Should I talk to my girlfriend about masturbation?

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twentynine

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Over the last year or so, I’ve begun to take my faith more seriously. I’ve started praying everyday, getting more involved in the local Catholic community, etc. I started dating another Catholic a little less than a year ago.

Now, I’ve been masturbating my entire life, but over the last year, because of this commitment to the faith, I’ve been doing it way less frequently. When I first started dating my girlfriend, I went a month or two without doing it but then eventually gave in to temptation and did it a few times over the summer. I haven’t done it since then, and I hope to continue this forever. I feel really bad that I caved over the summer and I am wondering if this is something I should be obligated to talk to her about at this stage in the relationship. She’s from a very Catholic family so I’m afraid she’s oblivious to the unfortunate reality that virtually every guy at some point, Catholic or not, has struggled with masturbation.

Any advice is appreciated!!
 
Talk to your confessor. You don’t need to tell your gf if you don’t want to. Just work on yourself and keeping yourself holy.
I’m not going to tell my wife about all of my sins…
 
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This would be immodest conversation to have with a girlfriend.

If you are at the point where you plan marriage and this sin is still in your life, by all means tell her because she needs to know that she is marrying a man who may have a great struggle with chastity.
 
twentynine said:
I am wondering if this is something I should be obligated to talk to her about at this stage in the relationship.
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No. It is NOT something to talk to your girlfriend about. It is something to confess and then move on.
 
I would wait until a engagement period to talk about past struggles like this. Hopefully by then you break this habit. If not then she definitely has a right to know before you two are married. But not until the engagement period. IMHO anyway.
 
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No no no no no no no. Do not. Not appropriate at all.

Really this is your issue and you need to work on that. At this stage in a relationship it’s not appropriate to really discuss your personal sins. And even in a marriage you don’t always tell your spouse everything you say in the confessional.
 
Op: to what end? I want to know what you think it accomplishes to tell her. I’m greatly currious.
 
My biggest worry is that she would see it as cheating when I did it over the summer. It was probably around five times over the summer when I was with her. The year before that it was fairly infrequent – once a week or so. The many years before that it was often.
 
I’m assuming you mean “committing adultery” when you say “cheating”.

Masturbation is a sin against the 6th Commandment, it is a sin against chastity, however it is not adultery.
 
Irishmom2 said:
No, she doesn’t need or want to hear about that.
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I agree. It is the last thing a women wants to hear. Not to mention what do you expect her to say afterwards???

Personally, if a man told me about that I would be thinking he is showing off or something weird
 
cmscms said:
I agree. It is the last thing a women wants to hear. Not to mention what do you expect her to say afterwards???
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Yeah, like even if you were married to her and fell in this area, what good would it do to tell her. It’s giving her an unnecessary burden as well as she may believe you are telling her because there’s something she can do to help you stay chaste.

I mean, I’m a guy, I understand it can be hard to stay chaste in this area, especially during dating, but it’s not her problem. You just have to pray and struggle until you can control yourself.
Don’t get discouraged though, and don’t beat yourself up about it. It’s a process and it takes time and prayer.
 
Actually…since it is easier for women to stay chaste (in general) as a woman I would resent a man expecting me to help him stay chaste
 
cmscms said:
Actually…since it is easier for women to stay chaste (in general) as a woman I would resent a man expecting me to help him stay chaste
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Well, in fairness we are all supposed to be helping each other get to heaven in any way possible. But my point was that she might take it to mean that something about her is leading the OP into sin.
 
AdamP88 said:
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cmscms:
Actually…since it is easier for women to stay chaste (in general) as a woman I would resent a man expecting me to help him stay chaste
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Well, in fairness we are all supposed to be helping each other get to heaven in any way possible. But my point was that she might take it to mean that something about her is leading the OP into sin.
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Oh, I see. I guess that was not my first though
 
In my opinion, this is a very inappropriate discussion to have with anyone except a priest or a professional counselor … keep it to yourself … your girlfriend should not be made to deal with such things.
 
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I agree with the others who say “no” to telling your girlfriend. A lot of wise women in this thread have advised against it. It’s something you confess to your priest. You have in no way cheated on her unless you were envisioning other women while doing it. Even then, you’re not married, so I don’t think it would constitute adultery in any way.
 
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