Should I Tell My Dad?

[ATeutonicKnight]

Since I had an addiction to masturbation, pornography went hand-in-hand, and I watched it on my dad’s computer (Among others). I have broken this addiction and haven’t had a problem with it for about four or five months, so it’s safe to say that I’m done with it, but I feel bad about it because my dad’s laptop runs slow and has about a thousand problems with it. Should I tell him why his laptop is running so slow, or should I just let it be? If there are any fathers here, please give me your (name removed by moderator)ut on whether or not you would want to know.

 

[LilyM]

You don’t need to be specific - just say ‘Dad,have you checked that there’s no viruses/malware/spyware on the computer that might be causing it to run slow?’

 

[John21652]

Since I had an addiction to masturbation, pornography went hand-in-hand, and I watched it on my dad’s computer (Among others). I have broken this addiction and haven’t had a problem with it for about four or five months, so it’s safe to say that I’m done with it, but I feel bad about it because my dad’s laptop runs slow and has about a thousand problems with it. Should I tell him why his laptop is running so slow, or should I just let it be? If there are any fathers here, please give me your (name removed by moderator)ut on whether or not you would want to know.

If you have truly broken the ‘addiction’, then there is no need to tell your Dad. It will make him mistrust you and he will feel dreadfully hurt. If you think what you did is the cause of the problems with the laptop, then take some steps to fix it. Maybe even reinstall the entire operating platform if you have a disc. If there are no anti-malware programs on the laptop and you think that malware is the cause, then get an anti- malware program.

Do whatever it takes to get that laptop fixed. That way, you can repay the trust your father showed you in allowing you to use it unserpervised in the first place.

 

[willofgods]

Since you’ve already broken the habit, the only father you should tell this to is your priest.

You should tell your dad to get the computer checked (some places charge very little) or have him get an antivirus program. In the meantime, save up part of your allowance or salary to pay your father for a nice gift for his birthday or the arrival of the Three Kings or Father’s day or something to make up for (likely being responsible for) making the computer slower.

I’m glad you were able to break the habit

 

[defenderoftruth]

Wow all the “don’t tell dad” stuff is kind of disheartening to me. Your dad is there to help you and being a young man he can give you advice and comfort. I would tell him and then tell him that you’ve been free from it for a while. Telling him will make him understand that you trust him enough not to judge you harshly and he will appreciate being come to for advice as well. It will be a weight off your shoulders to tell him. Since you used his computer I would definately tell him and apologize.

 

[Leegal]

Since I had an addiction to masturbation, pornography went hand-in-hand, and I watched it on my dad’s computer (Among others). I have broken this addiction and haven’t had a problem with it for about four or five months, so it’s safe to say that I’m done with it, but I feel bad about it because my dad’s laptop runs slow and has about a thousand problems with it. Should I tell him why his laptop is running so slow, or should I just let it be? If there are any fathers here, please give me your (name removed by moderator)ut on whether or not you would want to know.

No, you don’t need to tell him… Take the laptop in for a tune-up or download some anti-virus, malware programs (some are free) or some programs that tune up a computer.

The computer may be infected or slowed down as a result of your searches with results left behind, but there can be other reasons why a computer slows down too and stops performing. Get it cleaned up and tell him it’s a gift.

 

[Leegal]

Wow all the “don’t tell dad” stuff is kind of disheartening to me. Your dad is there to help you and being a young man he can give you advice and comfort. I would tell him and then tell him that you’ve been free from it for a while. Telling him will make him understand that you trust him enough not to judge you harshly and he will appreciate being come to for advice as well. It will be a weight off your shoulders to tell him. Since you used his computer I would definately tell him and apologize.

If he had stolen the computer, he would have to tell his father and replace it. But the only confession required here is for him to confess to the priest. He can get the computer back in working order. If in doubt, he can ask his confessor if he’s required to confess moral sins, already confessed to the priest, to his parent. I think not.

 

[ukfan]

Wow all the “don’t tell dad” stuff is kind of disheartening to me. Your dad is there to help you and being a young man he can give you advice and comfort. I would tell him and then tell him that you’ve been free from it for a while. Telling him will make him understand that you trust him enough not to judge you harshly and he will appreciate being come to for advice as well. It will be a weight off your shoulders to tell him. Since you used his computer I would definately tell him and apologize.

