Should interfaith marriage be discouraged?

[Vico]

Hello. I was at a church event and my friend from youth group and I were having a conversation on religion and the topic of interfaith marriage came up. We were talking about how interfaith marriage and even interfaith dating should be discouraged because there will be serious consequences in the marriage (Eastern Orthodox/Catholic marriage is exceptional). The children will most likely be confused about faith if both parties are not practicing Catholics and they might even abandon Catholicism later in their lives. I once saw a post that said: "How can you tell your children to go to church and teach them about the faith when your spouse has no affiliation with the faith and does not go to church. I can even relate to this issue as my cousin had an interfaith marriage with a hindu woman. They had 2 separate ceremonies: Catholic and Hindu. She promised to raise their child Catholic but she did not keep the promise. They divorced because of religious differences and their child does not have a religion; she bounces between houses and is exposed to Catholicism in her father’s side and Hinduism in her mother’s side.
However I did see an article in regards to interfaith marriages that said that the love between the couple should be favored over the concept of the children’s faith. But isn’t the primary goal of marriage to lead your spouse to Heaven?
What do you guys think?

The norm is for a Catholic to marry a Catholic, also only one celebration is allowed. Catholic canon law requires permission for a Catholic to marry a non-Catholic Christian (sacramental marriage) and a dispensation to marry a non-Christian (natural marriage). Also there must be specific promises made by the Catholic to not defect and to do all in power to raise the children in the Catholic faith and to inform the spouse of this.

 

[hwriggles4]

I’m just here to say my dad agreed with my mom to raise me Catholic. He took me to CCD and was there for my first holy communion and conformation. My dad is Presbaterian and has told me about his faith also. It can work now of course it’s not the same for all people but it can be done.

SilverLight:

My dad did the same. He is a practicing Methodist (has been all his life, and sings at church nearly every Sunday). In Los Angeles, he often drove my brother and I Saturday mornings to CCD and we were there as a family for first communions, confirmations, and I’m old enough to remember when my youngest brother was baptized. Sometimes, my dad would help our priest on outings when my brother and I were altar boys.

I said in my other post it can work, but there can be some challenges.

By the way, all my brothers attend Mass weekly to this day. Many people say if a father goes to church, the kids will follow.

 

[hwriggles4]

Mixed Marriages:

I do have friends who are in mixed marriages, even some Brother Knights. The Knights I know attend Mass on their own, without their spouse, and have for years. Sometimes, this can work. It’s worked for my own parents, even though once in a while my dad will come to Mass, and when he does he sings, respects the Eucharist, and says the prayers. My dad doesn’t have an attitude like “oh, when is this over” and “why is this priest talking about this subject?”

I also know couples where the non-Catholic spouse attends Mass weekly with the family. I respect these couples. Many do it out of respect for their spouse, and some attend to help the other parent with the children (particularly keeping order in the pew) and some non-Catholic spouses help out around the Church with things like fundraising and carpooling. These non-Catholics are also respectful of the Eucharist, and understand the teaching.

Seriously, mixed marriages (and even marriages where a practicing Catholic is married to a non-practicing Catholic or sometimes even a “one hour” Catholic) that I have seen fail are the ones where one spouse is critical of the other’s faith, and often degrades the other’s faith. (I don’t know how many times I have said that I would rather marry say, a Baptist who was strong in her faith than a “one hour Catholic”.) Marriages where one Catholic had a reversion story while the other Catholic partner did not often have struggles - I’ve seen a few of those too.

I also agree with the poster who said convert because you want to, not because you feel that you have to. Too many have gone through a watered down RCIA and after confirmation, rarely attend Mass. It’s not about the numbers.

Although it is implied, I don’t know if my post yesterday meant that some mixed marriages that I have seen fail are also ones where a practicing Catholic is married to a non-practicing Protestant, particularly if the non-practicing Protestant (or a non-practicing Catholic for that matter) is critical and degrading and mocking of the Catholic partner’s faith. The mixed marriages I have seen work is when the non-Catholic is respectful of the Catholic. My dad didn’t mind eating fish or tuna casserole on Friday for dinner during Lent, and to my knowledge, never complained about it.

 

[phil19034]

Although it is implied, I don’t know if my post yesterday meant that some mixed marriages that I have seen fail are also ones where a practicing Catholic is married to a non-practicing Protestant, particularly if the non-practicing Protestant (or a non-practicing Catholic for that matter) is critical and degrading and mocking of the Catholic partner’s faith. The mixed marriages I have seen work is when the non-Catholic is respectful of the Catholic. My dad didn’t mind eating fish or tuna casserole on Friday for dinner during Lent, and to my knowledge, never complained about it.

