Single preparing to be married

[danny_polak]

Hello Everyone,
I am a relatively new convert from Protestantism … I am divorced for some time and intend to find a woman who can be my friend (a practicing Catholic) and eventually my wife. So once married, the act of consummation (act of copulation) where she is the loving receptive Bride and he the Groom who offers himself to her, body, mind & spirit is the Consummation of the Sacrament of Marriage.
This Marriage Sacrament being now a ‘shadow of the things to come’, pointing to the Marriage of the Lamb where we all, men & women become the Bride, who with longing awaits her Beloved Groom. As everything this side of Life it is only a ‘shadow of the things to come’, thus at ‘the Marriage of the Lamb’ the delights associated with this would be much greater and superior and simply beyond description and understanding of our current earthly existence and experience.
Now back to my situation and only an earthly experience of this, be it the best possible. In my Protestant background I don’t remember ever discussing this with anyone as we saw no need for it. So one did his best to prepare for his Bride.
As my future Bride will most likely be a lady beyond her child-bearing age which reveals my approximate age one pays attention to the “Use or lose it” principle in everything in this life. A man who loses his wife may spend years without any sexual activity. Upon finding a woman whom he marries he may discover to his dismay that he lost his capacity for erection. A little thing like that. But this will no doubt contribute to his anxiety … thus a vicious circle of no consummation may start leading him to doubt that he married a “right” woman. For it is hard for him to soar like an eagle when he seem to be simply a turkey. And this simple difficulty may prevent him from entering the “… mind and spirit” part of the act.
But being a protestant, the man will practice some masturbation without ejaculation, as he may also discover that in later years this type of sexual encounters with his wife not only extends his longevity of a good ‘sexual condition’ but delights him in being able to satisfy his Bride by staying in her and with her as long as she desires that. So with his wife he ejaculates only when his body indicate a need for this but exercising his judgement considering his condition and age.
Nevertheless, before marriage a Catholic will still call this ‘Masturbation’ … after marriage, practicing the above with his wife it would be interfering with the Sacrament of Marriage, if the purpose of sexual encounter is not only coming together for the consummation of the Love they share, body, mind & spirit, but also fulfilling the commandment of being fruitful i.e. procreation. Would not the total abstinence from sexual encounters in the marriage situation be denial of both? … in the case of being ‘beyond her child-bearing age’ one can not fulfil the commandment of ‘being fruitful’ anyway …
I would greatly appreciate responses/reflections of committed believers both men & women.
Regards, yours in Christ
Concerned

 

[Pfaffenhoffen]

Hello Everyone,
I am a relatively new convert from Protestantism … I am divorced for some time and intend to find a woman who can be my friend (a practicing Catholic) and eventually my wife. So once married, the act of consummation (act of copulation) where she is the loving receptive Bride and he the Groom who offers himself to her, body, mind & spirit is the Consummation of the Sacrament of Marriage.
This Marriage Sacrament being now a ‘shadow of the things to come’, pointing to the Marriage of the Lamb where we all, men & women become the Bride, who with longing awaits her Beloved Groom. As everything this side of Life it is only a ‘shadow of the things to come’, thus at ‘the Marriage of the Lamb’ the delights associated with this would be much greater and superior and simply beyond description and understanding of our current earthly existence and experience.
Now back to my situation and only an earthly experience of this, be it the best possible. In my Protestant background I don’t remember ever discussing this with anyone as we saw no need for it. So one did his best to prepare for his Bride.
As my future Bride will most likely be a lady beyond her child-bearing age which reveals my approximate age one pays attention to the “Use or lose it” principle in everything in this life. A man who loses his wife may spend years without any sexual activity. Upon finding a woman whom he marries he may discover to his dismay that he lost his capacity for erection. A little thing like that. But this will no doubt contribute to his anxiety … thus a vicious circle of no consummation may start leading him to doubt that he married a “right” woman. For it is hard for him to soar like an eagle when he seem to be simply a turkey. And this simple difficulty may prevent him from entering the “… mind and spirit” part of the act.
But being a protestant, the man will practice some masturbation without ejaculation, as he may also discover that in later years this type of sexual encounters with his wife not only extends his longevity of a good ‘sexual condition’ but delights him in being able to satisfy his Bride by staying in her and with her as long as she desires that. So with his wife he ejaculates only when his body indicate a need for this but exercising his judgement considering his condition and age.
Nevertheless, before marriage a Catholic will still call this ‘Masturbation’ … after marriage, practicing the above with his wife it would be interfering with the Sacrament of Marriage, if the purpose of sexual encounter is not only coming together for the consummation of the Love they share, body, mind & spirit, but also fulfilling the commandment of being fruitful i.e. procreation. Would not the total abstinence from sexual encounters in the marriage situation be denial of both? … in the case of being ‘beyond her child-bearing age’ one can not fulfil the commandment of ‘being fruitful’ anyway …
I would greatly appreciate responses/reflections of committed believers both men & women.
Regards, yours in Christ
Concerned

I would advise you not to think that much.
You are trying to deal with all the possibilities of life which is impossible.
I would advise you to have practical lessons instead to remain in theory only.
Practice will lead you to knowledge.
In fact, your theory is pretty cool ans I think it is enough; what you need now is action…

 

[juno24]

Hello Everyone,
I am a relatively new convert from Protestantism … I am divorced for some time and intend to find a woman who can be my friend (a practicing Catholic) and eventually my wife.

Welcome, Danny! I agree with Pfaffenhoffen; you are thinking much too far into the future. Unless you have obtained a decree of nullity, you are not free to marry anyone, whether she be Catholic or not. Work on that first, then, if it is granted, work on finding that suitable wife.

 

[Rob_in_Oregon]

As far as a man’s functioning goes, for young men, the primary determinant is the emotional loving and caring between husband and wife. If there’s something wrong emotionally between the two of them, he might not function very well.

If everything is okay emotionally, it might just be his age that prevents him from being effective. A lot of guys over age 40 start to have problems, and practically every guy over 50 needs help, regardless of what he did when he was single. Don’t assume there’s something wrong with your wife.

Also, don’t assume there’s something wrong in the marriage relationship if things don’t work perfectly. Check with your doctor if you’re getting into middle age. Some men run off with younger women looking for eternal youth, but it won’t help, and families are destroyed in the process.