V
VAdudette
Guest
Let me start by saying that I don’t feel comfortable asking for money even if it’s my money back.
In October of last year, I lent some money to my boyfriend at that time. He was in a real financial bind and I felt really bad for him. So I let him borrow five hundred dollars. He knows that it’s a loan, not a freebie.
At that time, it was money that was just sitting in my bank account for emergency use. Well a month later, we broke up and my car broke down twice! Needless to say, I racked up a huge car repair bill. I needed my money back but I couldn’t ask my ex for it because I figured he was still in a financial bind as well. I waited around Christmas to see if he would have a conscience and attempt to work out some payment plan with me, but nothing.
January came and I got a call from him. He said that he has a new job and that he would pay me the first half of what he owed by the end of the month. A part of me doubted him because he has a bad habit of saying that he would do something but would actually never do it. I was still hoping though that something would come through, so that I can put a dent on paying the car repair bill.
Well, the end of January came and went but no payment arrived. I gave him one more week to see if he would still mail me the payment or at least contact me to apologize for the delay or something. Nothing. So, I decided to email him. I didn’t want to leave a message on his cell phone because I know that he would act like he never got my message. I needed something in writing. My email to him was very brief but straight to the point. I stated on the email that I would appreciate it if he would pay me in full by 2/28/09. I even included my home address so he wouldn’t have any excuse that he didn’t know where to send it. I waited for a couple of days for his response. Again, nothing. I checked the status of the email and he deleted it on the same day that he received it. I was furious. He didn’t have the decency to at least apologize or explain to me why he didn’t send the payment. So, I sent him another email. It was actually a copy of the first one that I sent with an additional note that said, “I’m not asking for your money but I’m asking for mine back. Have some decency.” He called me but I missed it. He left a stern message that said, “You will get your money on the 28th. Don’t email me again.” I was mad but at the same time scared because he sounded like a psycho on the message. He tried to call me three more times that night and I didn’t answer. I called my best friend right away to let her know what’s going on just in case something happened to me.
So it is now March 2nd, and again, there’s no payment in sight.
I’m not a rich person. It’s not like he owes me twenty bucks and I’m making a big deal about it. He owes me five hundred. I didn’t demand for my money back right away when we broke up because I figured he still needed the money at that time. Well, I’m sort of in a financial bind right now. My position at work is on a limbo. My boss just got laid off last month, and I’m shaking in my boots every day not knowing if I would be let go too.
I’m torn about this because a part of me hates asking for payment back (now, it’s more like begging). I feel bad demanding it too because I don’t want to put more financial burden on him if he’s truly struggling. It’s like oppressing someone which is totally not in my nature.
I’ve talked to a priest about this (someone who doesn’t know us so he wouldn’t be biased). The priest advised me to try and get my money back. I wanted to talk to another priest who knows us both and who knows that we dated. I’m concerned though that the priest would take my ex’s side. He told quite a few people in my parish about his financial situation. So basically, if I ask anybody to help me get my money back, I would look like a money-hungry monster. I believe that if he has any intention of paying me, then he would’ve worked up some type of payment plan by now. If he had said that he could only pay me ten bucks a week and actually do it, then I would’ve accepted that. I cannot twist anybody’s arm into paying me more if that’s only that he could afford.
In the spirit of Lent, I’m really torn about this. There’s constant talk about forgiving someone. I’m having a hard time letting this go right now. If I were in his shoes, I would be more conscientious. I would do my best to pay even if it’s 5-10 bucks a week so that the other person would know that I’m making an effort to pay my obligation. If I were in his shoes, I would not let the other person feel like they have to beg for their money. I would think that if I try to withhold payment, then I’m putting a burden on them as well. I would also humble myself.
Nobody has treated me this way before. It’s sad because I wouldn’t do this to anyone. The worst part is that it hurts because it was done to my by someone who I once loved. I hate to think of myself as a dumb woman who let her boyfriend take advantage of her and who has no sense-of-judgement. It’ s not me. If you know him personally, you would feel compassionate about his situation too and you would do the same thing as I did. He’s not a random Joe Shmo who I took pity on. He was my boyfriend. He’s not a total jerk. He’s a Catholic. He claims he’s a pro-lifer. He attends mass every Sunday. He prays. He’s involved in a mission in our parish. That’s how we met in the first place. Aside from those good qualities,he also has some bad faults such as constantly lying and being financially irresponsible.
I’ve prayed for him constantly – novenas and all. It seems though the more I pray for him, the more he acts up.
What should I do? More importantly, what should a good Catholic person should do in this situation? I’d appreciate the (name removed by moderator)ut. Thank you.
