Single mom of two

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caligirl

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Please pray for me.

I’m a single mom, annulment application in process, and am having a difficult time. I live in a predominantly Christian town, very near to a world famous non-denominational mega-church (Rick Warren anyone), and even members of my immediate family attend there (sister and mom). I’m converted to Catholicism about 10 years ago at age 30. I was in a deeply flawed marriage at the time, and am now divorced after he abandoned me and our two kids.

The struggle I’m currently having is that I feel that our parish doesn’t have a ministry dedicated to single parents like other area protestant churches do. I am welcome to attend their gatherings, but it feels wrong and I don’t want to go there. We have a women’s ministry at my church but it’s all ages, and frankly, I don’t have much in common with stay at home moms or retired ladies. We just aren’t walking the same walk. I would much more relate to other single moms trying to keep it all together, home, work and personal life.

Also, I struggle with the loneliness my life brings. The marriage is not yet annulled, if it will be (although both a canon lawyer and my deacon both think I have a favorable case) and I’ve been alone for almost 4 years already. The process could take up to 2 years more.

All I’ve ever wanted is a family. I love my children. I want to share my life with a Godly man, and raise my family. Is that so wrong?
 
I don’t know how old your kids are, but you may want to reconsider the women’s group at your church. I am not sure that it should matter what age or where we are in life to be with other Catholic women. Perhaps if you have some idea of what you would like from a group that this group isn’t giving you, you could somehow introduce that into the group, or start one of your own.

The stay at home moms might need your experience and the retired ones may have already been where you are. Do you see how that could be a support where everyone gets something out of the group?

I understand the loneliness you feel. I had a family member go through an annulment. Please know that it does eventually end. Friendship, love and ultimately marriage can be in your future. It happens all the time. Wait for God’s time. Until then, just be patient. Go to church, keep busy with your children, and go to the church group. You never know who you will meet through it’s members. 😉

And you know that you will have as many friends here to fill your loneliness as you would like to make. This website is a blessing to so many people. 🙂 May God bless you.
 
Irishmom2 said:
I don’t know how old your kids are, but you may want to reconsider the women’s group at your church. I am not sure that it should matter what age or where we are in life to be with other Catholic women. Perhaps if you have some idea of what you would like from a group that this group isn’t giving you, you could somehow introduce that into the group, or start one of your own.

The stay at home moms might need your experience and the retired ones may have already been where you are. Do you see how that could be a support where everyone gets something out of the group?

I understand the loneliness you feel. I had a family member go through an annulment. Please know that it does eventually end. Friendship, love and ultimately marriage can be in your future. It happens all the time. Wait for God’s time. Until then, just be patient. Go to church, keep busy with your children, and go to the church group. You never know who you will meet through it’s members. 😉

And you know that you will have as many friends here to fill your loneliness as you would like to make. This website is a blessing to so many people. 🙂 May God bless you.
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I couldn’t have said it better myself. What a great place this is.
 
Loneliness is a terrible thing but don’t let it lead you into a hasty marriage/relationship that will be trouble in the long run. Things take time to work themselves out.
 
Have you considered that maybe this is God’s way of calling to start such a group or ministry in your local parish? You don’t need experience. The group is just women in similar situations meeting together to share. Last time I checked, we women know how to do that naturally!

Just check with your priest and see if you can start something up. Out of your own pain you may be able to bring relief to other hurting women!

I started up a group in my church years ago for married women who were married to unbelieving husbands. It was unbelievable how well received it was.
 
Caligirl, it’s a really hard interim time for you.
I hope you can find friends amongst the young Catholic moms.
Maybe you might later speak to the priest and get some courage to put a note in the parish newsletter/bulletin-board to start a little group for anyone like yourself. This could be a great blessing for them and you
 
You aren’t alone when you have Christ. I am divorced and my marriage has been annulled and I have been single for over 6 years. Sometimes I do think it would be nice to have a Christian husband but I decided that my children come first. It isn’t always an easy road bringing in a step parent and/or step children, and sometimes honestly I think it might form part of our burden at times doing it alone, but the reality is many others from various walks of life have their own burden and when one places their trust in Christ it does get easier and less lonely.

