should I say something?

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Luvs2Learn

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Here is the situation…
my son attends a preschool where I have become friendly with some of his classmates mothers due to playdates and school functions. One of the moms whos son has been in class for 2yrs with my son she has 2 children has been trying for the last year to concieve again. For some unknow reason they have not been able to concieve again. She has just informed me that she and her husband are about to undergo IVF. ( I happen to know that both her and her husband are RC.) She told me and one of the other moms about the IVF in confidence because she didn’t want us to think she was suddenly unavailable for playdates for no reason.
She has already begun the process. I am not close enough of a friend with her to really poach her with an opinion but at the same time I feel rather guilty about not saying anything about.
Any advice?:confused:
 
Since she was NOT soliciting your opinion, advice or (name removed by moderator)ut–and bolstered by the fact that you two do not have a very close relationship and this is really none of your business–say nothing. If she is a practicing Catholic, she has plenty of resources available to her should she want them. You will undoubtedly offend and alienate her, particularly now when she is likely very emotional about pregnancy/having another child. IF she asks for your advice, then by all means you should answer her honestly.
 
also, since I know this is a no no and am not saying anything about it, should I confess this at my next confession ?
 
Knowledge of another’s sin/intent to commit a sin is not something you can confess. Unless you were aiding her in obtaining the IVF you have no role in whatever violation of rules she may have committed. You can certainly pray for her and avoid as best you can judging her actions and choices since you likely don’t have all the facts
 
*]*Not meaning to be rude, but this is one of those times you should mind your own business.

Kathy **

this is what I have done thus far. And it looks as though that is the consensus.
 
Island_Oak said:
Since she was NOT soliciting your opinion, advice or (name removed by moderator)ut–and bolstered by the fact that you two do not have a very close relationship and this is really none of your business–say nothing. If she is a practicing Catholic, she has plenty of resources available to her should she want them. You will undoubtedly offend and alienate her, particularly now when she is likely very emotional about pregnancy/having another child. IF she asks for your advice, then by all means you should answer her honestly.
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Very good advice 👍
Let her do what she wants to do because she probably knows that the Catholic Church thinks of IVF and it’s her decision, but if she asks for your opinion you should definitely tell her what you think 👍 You could also pray for her.
 
Marycruz said:
Very good advice 👍
Let her do what she wants to do because she probably knows that the Catholic Church thinks of IVF and it’s her decision, but if she asks for your opinion you should definitely tell her what you think 👍 You could also pray for her.
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One would think so, but I am a ‘cradle Catholic,’ and I had no clue about IVF and the Church’s stance on that, up until a few years ago. Soooo…she truly might not know the Church’s stance on this. I think there could be a gentle way to approach the subject, I just don’t quite know what that is…😦
 
whatevergirl said:
One would think so, but I am a ‘cradle Catholic,’ and I had no clue about IVF and the Church’s stance on that, up until a few years ago. Soooo…she truly might not know the Church’s stance on this. I think there could be a gentle way to approach the subject, I just don’t quite know what that is…😦
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That could be a possibility, perhaps kmoore’s idea of posting something anonymously or sending her a link would not be bad, just to make sure that she knows what she’s getting into.
 
I do understand the OP’s concern, however. One of the nine ways we can participate in another’s sin is by silence.
 
whatevergirl said:
One would think so, but I am a ‘cradle Catholic,’ and I had no clue about IVF and the Church’s stance on that, up until a few years ago. Soooo…she truly might not know the Church’s stance on this. I think there could be a gentle way to approach the subject, I just don’t quite know what that is…😦
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Unfortunately I think this is quite common, people just not knowing. I will say though that this woman should know, as we all should, because as Catholics we have a responsibility to know.

But, I suspect she does know, and has only told one specific person because she knows what other Catholic’s thoughts on the subject may be, and is avoiding them.

Regardless of what she knows or doesn’t, mum is the word unless of course she brings it up to you specifically and asks your opinion. What Island Oak said was spot on.

I would pray for her and the unborn children she may loose in this process.
 
shannyk said:
Unfortunately I think this is quite common, people just not knowing. I will say though that this woman should know, as we all should, because as Catholics we have a responsibility to know.

But, I suspect she does know, and has only told one specific person because she knows what other Catholic’s thoughts on the subject may be, and is avoiding them.

Regardless of what she knows or doesn’t, mum is the word unless of course she brings it up to you specifically and asks your opinion. What Island Oak said was spot on.

