Shy and Retiring at RCIA

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Statius

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So, I’ve been a lurker on these forums for a few weeks now, but this will be my first post. Up until very recently, a couple of months ago in fact, I’d been non-Christian. In fact, I was a neopagan for around five years. I have also, however, been a religious studies student, as an undergraduate and now as a Masters student, for the past few years, studying Christianity as well as other religions.

A failed relationship has lead me to a reassessment of my life. I picked up the Bible, more out of curiosity as a desire for something else to read than out of a conscious religious impulse. The Sermon on the Mount caught my attention just before Christmas, but it wasn’t until the beginning of February that I picked up a set of rosary beads and began to pray the rosary, something I find very helpful.

I’ve been attending Mass each week since then, and the priest suggested I attend the church’s RCIA meetings, which I have been doing.

The trouble is I find myself being very quiet during the group discussions. I rarely have anything to say. I that, although I know quite a lot about religion in general, and a reasonable amount about Roman Catholicism, I know all the wrong things. I know bits of theology and facts about liturgy and Church Fathers for instance, but when it comes to reading the gospels in a devotional context and trying to apply the truths of Christianity to our lives, I am at a loss. It’s all new, and I’m unused to being aware of knowing so little, and it’s very hard for me to put down the academic tools I’ve learned and approach God honestly, openly and without preconceptions. I’m also unused to the sort of discussions we have, and I feel very self conscious talking about religious belief with others.

I do like the meetings, and it is good to be in the company of such good, insightful people. I think it is beneficial for me to be there, but I do worry that, keeping quiet as I do, they think I’m rather standoffish.

Does anyone have any advice for me, please?
 
First I would suggest that they may not think you are standoffish or anything negative. That may be you projecting based on your discomfort. They were all new once, showing up for the first time, and certainly understand being reticent in a group. Perhaps in your “small group” time you could say, “Until I’m a little more comfortable sharing, I think I’ll just listen.”

Perhaps too you could cultivate a friendship or two outside of the RCIA time-- sit at Mass with some of them, suggest lunch afterwards, etc. Shared experience does lead to more trust and open discussion.

Don’t feel bad about what you don’t know. That is why you are there!!!

Sharing in small groups isn’t for everyone, so don’t beat yourself up about it!
 
Statius, I smiled gently when I read your post. God bless you for your humility and for the call you have responded to, His call to you to live the gospel life with fellow Catholics.

All those valuable academic tools you have honed, all your knowledge of theology and liturgy, and the Church Fathers will remain valuable and useful

If they appear not to be in your present situation, that is because you are making the journey of faith from the head to the heart! You are beginning to develop relationship with God, and relationship with the community will grow.

It’s okay if you’re quiet and retiring at the RCIA meetings…the others may only think you have quiet secret wisdom…and so you do! Many of them won’t have your depth of knowledge!

But for now, you are quietly learning to find the life in the gospels and in the teachings of the Church, and to observe others as they grow in faith and love…as will you, even if quietly.
People accept that some of us are more reserved than others in various circumstances, especially when the experiences and perspectives are unfamiliar. People are inclined to accept us as we appear.

I used to be the quietest one…but ask anyone in CAF! I seldom stop talking now.

I’ll keep you in my prayers.

Warm regards, Trishie

And welcome! 🙂
 
hi statius
welcome to CAF and WELCOME to the catholic faith!!
up until now you have been studying religions, getting to know their ins and outs.
now you are on a path of getting to know God.
in your silence in the class listen to God speaking to you thru the voice of the others in the class. yes, RCIA is going to teach you the “rules” of the catholic church, but you also need to learn how to communicate with God. so far you have responded well, you are in RCIA after all 👍
 
Dear Statius - for a first post you did very well indeed!

I will say I WISH I were at your table. I never met a stranger EVER, and we could have a wonderful conversation about our journey to the Church. Trust that there is someone in that class that will want to get to know you and don’t be afraid of meeting new people at Class. The first time I attended Mass at my parish I did not know anyone. Now I know about 50 people from RCIA.

One thing I did was sit in different places on different weeks. Also, smile, and don’t be afraid to speak up. From your post, I think you have a lot to contribute. Now, I am quiet at RCIA, but that is because i want people who are afraid to speak up FIRST, and if I speak up all the time people will let me be a spokesman for them, when THEY need to speak up.

Also, I will pray you will have a wonderful sponsor!
 
Statius said:
So, I’ve been a lurker on these forums for a few weeks… .

