M
mariagoretti24
Guest
How much are we obligated to discuss with a Muslim on moral issues? One of my best friends is a Muslim and she’s been seeing a married man. They both have the intention of marrying after he divorces his wife. My friend tells me that nothing sexual has happened between them and that he was going to divorce his wife just the same before she met him.
I understand according to Catholic morality that this would be gravely sinful. However, I’m not sure how serious Islam would view this, but I would assume it would be considered to be just as serious a matter. It’s been difficult to get a clear answer from her on this. I asked her if what she was doing would be considered a sin, and she said yes. I asked her what happens in her religion if someone sins, and she said that God forgives them when they ask. I then told her that in my religion, every sin incurs a debt that must be repaid in this life or the next. I asked her if her religion had a similar teaching and she said no. That was really my only attempt to try to make her see the seriousness of her actions. I will occasionally I’ll bring up how much divorce hurts children (the man has a child) and she’ll just nod her head and agree. However, she thinks that ultimately the child will benefit from the divorce (which is probably true, and the divorce sounds like it’s justified, but justified or not, he’s still currently married). But besides that, I’m not sure how to go about telling her that I don’t approve in such a way that’s she doesn’t respond too negatively, or if it would be prudent to even do that.
She’s told her family about her intentions and they’ll all against it, though she says that they’re against it primarily because he’s not from their country. She’s devastated because she needs to have the approval of her parents before marrying him and it doesn’t look like that will happen. Right now she feels rejected by her family and says that she only has me to talk to about this. Given the choice between him and her family, she says she’d choose her family. She says that no one has ever made her as happy as he has and that he has told the same thing to her. In the few times that I’ve seen them together, I can definitely see that they’d make a wonderful couple together.
So, suffice it to say, she’s in a very tender state right now. I realize that she really can’t deal with a lecture on morality right now, but I’m wondering what I’m obligated to say to her.
Early on when she first started talking to him I cautioned her several times to be careful. She always assured me that they were just friends. Later on when I realized that it had become more serious, I encouraged her to end the relationship. She did for a time and I encouraged her through that time telling her she had made the right decision and advised her to cut all ties with him. Unfortunately, it wasn’t long before the relationship was repaired. I told her then that I wasn’t happy to hear about that. She assured me that they had no future; they were just friends. Weeks went by and I didn’t ask her about him. Last week she’s told me that he’s converting to Islam and that they’re planning on marrying after his divorce. I mostly listened when she told me this. Also, I just want to let you know that in an effort to type this out faster, I’ve been quite straightforward in relating what I’ve said to her, but it might be helpful to know that I’ve never talked to her about issues of morality as bluntly as I wrote it here. I’ve been very careful to gently make my feelings on this matters known to her, and now I’m wondering if I’ve been cowardly and should have been more straightforward in the earlier stages of the relationship. Now it’s almost too late.
I’m wondering what if I’m obligated to say anything else to her about this relationship than what I already have. I’m also wondering if I can still be as close of a friend to her if she’s doing something gravely immoral. Also, am I able to be around them both while he’s still married? Would being around them mean that I’m giving my approval of their relationship? Does her being Muslim and having a different morality change any of this?
I understand according to Catholic morality that this would be gravely sinful. However, I’m not sure how serious Islam would view this, but I would assume it would be considered to be just as serious a matter. It’s been difficult to get a clear answer from her on this. I asked her if what she was doing would be considered a sin, and she said yes. I asked her what happens in her religion if someone sins, and she said that God forgives them when they ask. I then told her that in my religion, every sin incurs a debt that must be repaid in this life or the next. I asked her if her religion had a similar teaching and she said no. That was really my only attempt to try to make her see the seriousness of her actions. I will occasionally I’ll bring up how much divorce hurts children (the man has a child) and she’ll just nod her head and agree. However, she thinks that ultimately the child will benefit from the divorce (which is probably true, and the divorce sounds like it’s justified, but justified or not, he’s still currently married). But besides that, I’m not sure how to go about telling her that I don’t approve in such a way that’s she doesn’t respond too negatively, or if it would be prudent to even do that.
She’s told her family about her intentions and they’ll all against it, though she says that they’re against it primarily because he’s not from their country. She’s devastated because she needs to have the approval of her parents before marrying him and it doesn’t look like that will happen. Right now she feels rejected by her family and says that she only has me to talk to about this. Given the choice between him and her family, she says she’d choose her family. She says that no one has ever made her as happy as he has and that he has told the same thing to her. In the few times that I’ve seen them together, I can definitely see that they’d make a wonderful couple together.
So, suffice it to say, she’s in a very tender state right now. I realize that she really can’t deal with a lecture on morality right now, but I’m wondering what I’m obligated to say to her.
Early on when she first started talking to him I cautioned her several times to be careful. She always assured me that they were just friends. Later on when I realized that it had become more serious, I encouraged her to end the relationship. She did for a time and I encouraged her through that time telling her she had made the right decision and advised her to cut all ties with him. Unfortunately, it wasn’t long before the relationship was repaired. I told her then that I wasn’t happy to hear about that. She assured me that they had no future; they were just friends. Weeks went by and I didn’t ask her about him. Last week she’s told me that he’s converting to Islam and that they’re planning on marrying after his divorce. I mostly listened when she told me this. Also, I just want to let you know that in an effort to type this out faster, I’ve been quite straightforward in relating what I’ve said to her, but it might be helpful to know that I’ve never talked to her about issues of morality as bluntly as I wrote it here. I’ve been very careful to gently make my feelings on this matters known to her, and now I’m wondering if I’ve been cowardly and should have been more straightforward in the earlier stages of the relationship. Now it’s almost too late.
I’m wondering what if I’m obligated to say anything else to her about this relationship than what I already have. I’m also wondering if I can still be as close of a friend to her if she’s doing something gravely immoral. Also, am I able to be around them both while he’s still married? Would being around them mean that I’m giving my approval of their relationship? Does her being Muslim and having a different morality change any of this?