I would pray for her and the unborn children she may loose in this process.
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I don’t disagree that probably minding one’s business would be wise, but …do we have a moral obligation whatsoever to cautioning someone that he/she could be entering into sin? I sometimes think about John the Baptist when I am at a crossroads in life over cautioning someone in similiar circumstances…he lost his life for telling the truth! The OP won’t lose her life…she might ruffle a few feathers, but is that enough to not tell someone a major principle of the Catholic Church? If the woman in question is like I was, she might appreciate knowing, before making a terrible mistake. Again, not sure what I would do, but I’m just saying…

I think it just bears some reflection, that’s all. I think we are very quick to mind our own business all the time. Jesus didn’t mind His own business…He walked right up to people and told them what He thought. I’m NOT saying we do that, but I am not so sure we are to turn a blind eye to what others are doing, because we don’t want to ruffle feathers. Or don’t want someone to dislike us, or whatever. I am not sure what to do here, and I’m not dismissing your advice, Island, it’s wise advice. I just ask the question, that’s all. 🤷
 
I look at my sister…she was dating a married man, he left his wife, she moved in with him (a few years ago) and she thought she was going to live happily ever after. I told her from the get go…this is not right, you shouldn’t be living like this, it is wrong, you will wake up someday and realize that this relationship does not have God’s blessing…and on and on I went. Granted, she is my sister…BUT…she stopped returning my calls for months. Months. I did not regret telling her though, and guess what? She left that guy, and now she recently went to confession, and is going to mass every week. She is a new creation in Christ.

If I said nothing, not saying she would never have left…but I think she saw quicker than not, that she was living in deep sin. I had nothing to do with it, but God works through us all…gives us the right words to say to those who are lost, etc…so we don’t have to burden ourselves with the message.

I know that this is a different story altogether that the OP presents, because she is not exactly friends with this other person, but perhaps there is a gentle and kind way to get the point across…just a look of caring, and handing over what the Church teaches in a brochure or something…and then it’s up to the woman. I think that as Catholics, part of the ‘new evangelization’ that Pope JP2 spoke of, was this very thing…talking about what we believe. Helping others who might stumble.

I just think there is a way, to somehow present the info to this person…if she already knows and doesn’t care, then the OP knows, and could easily say…I’m sorry, it’s none of my business…at that point. Maybe I’m way out on a limb with my thinking here on this, I dunno.
 
whatevergirl said:
I don’t disagree that probably minding one’s business would be wise, but …do we have a moral obligation whatsoever to cautioning someone that he/she could be entering into sin? I sometimes think about John the Baptist when I am at a crossroads in life over cautioning someone in similiar circumstances…he lost his life for telling the truth! The OP won’t lose her life…she might ruffle a few feathers, but is that enough to not tell someone a major principle of the Catholic Church? If the woman in question is like I was, she might appreciate knowing, before making a terrible mistake. Again, not sure what I would do, but I’m just saying…

I think it just bears some reflection, that’s all. I think we are very quick to mind our own business all the time. Jesus didn’t mind His own business…He walked right up to people and told them what He thought. I’m NOT saying we do that, but I am not so sure we are to turn a blind eye to what others are doing, because we don’t want to ruffle feathers. Or don’t want someone to dislike us, or whatever. I am not sure what to do here, and I’m not dismissing your advice, Island, it’s wise advice. I just ask the question, that’s all. 🤷
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WG good points. I think I leaned towards MYOB because I have a hunch this woman knows full well what she is doing is against Church teaching, and she has decided for whatever reason, that it doesn’t matter to her. In that case all I see is defensiveness and drama coming out of it. BUT, you are right, it’s not a very good reason to not say anything, even if in a cryptic ‘dropping hints’ type of way, especially if she truly doesn’t know.

It’s a tough one for sure. I don’t know if I’d be able to keep my yap shut if I was in the same spot. BUT, I’d for sure be as tactful as humanly possible, or try to weed out the whole story before I said anything.😊🤷 A very uncomfy spot to be in for sure!
 
If you know this woman well enough that she would talk about IVF then you at least know her enough to bring up the subject. You would just have to try and do it in a way that has some chance of helping her.

I’d suggest that you mention NaProTechnology Don’t go into a conversation with “IVF is bad” but with the approach “Have you looked into NaPro? It’s natural and the sucess rates appear good, etc.” accentuate the positive. I think you have a pretty good chance of getting her to look at the process and if she does, the Church’s teaching on IVF will become apparent.
 
I think people should stand up for what is right. It is this whole “mind your own business” political correctness that has this world all backwards. It’s like that old bracelet, what would Jesus do. If Jesus was told by someone she was going to commit a mortal sin I bet He would say something rather than mind His own business. We have a duty, out of love for God and another, to guide others to the Truth. If I was putting my soul in eternal jeopardy I sure would appreciate someone talking me out of it. It all comes down to LOVE your neighbor!
 
PapaSquash said:
If you know this woman well enough that she would talk about IVF then you at least know her enough to bring up the subject. You would just have to try and do it in a way that has some chance of helping her.

I’d suggest that you mention NaProTechnology Don’t go into a conversation with “IVF is bad” but with the approach “Have you looked into NaPro? It’s natural and the sucess rates appear good, etc.” accentuate the positive. I think you have a pretty good chance of getting her to look at the process and if she does, the Church’s teaching on IVF will become apparent.
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Excellent idea.
 
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