fair to have grown up with someone perfect for you, and having them be one of your closest friends, but not being able to be with them , It’s so frustrating. When I pray, I tell god that I know that I’m being selfish, but it’s just so hard not to want it. I know, I’m basically praying for something bad to happen to someone I love, but I just know that she could learn to love me if we were just given one more chance. She is of a very rare type, and even if I were to meet someone who was just like her in every way, something would still seem missing to me. I really do love her, and I want her to be happy, but why does she get to be happy when I don’t? I know she could be happy with me, I just know it. I’m not asking God to change her free will, all I’m asking him is to let fate bring us into a situation where I can have one more chance. She’s just so perfect for me, and it could take me years to find another girl like her. She has lots of VERY important qualities that nobody else can give me. If it isn’t meant to be, why does my heart keep leading me back to her?

Has anyone else ever been in a situation like this and had it turn out they way they wanted it in the end?

 

[EasterJoy]

I had a very close friend growing up who was interested in me, but never said it in so many words. I was not interested in him that way. He was like a brother to me, and I was relieved that he never made a move, because it would have broken my heart to turn him down directly. Of course, I have no idea if I was ever the subject of his prayer life.

He is now married to a very fine woman who has made him very happy. They have a lovely family.

God has been extraordinary in answering prayers in which I bring him my needs, but not so much when I try to dictate how the need should be met. Tell God what your needs are, ask Him what to do and try always to do it, but accept His wisdom about how to answer your prayers.

After all, the hardest part of prayer is the part of the conversation that involves listening, rather than doing the talking. I think the only ones that don’t know that are the ones that haven’t tried prayer!!

At 20, it is a good thing to look for someone close to your age, but that may change as you get older. My husband is eight years older than I am. It is just right.

Twenty is also young to be concerned about not having found a spouse. Pray for patience! Besides that, attend to God’s work and will in your life. Try to become the kind of man that the woman you are looking for will be looking for! That ought to keep you busy enough!

 

[bpbasilphx]

What you should be praying for is to be led to the person GOD wants you to be with.

 

[4EverHis]

God has been extraordinary in answering prayers in which I bring him my needs, but not so much when I try to dictate how the need should be met.

I have found this too

DaneClark, I pray that God helps you in this painful situation :hug1: try to be honest to Him and just bring Him your needs…

God bless

 

[malachi3]

Dane Clark, I’m so sad for you. I’m a lot older, and I wish I had a dollar for every person I felt was the only one for me, a very rare type, my “soul mate”. Now I know there is no one “very rare type”, there are lots of rare types. It never turned out the way I wanted, but now I’m very glad it didn’t. I got “nothing I asked for, but everything I hoped for”, as the anonymous Confederate soldier prayer goes. Your ideas of the ideal person for you will probably change as you get older. Pray for patience. Another rare type might be right around the corner. Like the others, I also have found that God answers my prayers when I just bring Him my needs.

…“If I am in sorrow, my sorrow may serve Him”… Cardinal Newman meditation