I agree, it is disheartening to hear this sort of advice. Of course it would be embarrassing to admit you messed up your Dad’s computer, but you messed up your Dad’s computer. It would be like taking your Dad’s car out while you were drunk, wrecking the car, and then not telling him you wrecked it.

I think if you messed up someone’s stuff they deserve to know what happened. After you tell him, then you can help him fix it, maybe help him put some filtering software on it as a safeguard for yourself and maybe your Dad could give you some sound parental advice on how to avoid that sin in the future.

 

[Leegal]

I agree, it is disheartening to hear this sort of advice. Of course it would be embarrassing to admit you messed up your Dad’s computer, but you messed up your Dad’s computer. It would be like taking your Dad’s car out while you were drunk, wrecking the car, and then not telling him you wrecked it.

I think if you messed up someone’s stuff they deserve to know what happened. After you tell him, then you can help him fix it, maybe help him put some filtering software on it as a safeguard for yourself and maybe your Dad could give you some sound parental advice on how to avoid that sin in the future.

You are assuming facts not in evidence. Some parents are not going to see this as an opportunity to bond. We don’t know his father’s reaction, if he has no obligation to confess.

If in doubt, he can take this up with a confessor to whom he already confessed. I know of nothing in the catechism that requires we confess masturbation or porn to parents, beyond what we confess to the priest in that regard.

The drunk driving auto wreck is not analogous. I could point out where that argument fails, but it should be rather obvious.

 

[nonanon]

Since I had an addiction to masturbation, pornography went hand-in-hand, and I watched it on my dad’s computer (Among others). I have broken this addiction and haven’t had a problem with it for about four or five months, so it’s safe to say that I’m done with it, but I feel bad about it because my dad’s laptop runs slow and has about a thousand problems with it. Should I tell him why his laptop is running so slow, or should I just let it be? If there are any fathers here, please give me your (name removed by moderator)ut on whether or not you would want to know.

Have you asked your confessor this question? I suspect he’d tell you there’s no obligation to tell, especially if you think it would cause him any distress.

I’m the father of teenagers, and although I understand temptation in this area, and am willing to listen and help any way I can, I don’t feel it’s necessary that they disclose all the details. If they think they see a problem on my computer, I would appreciate them telling me that.

A couple of other points:

• It’s understandable that you suspect your actions slowed down the computer, but are you sure that’s the only problem, or the root cause?
• If you feel obligated to “make restitution”, I suggest that you simply tell your dad you noticed the laptop is having problems, and offer to take it in for a tune-up (at your expense), as a gift. If he agrees (and only if he agrees), do it.

 

[Oneofthewomen]

I have to agree with these sentiments.
We are talking about a minor child, who used his father’s computer without permission,
to illegally (you must be at least 18 & in most cases 21 to access “adult content”) look at porn.
And I am curious, I am a assuming internet porn is not free, so how, TeutonicKnight, how did you pay for this porn?
There is so much more going on here than a simple little indiscretion.
IMHO, you need to come clean with your Dad, and fast!!

And FWIW,
I would be furious if I found out anyone gave my minor child the advice to not tell me about something like this!!

Wow all the “don’t tell dad” stuff is kind of disheartening to me. (snipped) Since you used his computer I would definately tell him and apologize.

I agree, it is disheartening to hear this sort of advice. Of course it would be embarrassing to admit you messed up your Dad’s computer, but you messed up your Dad’s computer. (snipped)
I think if you messed up someone’s stuff they deserve to know what happened. After you tell him, then you can help him fix it, maybe help him put some filtering software on it as a safeguard for yourself and maybe your Dad could give you some sound parental advice on how to avoid that sin in the future.

 

[defenderoftruth]

Did I ever say he was “required” to tell his dad? NO. I do think that since he messed up his dad’s computer and yes porn sites are notorious for slowing and virusing up computers (so says my computer geek husband who fixes computers for a living). I think it would be a good gesture and a good way to seek advice from his parent.

You all sound like you think his dad would freak out or blow up on him (which he may I don’t know the guy) but I know my husband would have a good father son talk with our boy if he did that and give him some good fatherly advice.

It is obviously bugging the young man that he did it on his dad’s computer and the state of his dad’s computer because of it. You all are like “well you confessed to a priest that’s all you need to do”-keep it a secret when it’s obviously bugging the kid. He’ll feel better (if his dad isn’t a “blow up” type to tell him and it will give his dad a chance to bond with his son further and most decent dads would feel better knowing their son loved and respected them enough to fess up and talk to them about it.

