SIL asking for ABC help

[yessisan]

I have a SIL who is 23 yrs old, living with a married “Catholic” man (only married by a JP, but still married)… long story… but every time she gets her head into switching ABC methods, she calls ME! She was a JW and now is a “Catholic” again. No matter how many times I tell her bad things about ABC, she calls me to get my “opinion” and also to ask what I know about the certain ABC method she’s planing on using (my minor in college was human sexuality, so she knows I know about all this stuff)…

Anywho, 2 days ago she calls me and leaves me a voicemail saying she had a question about the “ring”. When I began seeing her brother, now my dh, I gave her a diamond promise ring my ex-fiance gave me when we first began dating. He didn’t want it back and I didn’t want it so I gave it to her, so I thought she had a question about that ring. I thought maybe she wanted to sell it and was going to ask if I was ok w/it. So I called her back but it turns out she was talking about the ABC ring.

When I was naive about the Church, I used this method of ABC, so she thought I was the perfect source of information since she didn’t understand what her dr told her. I tried telling her it was bad, dangerous and how it causes early miscarriages but she kept on going on about how she’d just try it, etc etc etc…

Why on earth come to ME??? Then she had the guts to ask what I was avoiding pregnancy with assuming I use ABC when I’ve told her a million times I use NFP. Since she knows I just had a d&c 2 wks ago and I had said I don’t want to get pregnant any time soon since I am afraid of miscarrying again, I guess she thought I meant I was going to use NFP.

Well, I told her I wasn’t using anything. Then she started asking about my intimate life with DH (her brother!!!). I hate to talk about our intimate life and of course I would never tell DH’s sister things. That’s just sick!

Anyway, long story coming to an end… how do I make her stop asking me these things? She and I were really good friend before DH and I married and she’s my favorite SIL from dh’s side but I hate it when she does this. I asked DH to tell her to stop but he says I should tell her straight to her face… wouldn’t it be better if DH told her? What can I do to make her stop?

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

Yessi, tell her straight out about your feelings. Tell her that you do not use ABC, tell her the reasons you personally don’t like it, tell her it goes against our faith.

Truthfully, she just might not even realize it goes against our faith…not everyone has a good working knowledge of what our faith entails.

Even me, I went to Catholic school all my life, and really did not internalize that the Church was correct on this issue. I thought in was “optional”. In the past, I’ve used condoms and the Pill. It took a while for me to believe the Church.

She might not believe you, and still do what she wants, but at least you tried giving her the truth.

 

[thenewmrssears]

Funny. Last night I had a friend email me about IUDs. Asking which one I recommended.

Why she thinks I would know I have no idea. I work in the corporate world…and have a degree in English Literature.

She has approached me about ABC before…she’s Catholic but only in the fact that she says she is. Pro-choice and pro-gay marriage really don’t make a Catholic…nor does sleeping around.

Anyway, I digress.

I emailed her back with the link to Taking Control of Your Fertility’s website. I sent a brief message that I use NFP which she already knew, and I really had no advice.

Then I said please stop contacting me for ABC advice, because it makes me uncomfortable to know another “Catholic” is using ABC. As her friend, I think it is best that she use NFP and I can recommend nothing else.

It looks like you may have to say something similar. I hate when people make these sweeping generalizations. Just because I don’t have kids doesn’t mean I’m popping a pill or inserting plastic whatevers into my body!

 

[yessisan]

You know, I have told her ABC is wrong and actually, I even gave her a brand new copy of the book “The Art of Natural Family Plannig” from ccli in Spanish. I had bought it for DH so he could read along with me when we were learning it. I gave it to her with the hopes it’d give her an idea that sex is only for marriage and that ABC is bad… didn’t work I guess.

I have also told her she cannot go to communion if she does ABC but she doesn’t believe me… She plans on having one child with the married man and then having a tubal litigation, which I have also told her goes against the Church, but since her sisters have done it, she doesn’t believe me.

Maybe she’s just doing this to find out info from us I have no idea why she wants to know details of our intimate life. She actually asked how long it’s bee since we’ve been intimate that way. Since she knows I was high risk in my pregnancy, she knows pelvic rest comes with that, but why on earth want to know about your own brother’s sex life with his wife???

Either way, whether it was for her to get correct info from me about ABC or info on our intimacy, I don’t like it.

I think DH told her once to leave me alone with that, that’s when she asked the last time (before I gave her the NFP book). But then when I gave her the book, she’d call me so I could explain what the book was saying… I don’t get her.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

**Yessi, you need to tell her flat out that your sex life is private and you will not be discussing it with anyone but your hubby. And tell her that if she wants info on ABC to ask her doc. If she doesn’t understand her doc she needs to ask for clarification. If she continues to ask you, develop a simple answer and keep repeating it…repeat repeat repeat…eventually she will get the message.

Something like, I can’t help you with that. I do not use ABC because it goes against my faith. If she continues either change the subject or cut the conversation short. **