Show the other cheek OR Justify yourself?

  • Thread starter Thread starter jossebastian
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
J

jossebastian

Guest
I do not know how to address this without offending God. Hence this question.

At work, I have a former subordinate whom I mentored and elevated. After a few years, that person began to take steps to undermine me, and ventured into a Power-Grab mode. Over the course of a year, out of the 5 key responsibilities I held (in all of which I had awards for best performance) that person essentially grabbed 3, and also coerced my superior to have that person report to my superior directly. I not only accepted the responsibility shift, but also actively helped the person as that person lacked experience doing it. After helping too, there were negative reports sent to my superior with false accusations. Now the person is attempting to grab my 4th responsibility. I am fed up at this point.

Now the main question: The only way I can counter the false accusations is to expose the whole truth and strategy of the person. Which implies accusing the person of actual wrongdoing.

As Catholic, I am at loss as to what to do? If following “Show the other cheek”, I not only suffer, but will also be complacent/allow this behavior. On the other hand, since there is a statement to not falsely accuse anyone, I am not aware of any objection to non-false accusation. By taking that stand, I can justify myself and close this issue. That is what I did too. But that would not be an act out of love. And in my mind, what I did is not right either. I do not know whether it would be a sin.

If anyone could shed some light on correct moral behavior, and what correction I should do, please help.
 
The other person is in the wrong and you are protecting what is rightfully yours. Nothing wrong in that. That is why we have courts of law, to settle a person’s rights.

You are protecting what is yours so that is perfectly ok.

However, if you can present your case without anger, it will have a better effect. Just present the facts and let them speak for themselves.

You already have evidence that you are being swindled, so to protect your earned property or rights, let the facts show the truth even if he gets a blackeye so to speak. And if he did this to you, then it isn’t far fectched to wonder if he won’t do it to the company as well. They need to be aware of this.

Just one caveat, if he is “in” with the boss, this might be a tough issue to negotiate.

May our Father bless you.
 
jossebastian said:
I do not know how to address this without offending God. Hence this question.

At work, I have a former subordinate whom I mentored and elevated. After a few years, that person began to take steps to undermine me, and ventured into a Power-Grab mode. Over the course of a year, out of the 5 key responsibilities I held (in all of which I had awards for best performance) that person essentially grabbed 3, and also coerced my superior to have that person report to my superior directly. I not only accepted the responsibility shift, but also actively helped the person as that person lacked experience doing it. After helping too, there were negative reports sent to my superior with false accusations. Now the person is attempting to grab my 4th responsibility. I am fed up at this point.

Now the main question: The only way I can counter the false accusations is to expose the whole truth and strategy of the person. Which implies accusing the person of actual wrongdoing.

As Catholic, I am at loss as to what to do? If following “Show the other cheek”, I not only suffer, but will also be complacent/allow this behavior. On the other hand, since there is a statement to not falsely accuse anyone, I am not aware of any objection to non-false accusation. By taking that stand, I can justify myself and close this issue. That is what I did too. But that would not be an act out of love. And in my mind, what I did is not right either. I do not know whether it would be a sin.

If anyone could shed some light on correct moral behavior, and what correction I should do, please help.
Click to expand...
I want to focus on this clause: “By taking that stand, I can justify myself and close this issue. … But that would not be an act out of love.”

It seems to me that you can defend yourself and still be acting out of love. Perhaps one way of making this clearer would be for you to not phrase your report as an accusation. On a forum, it may seem fine to say “that person…grabbed…coerced…[and had] reports sent…with false accusations.” But in a report to your superior, I think you could modify that language in order not to accuse the person.

In your report, say what happened to you, and ask your superior if it all looks above-board to him, or say that something about it seemed off to you, and what does he think. But phrase that in such a way that you make it clear that you are trying to express your impression without accusing anybody, because you have incomplete knowledge and just aren’t sure if this is all okay.

Defending yourself is an act of love. Telling the truth is also an act of love. Rebuking the sinner, yes, even that is an act of love, it’s one of the spiritual works of mercy. (Look it up if you don’t believe me. Our Church says that rebuking someone can be an act of mercy.)

If you have unloving motives toward this person, those need to be purged, but telling your boss what happened is not itself contrary to love.

**EDIT :: I just realized that the statement “Telling the truth is also an act of love” can be misinterpreted. Sometimes people disclose something that, while true, is not necessary to reveal, and can in fact harm another person unjustly. A classic example comes from the time period when being born out of wedlock carried a stigma. In that time period, you wouldn’t/shouldn’t go around telling people that somebody was born out of wedlock. Yes, it may be true, but it’s not an act of love to disclose that unnecessarily. Gossip is another example – some gossip is true, but telling it for fun harms peoples’ reputations without just cause. So also, the Church says, “detraction [is when someone], without objectively valid reason, discloses another’s faults and failings to persons who did not know them.” (CCC 2477) But what you are describing is not detraction, because you do have good reason to tell your boss what is happening.
 
That’s a tough one. What can you do to show your love for the person who is figuratively stabbing you in the back? In some situations, it is possible to discover the loving response by imagining it is your son or daughter and how you would try to turn him/her away from evil. In some situations, you might point out how their behavior is harming others or how likely it is to harm them either in the present or the future. Can you see any way to work that angle? Maybe talk with your protégé about the importance of cultivating good working relationships. I don’t know if that will work. Do you have any other ideas?
 
It’s not charitable to empower the person in their unjust and immoral behavior.
You’re not doing their soul or nature the least good by letting them get away with it.
Letting them also means you are allowing them to use such tactics on other innocent people.
Maybe it’s too late and the superior won’t take your word, but you need to at least try.
I hope you succeed and that the person maybe learns evil and immoral, and even sociopathic behavior is not acceptable.
 
If you spoke to this person and kept it between yourselves, what would you say?
 
Thanks a lot for all your responses.

acadiANNA: I tried talking to the person several times in the last 1 year. The person then apologizes to me and subsequently repeats the same thing.

Beryllos: I haven’t tried to educate the person on how much they could hurt someone. But I did mention how much it hurt me. Before letting anyone know, we must give opportunity for the one making the mistake to repent. As I mentioned earlier, the person then apologizes to me and subsequently repeats the same thing.

Thank you all. I could gauge my response with your opinion; found where I erred. I still feel that by justifying myself I might have spilled over to borderline-accusation. And that from my end, was not right. Thank you all for the insight.
 
jossebastian said:
…
Beryllos: I haven’t tried to educate the person on how much they could hurt someone. But I did mention how much it hurt me. Before letting anyone know, we must give opportunity for the one making the mistake to repent. As I mentioned earlier, the person then apologizes to me and subsequently repeats the same thing.
…
Click to expand...
Yes, that’s a problem. Keep an open mind about what to do. Besides education (or fraternal correction), there may be other ways to respond to this threat with love. I don’t know what that might be, but think and pray about it. If no alternatives come to you, then it seems reasonable to bear witness to the truth but do so with love as much as possible.

:gopray2: In this matter, may the Holy Spirit assist and guide you, and also the one who is working against you, so that all might come closer to a right relationship with God and one other.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top