Should I say something to the priest?

[Elizabeth502]

I guess I feel differently than DSJJ. I feel immensely grateful to priests for the overwhelming service they provide to us. It is a permanent life of service with very little remuneration and more uninterrupted giving than most of us are called upon in our lay lives. Even with the graces they receive, even with the most dedicated prayer lives, it must be such a challenge to keep one’s equanimity in the face of so many personal demands, and so many parishioners (especially) who seem more ready with complaints than with gratitude.

(I’m just making an assessment based on observably selfish behavior I see in parishes, wherein people put so many demands on priests and show so little consideration for competing demands on the priests’ time. It’s embarrassing to watch how individual parishioners manage to monopolize the priest’s precious time after Mass, while dozens of other people are waiting just to greet him or say one sentence, for heaven’s sake. Recently I’ve come to understand how especially appropriate the term “father” is for priests, as so many grown adults behave like petulant, self-absorbed children instead of the mature individuals proper to their age.) These are not comments directed to anyone on this thread, be assured. They are simply cumulative perceptions based on my own experience in parishes, not in discussion forums.

We parents, teachers, and medical professionals have lives of giving with more respite than priests have – day to day and year to year. I can’t imagine sitting in a confessional or behind the pulpit when one doesn’t feel like it, yet giving your all regardless. I know that all of the priests I personally know give their all during confession and during Mass. I don’t expect perfection or saintliness from priests; I expect that they try their best, and I feel that my expectations are more than satisfied. My previous post is an example of how in both cases the priests redeemed or explained their own behavior, which is no more than God expects of all of us, including of priests: to acknowledge our bad behavior and ask for forgiveness.

 

[Aramis]

To the OP:
Yes. Quietly, soon, and in private.

 

[Joannm]

I guess I feel differently than DSJJ. I feel immensely grateful to priests for the overwhelming service they provide to us. It is a permanent life of service with very little remuneration and more uninterrupted giving than most of us are called upon in our lay lives. Even with the graces they receive, even with the most dedicated prayer lives, it must be such a challenge to keep one’s equanimity in the face of so many personal demands, and so many parishioners (especially) who seem more ready with complaints than with gratitude.
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I have a different opinion and agree a bit more with DSJJ. Just because a man is ordained does not give him the right to be nasty or arrogant to those seeking his help. If a salesperson acted in such a way would you make a purchase? If your doctor always acted in such a way would you continue to go to them when you were sick? I work for a parish, and can assure you that, at least in our diocese (and I know we may not be typical of some other dioceses), our priests have a lot of down time and take well advantage of it. There is no excuse for a priest to be the way the OP described. I have known many a person who has been turned off by the negative attitudes of some priests. I have, as a pastoral associate, had to talk for hours with such people trying to convince them not to give up on the Church because of the attitude of a priest. I might add that I am not just including priests in this. I have experienced some deacons and lay ecclesial ministers with such attitudes. In my opinion, such people do more harm than good. It seems to me that, in a sense, priests (and other ministers) with such attitudes seem to give the sense that since they “hold the key to the tabernacle” (for lack of a better phrase) that they can act towards people however they want. It is not about them, it is about bringing the Love of God to others. If God’s own priests can’t act loving and caring (with maybe an occasional slip as would be natural to any person), then we can’t complain when people leave our churches. I know if I were to act that way toward our parishioners I would find myself out of a job and maybe blacklisted for other jobs in the diocese.

 

[Elizabeth502]

I seem to have miscommunicated, Joann.
By no means do I give priests a “pass,” so to speak. They are not less bound by charity; they are more bound. However, I think in the vast majority of cases, they are even far more aware of that responsibility than we lay people are – about them. What I am saying is that given the extraordinary emotional/psychological demands on a priest, by many parishioners — not just in the course of his work, but by those lay people who consciously and unconsciously “dump” on their priests to a degree not required by his station, it is not reasonable for us to expect that a deluge of demands will not result in an occasional misstep by the priest (as a reaction). He’s human, despite bringing the sacraments to us.

I agree with you that there are lay ministers on “power trips,” to condense the idea. And some of them also monopolize the priest’s time, inappropriately. But far greater, at least where I have seen, is the percentage of non-ministers who behave in a very immature manner, with excessive demands for a priest’s attention (hence, my comparison to children, above). These are the people who display the same disregard, during liturgy, for the fact that this is a community event, they should show consideration to others at Mass, and it is not All About Them. In that sense, the congregation is very much bound by charity. Is there no connection, for some people, between what’s going on at Mass, their participation in it, and their behavior after Mass? We partake of sacraments to transform us, not to confirm us in our selfishness and lack of consideration for others.