Sibling Rivalry

[PelagiathePenit]

I luv my youngest sister.
I think she is nicest person I have met.
At times, I feel jealous or I believe there is more 4 me 2 learn from her than the opposite way.
I am older, I should be the more mature 1.
I compare our spiritual lives.
Many of the sins or temptations I easily fall into, she, 4 whatever, does not.
There r not many distinct faults or flaws of hers.
She is surely not perfect, but for most part just under radar.
There is not much to comment or correct her on.
She corrects me and other family members often.
She is the most clear-minded & rational.
She has never really done anything harmful 2 others or wrong.
She is much more independent, carefree, fearless, secure & compassionate than me.
Im not terrible person but I feel that way when I notice how irrational, possessive, I can be.
Nothing seems 2 bother her 2 much.
Haha. What does not annoy me?
I need more help in areas, she does not.
I notice we are growing spiritually in different ways.
I luv my sister but how can I accept our natural differences?
How can I luv & appreciate my youngest sister w/o feeling envious, threatened or inferior?
Mostly importantly inferior.

 

[Xantippe]

I luv my youngest sister.
I think she is nicest person I have met.
At times, I feel jealous or I believe there is more 4 me 2 learn from her than the opposite way.
I am older, I should be the more mature 1.
I compare our spiritual lives.
Many of the sins or temptations I easily fall into, she, 4 whatever, does not.
There r not many distinct faults or flaws of hers.
She is surely not perfect, but for most part just under radar.
There is not much to comment or correct her on.
She corrects me and other family members often.
She is the most clear-minded & rational.
She has never really done anything harmful 2 others or wrong.
She is much more independent, carefree, fearless, secure & compassionate than me.
Im not terrible person but I feel that way when I notice how irrational, possessive, I can be.
Nothing seems 2 bother her 2 much.
Haha. What does not annoy me?
I need more help in areas, she does not.
I notice we are growing spiritually in different ways.
I luv my sister but how can I accept our natural differences?
How can I luv & appreciate my youngest sister w/o feeling envious, threatened or inferior?
Mostly importantly inferior.

I have a book for you to read. It’s C.S. Lewis’s Till We Have Faces, and it’s about two sisters, one young and beautiful, one ugly, and it’s told from the ugly sister’s point of view.

I don’t want to spoil it for you, but I think you’ll get a lot out of it.

 

[chaplainmom]

I am so sorry that you feel inferior to anyone including your sister who you need to see all the time. Have your parents given you the impression that she is superior to you? Have you been affirmed for your talents? Are you willing to accept the affirmation of others? Are you able to take joy in the many ways that you are different than your sister? These are all issues to talk to with a professional counselor. You do not have to go through life feeling this way. God makes each of us a different part of the body of Christ. (1 Corinthians 12:12-27). May God help you to know and embrace your true equality as a beloved daughter of God with your sister.

*One Body but Many Parts
12 There is one body, but it has many parts. But all its many parts make up one body. It is the same with Christ. 13 We were all baptized by one Holy Spirit. And so we are formed into one body. It didn’t matter whether we were Jews or Gentiles, slaves or free people. We were all given the same Spirit to drink. 14 So the body is not made up of just one part. It has many parts.

15 Suppose the foot says, “I am not a hand. So I don’t belong to the body.” By saying this, it cannot stop being part of the body. 16 And suppose the ear says, “I am not an eye. So I don’t belong to the body.” By saying this, it cannot stop being part of the body. 17 If the whole body were an eye, how could it hear? If the whole body were an ear, how could it smell? 18 God has placed each part in the body just as he wanted it to be. 19 If all the parts were the same, how could there be a body? 20 As it is, there are many parts. But there is only one body.

21 The eye can’t say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” The head can’t say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” 22 In fact, it is just the opposite. The parts of the body that seem to be weaker are the ones we can’t do without. 23 The parts that we think are less important we treat with special honor. The private parts aren’t shown. But they are treated with special care. 24 The parts that can be shown don’t need special care. But God has put together all the parts of the body. And he has given more honor to the parts that didn’t have any. 25 In that way, the parts of the body will not take sides. All of them will take care of one another. 26 If one part suffers, every part suffers with it. If one part is honored, every part shares in its joy.
*
27 You are the body of Christ. Each one of you is a part of it.

 

[Xantippe]

Also come to think of it, there’s a quote that goes like this, if two people were exactly the same, one of them would be unnecessary.

I’ve normally seen that applied to married couples with different personalities, but it’s just as true of siblings. If you were exactly the same, what point would there be in there being two of you?

 

[Irishmom2]

Isn’t this really the same thing you discussed already on another thread you started recently?
It is only you that can stop the comparisons with your sister. It is only you that can change yourself or be happy with the person you are. It does no good to speculate on why she is one way and you are not. If she has positive qualities you admire, emulate them. Ask her about how she does things. How can you accept your differences? By accepting your differences and making positive changes where you desire them.

 

[holyrood]

She corrects me and other family members often.

Maybe I’m mis-seeing things as a result of my own family of origin dynamics, but this one line jumped out at me, amidst the many glowing attributes of how wonderful and (nearly) perfect she is. You say of course she’s not perfect, but then go on to say all wonderful, glowing things about her apart from this one line.

To me, this sounds like some family dysfunction in which one child has been raised to believe she’s the Golden Child, while another is constantly being put down, and corrected, and the other siblings (or one other sibling) comes to believe that they are within their bounds to correct one or more family members at all times, while being above reproach, themselves. Sometimes other family members come to believe this narrative, too.

I think a person who portrays themselves as perfect while frequently correcting others is going to draw some ire. Maybe she should look at herself and her own behavior. I assume you’re both adults? At a certain age, we do not continually correct other adults. To do so is to treat them as children.

 

[Winter_Warlock_1]

Pela,

Do not worry about how your sister is. You cannot compare yourself to her or anyone else for that matter. No matter what there will always be someone who is: taller than you / smarter than you / better looking / stronger (for guys that workout) / faster / etc. You cannot compete with the world (even if you start with a sister or brother) you will never be the best at everything.

The thing is: do not look at how someone else is – look at how you are. I am very sure that you have some great qualities that others, maybe even your sister, is jealous of. Just from your post everyone can see that you are humble, loving towards your family, that you strive to be a better person and a better Christian. Those are some awesome gifts.

So no need to be jealous of your sister. Be proud of who and how you are. I think that a lot of people here on the forum are proud of you just by what you have posted.

May God grant you peace and happiness now and always.

Winter