Does anyone have any advice for me, please?
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From my experience teaching RCIA, I would say communication is the fundamentals of any class so you should communicate. We often speak of the guy who privately told the RCIA Leader " I will only attend if you do not call on me or embarrass me in any way" The leader told the team and they did not call on him. He then sat quietly all year, until Easter Vigil when he entered the Church. He is a very good catholic to this day, which is several years later. Maybe your communication should be different as “ I am not ready yet” or “I need more time before I join a discussion”. But whatever it is, communicate it. It is boring to sit for an hour and half listening to one monotone teacher reading and talking with no feedback of any kind. If you sit in a class that ends with “I am glad we had this good discussion today and we will add today’s subject back to list as we really never discussed it much” now that is a better class to be a part of.
 
don’t worry about what others think.

In one of my former RCIA groups, one participant rarely spoke for several months. By Easter, she was asking and sharing quite a lot! After Easter, she continued to participate.

Every person is in a different place in their faith journeys. Just allow yourself to soak up the knowledge of the faith, and become gradually more disciplined in prayer, to help you seek and encounter God. We also see God in others; get involved in an outreach, if you possibly can, such as serving in the soup kitchen.
 
Thank you very much for your heartening replies!

I’m going to try to speak up a little in the small groups at the next session on Tuesday - hopefully the subject will be something I can find something to say about! I think it probably is a matter of confidence as much as anything. I’ll be sure to let you know how I’m going on 🙂
 
I smiled a bit reading this. Boy can I relate to what you’re going through.

My advice is just hang in there. Your RCIA director’s job is to meet you where you are, and his/her team know that.

It wouldn’t hurt to look around and consider who might be a good sponsor. There’s going to be a gap between the end of this year’s classes and the start of next year’s classes and you might want a sounding board. I asked a guy to sponsor me after about a month of hesitance and that was a good decision for me.

In the meantime get used to the people around you and try to get a feeling for the community. That took me a long time but after a bit more than a year it is my second home. You’ll gain a level of comfort over time and you’ll probably end up being the life of the class next year.
 
Statius said:
Thank you very much for your heartening replies!

I’m going to try to speak up a little in the small groups at the next session on Tuesday - hopefully the subject will be something I can find something to say about! I think it probably is a matter of confidence as much as anything. I’ll be sure to let you know how I’m going on 🙂
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It definitely gets easier as you go.

Keep in mind that just as you gain from the observations and insights of others, they’re going to gain by knowing about your insights.
 
Hi Statius,

Your post really resonated with me. It sounds as if we have travelled a similar spiritual path. With the exception of my very intense Bible study while a United Methodist (‘86-96’). I am absorbing a lot and just letting it all sink in so I don’t say a lot at the RICA meetings.

I think it is a good thing to sit back and see what everyone thinks.
 
Statius said:
The trouble is I find myself being very quiet during the group discussions. I rarely have anything to say. …I do like the meetings, and it is good to be in the company of such good, insightful people. I think it is beneficial for me to be there, but I do worry that, keeping quiet as I do, they think I’m rather standoffish.

Does anyone have any advice for me, please?
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if you are anything like me (yeah, i know there is no one like me… :hypno: and I’ll bet many are glad there is only one of me… 😃 but in any case, i digress :)…

if you are like me you will eventually outgrow this reticence… if you attend daily Mass, say your rosary and give God everything (try to… not always easy)… There are some things i (for some reason) don’t feel like giving to God…

Of course, that’s not a problem for God - He just takes everything away from me anyway…

but its all that kicking and screaming I don’t like… 😃

anyway, i digress again…?

All i know is that Jesus brought me out of my shell better than anyone ever could…

True, a lot of people wish i’d crawl my sorry a-- back into that shell, but whatever… 😃
 
Ask what is on your mind dont be afraid of what u are gonna say … its the sponsors duty to try to answer the questions you have… ASK ASK ASK ASK dont stop questioning … just ASK !!! FEAR is whats gonna stop your faith from GROWING… Matt 10:26-30
 
Thank you again for the encouragement. I finally figured out that since the reading for the week is always the gospel reading for the following Sunday, I can look it up and give it some consideration beforehand, which is helpful. Anyway, this week, I had a couple of small comments to make and managed to introduce myself a little better to the rest of the group. And now I can’t wait for next Tuesday 🙂
 
Hi Statius

Dont worry about being quiet at the meetings, im really quiet at mine and it takes awhile to get to know everyone in the group, especially if its a large one!

There are 8 people in my group - a full mix of people and after a couple of weeks i knew all of them and were now like a mini family!

How about a little suggestion of Tea/Coffee after your meeting - always a good time to get to know your group!
 
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