In October of last year, I lent some money to my boyfriend at that time. He was in a real financial bind and I felt really bad for him. So I let him borrow five hundred dollars. He knows that it’s a loan, not a freebie.
At that time, it was money that was just sitting in my bank account for emergency use. Well a month later, we broke up and my car broke down twice! Needless to say, I racked up a huge car repair bill. I needed my money back but I couldn’t ask my ex for it because I figured he was still in a financial bind as well. I waited around Christmas to see if he would have a conscience and attempt to work out some payment plan with me, but nothing.
January came and I got a call from him. He said that he has a new job and that he would pay me the first half of what he owed by the end of the month. A part of me doubted him because he has a bad habit of saying that he would do something but would actually never do it. I was still hoping though that something would come through, so that I can put a dent on paying the car repair bill.
Well, the end of January came and went but no payment arrived. I gave him one more week to see if he would still mail me the payment or at least contact me to apologize for the delay or something. Nothing. So, I decided to email him. I didn’t want to leave a message on his cell phone because I know that he would act like he never got my message. I needed something in writing. My email to him was very brief but straight to the point. I stated on the email that I would appreciate it if he would pay me in full by 2/28/09. I even included my home address so he wouldn’t have any excuse that he didn’t know where to send it. I waited for a couple of days for his response. Again, nothing. I checked the status of the email and he deleted it on the same day that he received it. I was furious. He didn’t have the decency to at least apologize or explain to me why he didn’t send the payment. So, I sent him another email. It was actually a copy of the first one that I sent with an additional note that said, “I’m not asking for your money but I’m asking for mine back. Have some decency.” He called me but I missed it. He left a stern message that said, “You will get your money on the 28th. Don’t email me again.” I was mad but at the same time scared because he sounded like a psycho on the message. He tried to call me three more times that night and I didn’t answer. I called my best friend right away to let her know what’s going on just in case something happened to me.
So it is now March 2nd, and again, there’s no payment in sight.
I’m not a rich person. It’s not like he owes me twenty bucks and I’m making a big deal about it. He owes me five hundred. I didn’t demand for my money back right away when we broke up because I figured he still needed the money at that time. Well, I’m sort of in a financial bind right now. My position at work is on a limbo. My boss just got laid off last month, and I’m shaking in my boots every day not knowing if I would be let go too.
I’m torn about this because a part of me hates asking for payment back (now, it’s more like begging). I feel bad demanding it too because I don’t want to put more financial burden on him if he’s truly struggling. It’s like oppressing someone which is totally not in my nature.
I’ve talked to a priest about this (someone who doesn’t know us so he wouldn’t be biased). The priest advised me to try and get my money back. I wanted to talk to another priest who knows us both and who knows that we dated. I’m concerned though that the priest would take my ex’s side. He told quite a few people in my parish about his financial situation. So basically, if I ask anybody to help me get my money back, I would look like a money-hungry monster. I believe that if he has any intention of paying me, then he would’ve worked up some type of payment plan by now. If he had said that he could only pay me ten bucks a week and actually do it, then I would’ve accepted that. I cannot twist anybody’s arm into paying me more if that’s only that he could afford.
In the spirit of Lent, I’m really torn about this. There’s constant talk about forgiving someone. I’m having a hard time letting this go right now. If I were in his shoes, I would be more conscientious. I would do my best to pay even if it’s 5-10 bucks a week so that the other person would know that I’m making an effort to pay my obligation. If I were in his shoes, I would not let the other person feel like they have to beg for their money. I would think that if I try to withhold payment, then I’m putting a burden on them as well. I would also humble myself.
Nobody has treated me this way before. It’s sad because I wouldn’t do this to anyone. The worst part is that it hurts because it was done to my by someone who I once loved. I hate to think of myself as a dumb woman who let her boyfriend take advantage of her and who has no sense-of-judgement. It’ s not me. If you know him personally, you would feel compassionate about his situation too and you would do the same thing as I did. He’s not a random Joe Shmo who I took pity on. He was my boyfriend. He’s not a total jerk. He’s a Catholic. He claims he’s a pro-lifer. He attends mass every Sunday. He prays. He’s involved in a mission in our parish. That’s how we met in the first place. Aside from those good qualities,he also has some bad faults such as constantly lying and being financially irresponsible.
I’ve prayed for him constantly – novenas and all. It seems though the more I pray for him, the more he acts up.
What should I do? More importantly, what should a good Catholic person should do in this situation? I’d appreciate the (name removed by moderator)ut. Thank you.