Should we move so I can work less?

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Struggling_mom

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Hi, I am a mom to 4 young children. I am currently on maternity leave for my youngest who was born in February. As the date of my return to work edges closer, I am becoming more and more anxious and distraught at the thought of going back. Unfortunately, I am the breadwinner for our family and make 5x as much as my husband. I am able to work from home so I do still see my children more than most full time working Moms. However, there are many downsides. My job is very demanding and stressful, I rarely get enough sleep (as working late into the night is the norm since I can’t possibly do it all during the day) and our house falls into disarray as I can’t keep up with all the chores and my husband is not good at keeping up the home. My husband started a new job about 8 months ago with the hope that he would pick up enough clients that I could at least work part time however he’s now making even less than before and my hope of working part time seems even less achievable than ever! Long story short, I’m thinking that moving may be our only option to obtain a more stable, peaceful and functional lifestyle for our family and children. We live in SoCal and with the equity We have in our home we could easily buy a larger home in a cheaper state. We’re thinking Texas, Arizona or Nevada. I would appreciate any suggestions on good catholic communities in those states. Thanks for reading this far and if you have any suggestions or thoughts on our family situation please feel free to share. I’m honestly lost over what is best for us and will listen to any advice I can get.
 
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What would the job market look like for your husband in those places?

Do you need a larger house? If keeping your current house tidy now is a problem, keeping a bigger house tidy will just be more work.

Moving to a less expensive place makes sense but if you increase your standard of living to the point of having to pay the same amount you pay currently you haven’t solved anything.
 
Horton said:
Do you need a larger house? If keeping your current house tidy now is a problem, keeping a bigger house tidy will just be more work.
Click to expand...
Sometimes a too small house is the reason for the mess. 😉 No place to put things.

OP, I would seriously consider moving if I were you, if both you and your husband could find jobs that would allow you to work part time perhaps so you have more of a home life to do what you need to do. You do live in an expensive place.
 
Thanks for your reply. We would be able to pay cash in a cheaper area with the equity we currently have in our home. As we bought our home when the market was low, there is nothing around us even close to the original price we paid so finding something cheaper here is not an option. We’d probably buy a similarly sized house - I’m not concerned about having something bigger or better. This would eliminate our nearly $3K mortgage as well as lower other living expenses and taxes (which are crazy in CA) and allow me to work part time - that’s all I really want - more time to be a mother to my children. It’s not about the clean house - I could hire a maid for that. It’s about days being completely chaotic because my husband has to carry the load at home and with the kids and it’s too much for him (which I totally understand). On days when I’m home and he’s working, things are great. My husband can get a job pretty easily in any of those areas so that is not a problem. However, we would be moving away from our families. This would be hard but due to their own situations we don’t see them too much anyway and I think I need to think about what’s best for my children first. I guess I’m really just struggle with knowing what will be best for our family and what God’s will for us is. Also hoping that hearing about Catholic communities in those areas will help me decipher if there’s someplace God is leading us to or if we’re meant to stay here. Sorry for the rambling!
 
It’s not a ramble at all. 🙂

When my kids were small we moved every year of my daughters first 5 years of life. We were 9 hours, 2 1/2 hours and now 7 hours away from our family over the years. Every vacation we took was back to our families. Looking back, we shouldn’t have done that 2x a year, but we did.

The bottom line is yes, do what is best for your children. If your extended family wants to see you, they will. It sounds like you really have a plan in your mind already that would work. I think that when God lays all of these opportunities at our feet, that is what he wants for us. I don’t believe his will is for you to spend your money on high taxes and inflated home prices. If you can sell and move to somewhere and buy with cash and no mortgage, that is an enormous opportunity and blessing.
 
Thank you so much for your kind thoughts. I love what you say about God presenting opportunities to us to show us his plan for us. This is a beautiful way to look at it.
 
Allow me to put another spin on this decision.

Southern California is a TERRIBLE PLACE to raise children! Godless, liberal policies abound, along with horrible political policies (e.g.m gentrification raising the cost of a home so high that a regular family can’t afford even an apartment). These foolish policies have created large populations of homeless in the big cities while the ultra-rich live in safe, gated homes with the homeless living outside their gates.

Move to a state that still honors the family. Texas is a great place to raise a family, although it’s way too hot for me! We know people who live in Nevada, and other than the gambling, it seems pretty decent. Don’t know much about Arizona.

You sound like you are committed to HOT states. Why not try the Dakotas? And look into Iowa–so many good things going on there (although my husband hates their system of political caucuses!). If we had young children, we would move out of Illinois and move to Iowa–the only reason we don’t move now (we are in our 60s) is family–my husband’s ailing parents depend on us, and I have only one brother left and do not want to be so far away from him–we are buddies!

There’s something about making it through a hard winter every year that builds character in children! Plus, they have the opportunity to do winter sports like ice skating, hockey, and sledding. We know families who have built actual skating rinks in their backyards and have a house party going all winter long–we always wanted to do this, but…we preferred the indoor rinks!

Just make sure you pick a state that allows you to raise your children with minimal interference from the State. And make sure the schools are decent–many states have such low scores that IMO, they may as well close their schools and save the taxpayers some money.

And AVOID iLLINOIS! We are virtually broke due to a very foolish amendment that was added to our State Constitution back in the 1970s that does not allow a reduction in the pensions of state workers. Our state is very close to having the federal government take over. And most of our tax money seems to go to Chicago, which has the bulk of our population. Other than that, it’s the most beautiful state in the Union, IMHO, with a dazzling history, and the richest topsoil in the world! But don’t move here. Move to Iowa next door and visit us often!

Good for you for researching what is best for your family instead of just slogging on!
 
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Uhhh…keep in mind, you won’t be moving soon…were in a pandemic!

When its over, who knows what things will cost? The economy is bound to take quite a beating. Or, at least, a change. With a new baby coming soon, I wouldn’t be making any plans you can’t easily get out of!

I pray your family does well. God Bless!
 
As someone who is now a widow with an adult son, remember that one of the greatest gifts you can give your children is a solid financial future for yourself and your spouse. When the economy is uncertain, those of us working would be well advised to keep working and to be wise with our $$.

Right now, the real estate market is very much a buyers market.

Your mortgage is only 3K? Pay that puppy off so you own your home. This will facilitate moving when you have a solid plan.

I was the working mom who worked long hours and made much more than my husband. Thank heavens he was a great SAHD, so, I did not have to worry.
 
Thanks for all of responses! I’m so surprised at how many people have taken the time to read and reply to my post.

I agree about financial stability and that’s one of my struggles for sure because right now we are in a really good financial position and able to save money each month. Also my mortgage is $3K per month so definitely not something we could pay off easily. But I do think that if we moved, I could work part time and hopefully still be able to save money.

Peeps, you make a good point about CA. Definitely not a good place to raise conservative Catholic children. We send our kids to Catholic school. We can’t homeschool because we both work and public school is not an option for me because of the liberal propaganda they push even to young children here. It’s awful! If we lived in a more conservative state, we might be able to send them to public school and save money there as well.

Thank you all for your thoughts!
 
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