Should sleepover guests be allowed?

[lbrandvold]

Hi. I should first of all point out that I am not Catholic, although I have friends who are and am open to many beliefs and opinions.

I am a student at a university, living on campus. I was supposed to have a roommate, but the situation did not work out and I now have a single room. I have been waiting for the housing directors here to place me with a roommate. Yesterday, while in my room, a girl knocked on the door and said that she had been placed as my roommate and wanted to meet me. We seemed to hit it off well, and I think we would get along great. However, she said she is very old-fashioned and a traditional Catholic. She said that her one rule would be that no boys would be allowed to stay over at night. I totally respect this personal choice that she has made. But I feel that her religion is not mine, and I don’t understand how it would be considered a sin for her if I had someone stay over.

I am in no way the type of person who would have random guys over, or to disrespect her by doing inappropriate things while she is sleeping. I have had one boyfriend for three-and-a-half years. He lives quite a distance from me and it is inconvenient for him not to stay the night when he visits. I suggested that he be allowed to sleep on the floor in a sleeping bag, or that she could get to know him and be comfortable with him first so that it is not an awkward situation. Both my boyfriend and I are very respectuful, kind people and would never want to make someone feel uncomfortable. But I have a problem with this rule, and even though I suggested these compromises, she was unmoving with her answer. I know that ultimately, if it does not work out, I can simply find a new roommate. But I really like her and want this to work.

I don’t know a lot about the Catholic faith, and I am curious to hear any opinions or beliefs regarding this situation.

 

[Michelle_Arnold]

From your report, it sounds as if you have a few options:

1. If this is your potential roommate’s one, non-negotiable rule, you could simply accept it in return for a concession from her for a non-negotiable rule of your own. Then let your boyfriend know that he’ll have to make other arrangements for lodging while he is in town. (If he can afford to visit you, he can afford a cheapo motel room for the night. If it makes you feel better, you could offer to share the expense with him.)

2. You could try one last attempt at compromise. Emphasize that you would like to find a mutually satisfactory means by which your boyfriend can visit you. Your offer to put him in a sleeping bag on the floor and to refrain from any sexual activity in your dorm room is quite reasonable. If the sleeping spaces are open, in such a manner that she would have to be in her nightclothes in front of him, you might also offer to put up a room divider with clothesline and extra sheets to ensure her privacy.

3. Strictly speaking, the room is also your own and you have the right to entertain guests in your home (assuming that the university’s dormitory rules allow for sleepover guests). If she is unwilling to compromise on separate sleeping arrangements for your boyfriend, such as the sleeping bag and room divider, then you could decide it better to end the roommate situation now. If it is done in as tactful and cheerful a manner as possible, you may be able to remain friends with her.