Yes, this is very true. In my situation, my wife is not respectful of my Faith nor the Catholic Church. She sometimes mocks me or the Church’s teachings.

I think the key is my previous post… If they can accept and respect the social/religious teaching I listed, then most likely an mixed or interfaith marriage can work. But if they don’t respect the list, it will be hard (not impossible, but hard).

 

[SilverLight]

It can work. But as you say here, your dad agreed with your mom to raise you Catholic and he stuck with it.

However, if your dad one day decided to change his mind because he was so devout in his Presbyterian faith that he feared for your soul by attending the Catholic Church, then there would have been a problem.

The point is: some people (like me) grow in their faith as they age. Others do not. I’m not judging anyone, it’s just fact. I personally learned more about the Catholic Faith and became devout.

I am still respecting my agreement with my wife, but it’s very hard. Not being able to baptize my kids, pray the rosary with them, attend mass as a family, etc all tugs at my heart. And in my case, it’s not that I’m some judgmental Catholic, I am not. But it is the fact that orthodox Catholics run against the grain of secular society. An orthodox Catholic believes in the following, which secular society rejects:

• Missing Sunday Mass is a mortal/grave sin
• Real Presence of Christ in the Eucharist
• That Contraception is immoral and is a grave/mortal sin
• That Abortion and Euthanasia are always evil
• Dogma of Papal Infallibility
• IVF is immoral, goes against nature and is a grave/mortal sin
• That Premarital Sex (fornication) and masturbation are immoral and a grave/mortal sin (belief in chastity)
• The Dogma of the Immaculate Conception
• The Sacrament of Holy Orders & the fact that it is reserved for men only
• Homosexual ACTS are grave/mortal sins but that the individual people must be treated with respect and charity (aka: love the sinner but hate the sin)
• That the divorced and remarried (without an annulment) are committing adultery

Not to mention the fact that in interfaith marriages, the Catholic believes that Jesus Christ is God, other non-Christian spouse does not.

If the Catholic spouse believes in these infallible teachings 100%, and the other spouse is **adamantly **opposed to some or all of them, it will most likely cause major **difficulties **in the marriage. A devout, orthodox Catholic cannot compromise on these issues without violating his/her conscience. For mixed marriages or interfaith marriages to TRULY work, either the Catholic is not committed to everything the Church teaches, or the non-Catholic is not adamantly opposed to the what the Church teaches.

So if these major difficulties exist, then the marriage will only survive if the couple is willing to work hard and fight for their marriage. Or if one of them decides that the marriage is more important than their faith…

God Bless

I will be honest here. It’s because some of the stuff on that list that I’m getting farther and farther away from the church each year. I don’t feel like I can judge someone for those things because well I’m not God. I’m a human just like a priest or nun is. I don’t care if someone is gay and my cousin is and I could care less that he is. People seem to like me more because im not so harsh and I’m more accepting of who they are instead of making them feel like a failure in life. I know someone who was hurt by someone who was devout and I saw what it did to them.

 

[Miss_Felicity]

I don’t think it should be a matter of discouraging interfaith marriage, I think it should be encouraging couples to consider what is important to them and look critically at the long run of marriage. Encourage couples to take into consideration the good, bad, and ugly times and what they perceive they will need, want and desire in a spouse. This should start happening when a couple starts to become serious enough where marriage is a consideration instead of when a formal engagement has happened so these considerations are a process of conversations, and considerations and not just a jumble at the end. I don’t think it’s realistic to boil down the unique needs of every couple and say same religion = compatible.

 

[mek42]

Even if two non-practicings of the same faith get married, the reversion problem still exists if one remains bitter.

But a non-practicing is unlikely to heed interfaith marriage advice in the first place.

Reading the reversion marital discord threads always makes me sad.

 

[SilverLight]

I personally wouldn’t encourage it. A Catholic would understand you better than a non-Catholic. I made the mistake of (invalidly) marrying an atheist in the past and his family had a bitter view of Catholicism.

My advise after my annulment? Don’t make the same mistake. There are plenty of Catholic fishes in the sea.

Some of those Catholic fishes are more extream then me about religion and scare me a little.

