Sin to move away from elderly parents?

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MarthaSo

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Hi. My husbands job may have an opportunity for us to move to a different state with nice home and good schools. We grew up in terrible crime infested areas and worked out way into renting in a nicer area. My father and mother are 90 and 80. My eldest sister lives near them and she has a good job and I know she can care for them if anything happens. (otherwise I wouldn’t even consider it)
But, my mom and dad will be sad to see me leave and although I really want to move I feel like I’m doing something wrong because I don’t know how often I’ll be able to afford a plane ticket for the entire family to visit but this is our chance to finally own an affordable home in a safe area.

I don’t want to displease God because I want to move into a new state where there is opportunity for my family to finally be in a nice home our first home and good schools. if it means abandoning (that’s what it feels like) my parents. Even though I would look for a home with a mother in law suite I think they call it, fir them.

Thank you.
 
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If the new job is substantially better pay, you could work extra travel into the budget.
 
You need to do what is best for your family Martha. Your parents will miss you certainly, but rapt the same time, they know in their hearts that you have to do what is right for your family. You should seize the opportunity that has presented itself and work on the details of visiting later.

CajunJoy is right, get your sister to help FaceTime with your parents and it will be easier for all involved to see you move away.
 
The only time it might be a sin to leave elderly parents is if they were somehow dependent on you for their daily care, in which case you would have to make reliable arrangements for their care before you went anywhere.

Many people move some distance from their parents for work or spouse’s work. It’s expected in today’s society, and not considered a sin. In some cultures it may be considered culturally inappropriate, but the US Is not one of those cultures.
 
For this reason a man shall leave father and mother and cleave unto his wife, and they shall be two in one flesh.
–the words of Christ. Go with your husband, MarthaSo.
 
Here are a few verses from the Bible for you to consider. Take care and God bless you in this difficult decision.

Genesis 2:24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one body

Ephesians 5:31 “For this reason a man shall leave [his] father and [his] mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

Exodus 20:12 Honor your father and your mother, that you may have a long life in the land the LORD your God is giving you.

James 1:5 But if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God who gives to all generously and ungrudgingly, and he will be given it.
 
I would make sure to discuss it thoroughly with your sister so you have a mutual understanding that she’s going to provide the care as you mention. Many people in their early 90s need care during the day (working hours).

Edited to add: Care at night is also a major consideration, depending on mobility. There could be ongoing lack of sleep for the care provider.
 
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Thank you. They don’t depend on me for daily care but I’m the one that helps my father making any calls he needs. Which i can still do thankfully.
 
I would definitely speak to your sister. My Grandparents sound like your parents this time last year. They were very independent and they are a similar age.

However, my Grandmother had a stroke this year and her care needs have overnight changed. They now need a lot of daily support whereas before they needed very little.

Both their children live close by and are able to share the responsibility in their change of needs.

Would your sister be resentful or be able to manage a situation like this on her own?
 
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T432 said:
Would your sister be resentful or be able to manage a situation like this on her own?
Click to expand...
But you also need to ask if your husband and children will be resentful if they are denied the opportunity to live in a better, safer place with better schools and a potentially-better future.
 
The older my parents get, the more I wish I either lived near or had the means to visit them often.

Two of my siblings live near them, but, that is not the same as the time I have missed.

We moved all over the US for my career, now, I would have traded the big fancy job and paycheck and title for my son to really know his great grandmother
 
My older children know and love their grandparents. They are 20 and 18 . my little one is too young to form a lasting bond. We definitely won’t have a fancy paycheck or fancy house, just more affordable and in a safe area in this first opportunity that presents itself to our family.
 
I would think that as long as proper care is given via nurse etc its ok.

I would call everyday to chat in the beginning.
Your comittment is first to God and church and then your husband and children. But part of your childrens happiness may spending time with grandma and grandpa.

I would also pray to the Holy Spirit for discernment. My friend gets up at 4:30 am to clean until nurse comes. She helps with silly stuff such as who gets what part of the newspaper—and puts on thier favorite records. To me my friend is a saint.
 
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