I stopped going to mass for about 9 months after my marriage failed and I thought no one would understand how come I was divorced but I got friendly with some older ladies and I found out most of them had children that had gone through what I’d gone through or other issues so I realised that I wasn’t so alone in my situation as I thought. Also I made a few friends at my kids Catholic school and you might find that there are women who don’t have practicing husbands that might also feel lonely in their faith due to that.

One of my best friends is a single mother I met at a Catholic event outside our parish and my other single parent friends aren’t all christian, some aren’t even religious, but that is ok. I found God sent people to me or me to them or both over the years since my marriage failed.

Most parishes have various groups one can volunteer for. Even going on the church cleaning list you meet people or communion to the sick I had a list of the other volunteers names and phone numbers and everynow and then someone would ring wanting to swap their day so we’d have a bit of a yak. I’ve gone on my own to Catholic events such as a short course in something Catholic and met people. And I think what you also have to understand is that you don’t necessarily have to find Catholic friends who are single parents. We all belong to the one faith. I prefer to think of it as we are members of the faithful who have different backgrounds. And we have to make an effort as well. I found I had to get out there myself. It wasn’t all going to come to me. I used to take my daughter when I visited the sick with communion and met people. I joined some parish groups and met people. I went up and introduced myself and met people. I attended Catholic events and met people. And I am or was an extremely shy person so one can do it. And as at least one other has mentioned, you can put a notice in your church bulletin. One couple in my parish puts on arvo tea for newcomers regularly.
 
First off living in the “prosperity gospel bible belt”, I am shocked you are not happier! 😛
I am sorry you are isolated. Women’s groups are hard when you don’t fit the “profile”.
I am also sorry your husband abandoned you.

You may want to start group or if that’s overwhelming, how about joining another group?
Anything you like, exercise, volunteer etc. And can you talk to people processing annulment?
Sometimes it helps to know where they are in process.

Hang in there- enjoy your children and keep us posted.
 
I agree with the others that getting to groups in general at church may pleasantly surprise you. If you feel that you have the time, it wouldn’t hurt to try to start a group yourself.

You are in my prayers! Hang in there and be strong!
 
Interesting.

Divorced? No room for you.

There is no room for you in the Catholic religion.

A solution? Create space for yourself. Make room.

The result? People yell at you for trying to make changes to a religion that apparently shouldn’t change. Either conform with ancient understandings of spirituality and science, or get cast out.

Not cynical, I just struggle with it myself. I feel like I’m (pretty much) just fine morally, but religiously I’ve never fit in. It’s almost like the two don’t go hand-in-hand anymore… It’s more about rules than about spiritual & emotional health…
 
Hmmm. I’m divorced and Catholic. I’ve never been told or treated as though there is no room for me. On the contrary. Sometimes attitude is everything.

Blessings to all us single Mom’s out there!
 
I’ve been single with two small boys for the past three years. I have also found it a bit challenging to find my place. The two ministries which I’ve felt the most at home in are catechesis and retreat promotion. That’s just me, that’s what I’ve been able to find that has been the most welcoming, where I’ve felt both needed and supported.

I actually found this thread while searching for a group of single catholic moms on this site. If I don’t find one, I’m going to create one! We have very specific challenges and need support in those challenges!

Come back here often. Don’t feel lonely, JESUS and MARY are ALWAYS with you! You always always have GOD’s love!
 
BeeSweet said:
I’ve been single with two small boys for the past three years. I have also found it a bit challenging to find my place. The two ministries which I’ve felt the most at home in are catechesis and retreat promotion. That’s just me, that’s what I’ve been able to find that has been the most welcoming, where I’ve felt both needed and supported.

I actually found this thread while searching for a group of single catholic moms on this site. If I don’t find one, I’m going to create one! We have very specific challenges and need support in those challenges!

Come back here often. Don’t feel lonely, JESUS and MARY are ALWAYS with you! You always always have GOD’s love!
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Agreed! Post the link to it here please…
 
In_Training said:
Interesting.

Divorced? No room for you.

There is no room for you in the Catholic religion.

A solution? Create space for yourself. Make room.

The result? People yell at you for trying to make changes to a religion that apparently shouldn’t change. Either conform with ancient understandings of spirituality and science, or get cast out.

Not cynical, I just struggle with it myself. I feel like I’m (pretty much) just fine morally, but religiously I’ve never fit in. It’s almost like the two don’t go hand-in-hand anymore… It’s more about rules than about spiritual & emotional health…
Click to expand...
I sometimes feel this way myself…
 
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