Should I pursue this relationship?

[sanctamaria17]

19 is a legal adult, so no, I don’t think you’re a pervert at all, Bostonguy.

I’m 19 myself and not attached to anyone, but only because I don’t feel ready yet. I just want to finish school in the next two years and join Peace Corps, then work. But if she’s ready, that’s perfectly fine.

It depends on the 19-year-old. Some are really sheltered. Some are ready for the world, just young in years. As long as SHE wants to, as long as HER dreams and HER feelings are considered, as long as YOU BOTH follow GOD’S will, you’re fine:thumbsup: .

 

[GraceDK]

Boston.
You say women who are about your own age are jaded.
Now I dont know what that means… hehe… maybe I am jaded too, but what does this mean? that you have learned some lessons from life and that you are not naive?
That you have had your heart broken?
You though, are you not jaded? It sounds a little like you might be, but you dont accept this trait in others.
I think a young woman should have the possibility to grow with her boyfriend… do everything together according to their age and experience and wonder that comes at every age.
However. older men and even men in generel can often charm a girl into forgetting her initial dreams…

 

[Galnextdoor]

No, I was not venting, because older guys don’t stand a chance against me. I do just fine with the ladies, but thank you for your concern. Seriously though, like I said before, I chose not to talk about age difference, precisely because I was afraid a post like this was going to pop up.

But since this has been brought up, I will take my leave. Bostonguy, I wish you the best of luck, and let God’s will be done.

Hey SomeCatholicGuy

Please don’t be so sensitive. I’m sure you could have women beating down your door. I thought you had trouble finding nice, decent Catholic young women. I’m sorry if I misinterpreted what you said.

Part of the reason he is concerned is the age difference. You are entitled to post your opinion, just like everyone else. It’s just that I thought he had the right to know where you are coming from. BTW he’s not an old guy. Aren’t you only six years younger?

 

[choirmember]

Age is only a number. What matters is what you both have similar interests, hope/dreams etc… just go from there… hey you never know.

 

[choirmember]

you mentioned in your later post that you were going to meet up with her… fill us in…

 

[Lifeisamazing]

You are wise to question things. It seems you know that what you are likely feeling is infatuation. And though it feels wonderful, it is not the best guide.

You don’t mention whether you know what she wants yet. She is only 19, has college to worry about, and likely isn’t standing on solid ground as an individual yet. No wonder she is wide eyed. Her position in life will make it difficult for her to make wise life decisions like those you are contemplating. In other words, she doesn’t even know what she doesn’t know!

As for the women your age being jaded- I agree that dumping baggage on each other isn’t cool. Sharing past experiences slowly is okay when and if it is relevant. Have you been seeking a woman that is actively studying the scripture despite her age? Maybe through your church singles activities, etc.? If not, you are likely to find those kinds of “worldly” women as I have heard it described here at CA.

Is she a practicing Catholic?

Sure, why not go out and have fun getting to know each other? I would just say, as you do, don’t look at her as your future wife the whole time. Once you put those goggles on, it may be difficult to stay aware of reality b/c you will be busy fantasizing. Best wishes to you!!

 

[Bostonguy]

OK here is the update you requested…
I took her out to dinner last night. We had a great time. We have a lot of the same interests and perspectives on things.When I talk to her I don’t feel like I am speaking to a 19yr old. She is definatly a “mature 19”.The geography of this whole thing will probably be difficult, but I think I want to give it a go. We made a date for New Years Eve, But other then that we have decided to take things really slow.

 

[Galnextdoor]

OK here is the update you requested…
I took her out to dinner last night. We had a great time. We have a lot of the same interests and perspectives on things.When I talk to her I don’t feel like I am speaking to a 19yr old. She is definatly a “mature 19”.The geography of this whole thing will probably be difficult, but I think I want to give it a go. We made a date for New Years Eve, But other then that we have decided to take things really slow.

Good for you!