 

[SilverLight]

SilverLight:

My dad did the same. He is a practicing Methodist (has been all his life, and sings at church nearly every Sunday). In Los Angeles, he often drove my brother and I Saturday mornings to CCD and we were there as a family for first communions, confirmations, and I’m old enough to remember when my youngest brother was baptized. Sometimes, my dad would help our priest on outings when my brother and I were altar boys.

I said in my other post it can work, but there can be some challenges.

By the way, all my brothers attend Mass weekly to this day. Many people say if a father goes to church, the kids will follow.

There seem to be challenges in most marriages anyway. You just have to find a common ground or compromise a little if you can. My dad does not go to church in his faith but has always been there for my religious ceremonies and at all holiday masses. He and my mother both belive that children need religion for a good back bone of sorts when growing up.

 

[phil19034]

I will be honest here. It’s because some of the stuff on that list that I’m getting farther and farther away from the church each year. I don’t feel like I can judge someone for those things because well I’m not God. I’m a human just like a priest or nun is. I don’t care if someone is gay and my cousin is and I could care less that he is. People seem to like me more because im not so harsh and I’m more accepting of who they are instead of making them feel like a failure in life. I know someone who was hurt by someone who was devout and I saw what it did to them.

Silverlight - A devout Catholic who is true to the teachings of the Church should not be judging any people. We may judge actions or behaviors, but we love the sinner. The Catholic Church has never declared anyone to be in hell. We teach that certain actions are immoral or evil, but we never declare that the person doing objectively immoral or evil acts are subjectively evil themselves.

A gay person should be treated with the utmost respect. That doesn’t mean we have to condone same-sex marriage, nor same sex actions; but we must respect the fact that they are God’s children too. People with same sex marriage have a cross to bare, just like hetrosexual couples who are tempted by porn, adultery, etc. We do not hate the sinner, we do hate the sin.

When I was growing up in the 80s, we were taught the concept of “love the sinner but hate the sin.” But for some reason, this is a concept that many Christians have a hard time understanding or excepting today. Perhaps it’s because a large % of people today commit or committed acts of fornication, adultery & heterosexual sodomy. Perhaps, because we do this sins, we are willing to judge the ACTIONs of others because don’t want people judging our ACTIONS?

In regards to list: an orthodox Catholic is going to want to live their life that way, not judge others for not living that way. But in order for the Catholic to life that live, the spouse must agree (at least on some of them). For example: if you believe contraception is morally wrong, but you spouse want to contracept; then their is a major conflict there. If you find out that you are going to have a child with birth defects and believe that abortion isn’t an option, but you spouse wants to abort, then you will have major conflict.

The list isn’t about judging others… it’s about living a Catholic life with your spouse. If you can life a Catholic life the way your conscience is telling you with a non-Catholic, then great. But if you can’t… then you will be in conflict with your spouse and conscience; which isn’t a good way to live. And the truth is, this doesn’t have to be about Catholics either… If your spouse is a white collar criminal and your conscience tells you the money should not be used for the family, what do you do?

 

[Vico]

… The Catholic Church has never declared anyone to be in hell. …

Matthew 8
11 I tell you, many will come from east and west and sit at table with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven, 12 while the sons of the kingdom will be thrown into the outer darkness; there men will weep and gnash their teeth.”

 

[chevalier]

Without the benefit of reading previous posts (need to leaving in minutes) — yes, interfaith marriage should be discouraged. In fact, it already is discouraged. Saint Paul amply discourages it in the Scripture, and the Church requires a dispensation from the local bishop for anyone who wants to enter into that kind of marriage.

And for good reason — not like it’s up to a layman-like-me’s reason to validate the decisions of bishops. The challenges would be enormous. Please note that one of the parties would be required to essentially watch his or her children being brought in a different faith and abstain from teaching them that parent’s faith. Then what if that child started asking questions of that ‘passive’ parent? It would be an impossible situation for me as a Catholic to be in, not to mention that’s not agreeable with Catholic morality.

How far can you compromise in a marriage of two people who each follow a religion that requires them to bring the children in their own faith? That aside, how can one just simply sit by as his or her children are taught what one believes to be false doctrine or false facts?

And obviously one can’t make a mixed salad of it. One can’t be a Catholic and a Protestant at the same time.

It feels romantic in theory, but consider the practice.

Exceptions happen, for example one could a Protestant who didn’t oppose the bringing up of the children in the Catholic faith, but don’t count too much on it, especially with the more established, more structured religions.