 

[defenderoftruth]

I have to agree with these sentiments.
We are talking about a minor child, who used his father’s computer without permission,
to illegally (you must be at least 18 & in most cases 21 to access “adult content”) look at porn.
And I am curious, I am a assuming internet porn is not free, so how, TeutonicKnight, how did you pay for this porn?
There is so much more going on here than a simple little indiscretion.
IMHO, you need to come clean with your Dad, and fast!!

And FWIW,
I would be furious if I found out anyone gave my minor child the advice to not tell me about something like this!!

:yup::clapping:

 

[grandfather]

You can download Malwarebytes for free. Go to malwarebytes.org. Then run a full scan. All the malware should get identified and erased.

You can also click on tools or safety drop down menus and select delete browsing history. Another menu will pop up and you can select what you want to erase, such as cookies and temporary internet files.

If the computer is infected with virus your father’s private information could be hacked, such as credit card purchases or numbers, You need to get the computer cleaned up immediately or the problem could get much bigger than having a slow laptop.

You should also not assume that your problem will not resurface. All sins of an addictive compulsive nature, drinking, lust, compulsive lying, drugs abuse can resurface. An alcoholic is an alcoholic until the day he dies, even if he does not drink for years. We all have besetting sins, certain weaknesses, areas were we are vulnerable. Those vulnerablilities come from areas where we have been wounded spiritually. This is one of the reasons we guard against the occassion of sin. We have to do all that is possible to stay away from the places that are dangerous to us.

 

[ukfan]

You are assuming facts not in evidence. Some parents are not going to see this as an opportunity to bond. We don’t know his father’s reaction, if he has no obligation to confess.

Actually, aren’t you assuming facts not in evidence as well? How do you know his father’s reaction wouldn’t be one of support, encouragement and prayer? You’re giving advice, assuming that it’s the worst case scenario.

If in doubt, he can take this up with a confessor to whom he already confessed. I know of nothing in the catechism that requires we confess masturbation or porn to parents, beyond what we confess to the priest in that regard.

I’m not saying the OP MUST tell his Dad, only that he probably should and that the advice not to, given the info the OP has told us, is bad advice.

From the catechism,
*1435 Conversion is accomplished in daily life by gestures of reconciliation, concern for the poor, the exercise and defense of justice and right, **by the admission of faults to one’s brethren, fraternal correction, revision of life,*examination of conscience, spiritual direction, acceptance of suffering, endurance of persecution for the sake of righteousness. Taking up one’s cross each day and following Jesus is the surest way of penance.

1459 Many sins wrong our neighbor. One must do what is possible in order to repair the harm (e.g., return stolen goods, restore the reputation of someone slandered, pay compensation for injuries). Simple justice requires as much. But sin also injures and weakens the sinner himself, as well as his relationships with God and neighbor. Absolution takes away sin, but it does not remedy all the disorders sin has caused.62 Raised up from sin, the sinner must still recover his full spiritual health by doing something more to make amends for the sin: he must “make satisfaction for” or “expiate” his sins. This satisfaction is also called “penance.”

The drunk driving auto wreck is not analogous. I could point out where that argument fails, but it should be rather obvious.

Oh, and the drunk driving analogy is perfectly valid. The OP messed up his Dad’s computer committing a dangerous, sinful act. In my analogy, he messed up his Dad’s car committing a dangerous, sinful act. Both were wrong. Both were an abuse of someone else’s property that resulted in damage. The advice that he should just fix his Dad’s computer on his own would be the same as if he just took his Dad’s car into the shop and didn’t tell him.

If the Dad’s computer is full of spyware like the OP says, his Dad may have had his credit card info or banking info compromised, as well as his login info to other sites. The idea that he should just “fix” his Dad’s computer and not tell him about it is very risky behavior. If he told his Dad at least he could be on the lookout for fraudulent behavior.

 

[John21652]

I have to agree with these sentiments.

The sentiments disagree with you and rightly so.
Let me explain…

We are talking about a minor child,

Oh, please, show us where the OP states he is a ‘minor’, or a ‘child’.

who used his father’s computer without permission,

Where is it stated by the OP he used the laptop “without permission”?

to illegally (you must be at least 18 & in most cases 21 to access “adult content”) look at porn.
And I am curious, I am a assuming internet porn is not free, so how, TeutonicKnight, how did you pay for this porn?