 

[whatevergirl]

I would proceed with caution, but I don’t see anything wrong with pursuing her. I am nearly 11 years younger than my husband, and we met when I was 20, and he was close to 31. We have been together for nearly 18 years. I think her ‘innocence’ is definitely due to her age, but she is an adult woman, capable of making her own decisions. She isn’t 16. I would not relocate for one another, or disrupt your lives…I’d give it time…date, and enjoy where things are heading. You’ll know within the next 6 months if she is ‘the’ one for you, and she should know the same. I think that at 19, she hasn’t experienced life enough though…you have. That is a key difference. Not an obstacle per se, but a difference. Not to say it couldn’t work, but if I were you, I would take it slow, and see where things lead.

Just make sure you are attracted to HER and not to her age. That’s important. If you are truly interested in her, then why not pursue it?

Good luck and hope things work out. God bless! PS–She’s Catholic, right?

 

[yellowbird]

If she were my daughter I would not want her dating you. She was in high school like five minutes ago and you are in your 30’s. Plus you’ve never had a long relationship - red flag. You said you wanted to know what people would think - that’s what I would think. Creepy older guy hitting on my sweet daughter… why can’t he find someone at his own maturity level? And if my daughter IS his maturity level - yikes?!

Obviously the world is filled with people who are different ages and have made it work beautifully… yes, it’s just a number… but I promise you what I’ve posted is what some people will be thinking … starting with her family members.

Sorry to be blunt. You asked.

 

[kage_ar]

Is she Catholic?

 

[Bostonguy]

Yellowbird,
It’s not like I purposly found a 19year old and went up to her and said… Hi there, you look like a nice young Catholic girl, young enough to probably still be a virgin, and old enough to be legal!!!
I sure hope her parents arent thinking I’m so old perv.
It was a chance meeting, in a completly respectable environment (a book store, in the Catholic titles section).
And what do you mean by no long term relationship ,red flag. I gave my reasons. I happen to be a pretty devoted student of the faith and happen to be looking for the right person to share my future with. If I don’t forsee marrying a girl I’m not going to waste their time or mine.

 

[whatevergirl]

Yellowbird,
It’s not like I purposly found a 19year old and went up to her and said… Hi there, you look like a nice young Catholic girl, young enough to probably still be a virgin, and old enough to be legal!!!
I sure hope her parents arent thinking I’m so old perv.
It was a chance meeting, in a completly respectable environment (a book store, in the Catholic titles section).
And what do you mean by no long term relationship ,red flag. I gave my reasons. I happen to be a pretty devoted student of the faith and happen to be looking for the right person to share my future with. If I don’t forsee marrying a girl I’m not going to waste their time or mine.

31 is not that old in this day and age, to not be married, or have had a serious relationship. I also have heard that the longer a person is single, he/she becomes pickier, and you mentioned that, as well. I will say, having a daughter, I might have more questions lol for an ‘older’ man…but my kids might say…hey mom…you were 22 and dad was 32 when you both married…

I guess I wouldn’t have much room to say much:blush: , but their dad is someone very special. I admit, my family wasn’t thrilled that I had found my husband to be in a much older man, but now I’m 40 and he is 50, and the age ‘difference’ sort of dissipated as the years have gone on. I’m sure you are not a ‘perv,’ and just because you are older, doesn’t mean that you can’t pursue someone who is 10 years younger. Ok 12 yrs younger. I think if you take it slow, and give it some time, you’ll both see if this is the right relationship for you. Again, may you both follow God’s plan for your love lives! It’s the best way.

 

[yellowbird]

Yellowbird,
It’s not like I purposly found a 19year old and went up to her and said… Hi there, you look like a nice young Catholic girl, young enough to probably still be a virgin, and old enough to be legal!!!
I sure hope her parents arent thinking I’m so old perv.
It was a chance meeting, in a completly respectable environment (a book store, in the Catholic titles section).
And what do you mean by no long term relationship ,red flag. I gave my reasons. I happen to be a pretty devoted student of the faith and happen to be looking for the right person to share my future with. If I don’t forsee marrying a girl I’m not going to waste their time or mine.

