Should you set boundaries with “nosy” strangers?

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Rozellelily

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Occasionally when I meet someone for the first time and tell them where I live (a nice suburb but not super rich or anything) they will then outright then straight ask me questions like are you renting or owning,how much did you pay for your house,even how much deposit did I pay to the bank etc…

Most of this is small talk,I understand, and I usually end up answering them straightly/honestly because:

1.i hate small talk at the best of times
2.i understand they are likely just asking from their own curiosity because they would like to buy a home in that area etc

At the same time I can’t help feel it a bit invasive and like I don’t need to be telling random person I just met all this.
I don’t like to be unpleasant etc so I never feel comfortable to say to the person that this is personal.

How do/would you respond to these questions or do you think it is just ok question and I am overreacting?
 
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If there is something you don’t feel comfortable about answering then don’t.
 
You are worried about sounding rude so you feel you should answer rude and inappropriate questions?
 
Learn to deflect questions or change the subject.

Hopefully it’s rare a stranger would be that interested.
 
No ruder than them asking you things like that to begin with. But you can answer politely and change the subject without giving out any private information.
 
I’ve always heard a great way to respond to inappropriate questions is “why do you ask”. It prompts the person to think about whether they should be asking the question or not.
 
I feel if I said “arn’t you curious” to a person who’s asking me these direct questions I will seem like being unfriendly/a jerk.
I guess part of the problem is caring too much what they think of me when i shouldn’t.
 
Rozellelily said:
Occasionally when I meet someone for the first time and tell them where I live
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When I first meet people, I do not go into that level of detail. It is more “I live in the city” or “I live out in the county”. Have never had a just introduced person ask the level of detail you describe, I’d likely respond “If you are looking to relocate to Smallville, I know a good real estate agent”
 
Rozellelily said:
i hate small talk at the best of times
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Why exactly?
Rozellelily said:
How do/would you respond to these questions or do you think it is just ok question and I am overreacting?
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Yeah, you’re overreacting a bit here. There’s really no need to discuss specific figures or information. Simply use ball park figures or other homes that have sold in your neighborhood. Or don’t say where you live.
 
Cruciferi said:
hate small talk at the best of times
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For some reason-rightly or wrongly-I associate small talk as being “fake talk” which waters down personalities and as a barrier to people knowing each other.

I like conversations to be sincere and natural and not some forced talk about the weather etc to fill in silences.

In my background when ask someone how they are it’s ok to say good,bad,half half etc-I genuinely want to know if I ask you the question
  • but with some people and “small talk” it’s like it’s just all scripted polite sayings with the expectation to just say good without much thought etc…
Cruciferi said:
Or don’t say where you live.
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In some cases it’s unavoidable because they already know without me mentioning first because I have to write it down such as when at pathology centres,medical centres,beauty salon etc…

It’s been in those types of settings that I have had these questions “come at me”.
 
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Rozellelily said:
Most of this is small talk,I understand, and I usually end up answering them straightly/honestly because:

1.i hate small talk at the best of times
2.i understand they are likely just asking from their own curiosity …
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If you are like me it could be you dislike small talk because you are a private person, at least that is me.

I don’t have people ask me about my home price but I do have two other situations in my life regarding my work where people ask certain questions that are just done out of curiosity. I don’t want to answer these questions nor do I feel I should have to answer.

I finally decided from now on to be prepared and just have a quick ready answer, that is friendly but not revealing either.
 
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For me,I’m probably not as private as I should be.🤔

I think why I don’t like the questions too is that I’m a bit annoyed at the assumption a stranger would make that they would just ask all this without an inch of tact or subtlety and with full expectation of me telling them and also I think then it might then possibly open that door of jealousy that some people have when relating with each other eg:”my house is better/bigger than yours” and I’m not materialistic and not interested in these kinds of “comparing” relationships.

If they were a bit subtle and said something like “I like that area but don’t know the going price or if we can afford it” etc then I might have offered the information but when the person outright direct says “what did you pay,how much deposit did you put down” I’m a bit like huh?
 
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Isn’t it rude of them to request information that is innappropriate?
 
Just change the subject as smoothly as you can. If they notice they’ll probably understand and let it go.
 
I can’t imagine why anyone would want this information. I mean if you live in a nice area of town, but really nothing special, who cares how much it costs. Most people know the approximate values of the different areas in their communities.

I live in a large beautiful home in the country on some acreage. So do most of my friends, either in the same area as I do or in similar areas. Never once has anyone asked me how much my house costs or how it was paid for.

When people ask you, tell them it’s none of their business.
 
If my parents had been asked such questions, they would have looked at the questioner as if they had asked about bedroom habits. Such questions used to be the height of rudeness.
I’d just say you could recommend a good real estate agent if they want to look into it. I would not answer how much your house cost or how much you deposited. For one thing, that info is useless, as it depends on other factors besides the price of the home, such as your credit, the interest rate, etc etc.
 
I think the area where I live is perceived as having good schools with good educations.
As I don’t have children I’m not aware of how it all works but I think to send kids to certain public(?) schools their home address has to fall within a certain catchment, so some families strong desire to “break into the areas property market” for that has driven up the nicest house prices here into the millions
(not my house😜).
Also,it has a reputation as a very safe area unlike even approx 10 kilometers which has a lower safety reputation due to crime from being low socioeconomic area.

Also adding into that is the general property market of the state I live in has become very expensive and a lot of people have needed to buy apartments instead because houses became unaffordable to many people due to high demand > supply and foreign investors buying houses.
 
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I think that’s a great way to answer.
I think because I was/am caught so off guard by these very direct questioning and their face looking happy and waiting expectantly for my answer that I didn’t have the “mental space” to think to say that.
 
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