You asked a question based on an assumption. Assumption is wrong: not all porn costs money, which is why it is recommended that filters be used to stop it jumping up onto your screen.

There is so much more going on here than a simple little indiscretion.
IMHO,

The OP never stated it was a “simple little indescretion” He owned up to it as an “addiction”. Self realisation is a good first step towards displaying moral courage and he has taken it.

you need to come clean with your Dad, and fast!!

Are you a Dad?
The OP specifically asked the opinions of other dads -

… Should I tell him why his laptop is running so slow, or should I just let it be? If there are any fathers here, please give me your (name removed by moderator)ut on whether or not you would want to know.

Another point is the OP is himself assuming that his porn watching is what is making the computer run slowly. If it is the porn that is making it run badly, I’d have thought the porn would be fairly obvious somewhere on the computer. It might be something else entirely that is causing the laptop to run slowly. I’d want more information from the Op on this point.

And FWIW,
I would be furious if I found out anyone gave my minor child the advice to not tell me about something like this!!

Your fury is based on an assumption. Ease up on yourself. In the meantime, I stick with my “dad advice” and say the OP’s dad doesn’t need to know. If the OP’s consceince is troubling him, he can go confide in his Priest, as others have advised him to do. He also needs to fix what he has damaged, if it is the case that his actions caused the damage. If not, then he can fix his dad’s laptop as an act of charity.

Grandfather gave some sound advice - not all “addictions” are so easily cured. The Op needs to confide in his Priest.

Meanwhile, back at home, the Op does not need a strained relationship with his father simply because others think it best. It might mean a permanently broken relationship. None of us knows the father of the OP and how he might react.

TuetonicKnight, I would not want to know. However, I would be extremely proud to know that I had a son with the moral courage to recognise moral problems and rid himself of flawed behaviour without me looking over his shoulder.

Man advice - go see your priest!

 

[MartyrForJesus]

Since I had an addiction to masturbation, pornography went hand-in-hand, and I watched it on my dad’s computer (Among others). I have broken this addiction and haven’t had a problem with it for about four or five months, so it’s safe to say that I’m done with it, but I feel bad about it because my dad’s laptop runs slow and has about a thousand problems with it. Should I tell him why his laptop is running so slow, or should I just let it be? If there are any fathers here, please give me your (name removed by moderator)ut on whether or not you would want to know.

You don’t need to tell him. It is between you and God. Tell him that the computers running slow, or try and fix it yourself. There are plenty of trusted programs you can use to get rid of problematic files. God Bless friend.

 

[musicality]

If you know that malware is causing the computer to run slowly, I would suggest running this application: malwarebytes.org/

They have a paid version, but their free version works just as well for the purposes of removing viruses, spyware, etc.

 

[grandfather]

If the Dad’s computer is full of spyware like the OP says, his Dad may have had his credit card info or banking info compromised, as well as his login info to other sites. The idea that he should just “fix” his Dad’s computer and not tell him about it is very risky behavior. If he told his Dad at least he could be on the lookout for fraudulent behavior.

The computer may or may not be infected with spyware. That can be determined quickly. If it has been infected with spyware then it needs to be immediately cleaned and passwords need to be changed. Possibly credit card numbers need to be changed as well.

The first thing that needs to be done is have the computer checked. It may already have antivirus protection and a full scan should be run if one is not run regularly. If there is no antimalware program it is easy to get one and check the computer.

 

[Lamentation]

Since I had an addiction to masturbation, pornography went hand-in-hand, and I watched it on my dad’s computer (Among others). I have broken this addiction and haven’t had a problem with it for about four or five months, so it’s safe to say that I’m done with it, but I feel bad about it because my dad’s laptop runs slow and has about a thousand problems with it. Should I tell him why his laptop is running so slow, or should I just let it be? If there are any fathers here, please give me your (name removed by moderator)ut on whether or not you would want to know.

Naw, it’s something best left unsaid…

Be that as it may, you could easily atone by fixing it. The best way of doing this is reinstalling the operating system. Just be sure to back up any documents, etc.

TBH, Windows tends to slow itself down after awhile…

EDIT (after reading previous suggestions): I am a senior compsci major. DO NOT use malwarebytes. Generally, advertising a paid version of antivirus/spyware worries me, as their program usually does its work rather inefficiently (e.g. Norton Antivirus). If you’re going to attempt to clean any spyware on the computer, you can safely use “spybot search and destroy”.