I’m sorry if my previous post came on too strong… you sound like a really nice guy - I’m sure you are, but I just wanted you to know that people are gong to wonder if you ARE some sort of perv in your 30’s looking to date a teenager. It’s what I would wonder if she were my daughter so if these couple of dates lead to something more serious I hope you’re able to just wow her family and they’ll soon see that their misgivings were incorrect. You brought up the age difference as a possible problem … I would agree with you. But as whatevergirl said… by the time she’s 28 and you are 40 with six kids between you it may seem like no biggie.

Be especially kind to her though… she has a very young heart.

 

[yellowbird]

OK, so I just asked my husband, father of a teenage girl, how he would feel if a 31 year old man wanted to date his 19 year old. He said not a chance. He said there is no way they could be on the same maturity level or have had the same life experiences and he would STRONGLY suggest she not date him. He said by 31 the guy is looking for a wife and a 19 year old is still looking for herself…

So that’s some indication to what her father might be thinking…
or not?

 

[Simon_X]

OK, so I just asked my husband, father of a teenage girl, how he would feel if a 31 year old man wanted to date his 19 year old. He said not a chance. He said there is no way they could be on the same maturity level or have had the same life experiences and he would STRONGLY suggest she not date him. He said by 31 the guy is looking for a wife and a 19 year old is still looking for herself…

So that’s some indication to what her father might be thinking…
or not?

I agree with Yellowbird’s husband. There aren’t a lot of guys weighing in on this looks like… but, as a father of a teen, I would have a real hard time seeing a 31 year old man come in the door with her with the intention of dating her. I am sure you’re a good and decent guy, but I personally would be leery of that difference. Maybe if she were 24 or 25, it wouldn’t be such a big deal for me…but you asked…

 

[whatevergirl]

I agree with Yellowbird’s husband. There aren’t a lot of guys weighing in on this looks like… but, as a father of a teen, I would have a real hard time seeing a 31 year old man come in the door with her with the intention of dating her. I am sure you’re a good and decent guy, but I personally would be leery of that difference. Maybe if she was 24 or 25, it wouldn’t be such a big deal for me…but you asked…

That’s interesting that you say this, because I thought to myself after posting, that maybe if she was already in her 20’s it wouldn’t be so glaring. I was 21 when I introduced my family to my then fiance, now hubby. And they still grilled him. I have a 12 yr old daughter…and a 16 yr old son, and if a muhc older man/woman wanted to date them in their late teens, I might wonder. But, not if they were 20+…they will be adults, and they have to make their own decisions. I mean, can a parent actually stop his/her child from dating, once he/she reaches adulthood? I think that we can offer advice, but once our kids reach 20, 21, 22…they need to learn to make good choices. I will say though, that I typically dated older men back in college, as I missed my dad. If I were a man, wishing to pursue a much younger girl…I’d wonder if that was her attraction to me, also.

To the OP–Don’t pressure her, just enjoy her company, and if it’s God’s will…it will happen. I believe this.

 

[yellowbird]

I agree with Yellowbird’s husband. There aren’t a lot of guys weighing in on this looks like… but, as a father of a teen, I would have a real hard time seeing a 31 year old man come in the door with her with the intention of dating her. I am sure you’re a good and decent guy, but I personally would be leery of that difference. Maybe if she were 24 or 25, it wouldn’t be such a big deal for me…but you asked…

I agree that eventually the age difference wouldn’t matter… I’m just not sure at 19 & 31 you’ve reached that point yet?

If, when you were a senior in high school (17) you told someone you met this great girl that you’d like to take out and she was a kindergarter (5) of course that would be so bizarre So now let’s fast forward and the kindergartener is 19 and you are 31… it’s not nearly as but the creepy factor hasn’t gone away totally IMO.