Singles: What if we were "Not Single"?

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iwillrisenow

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A bit of a wild thought entered my mind today and I thought I’d share it, just in case it resonated with some of my fellow “singles” (we’ll get to that in a moment).

What if, instead of thinking of yourself as “single” you thought of yourself as “not single”?

Think about it…

When I think of “single” as a status, I think of being alone, being left behind somehow, or lacking in some way.

I think of the lifestyle choices that many associate with the term in mainstream culture, choices that are often reflected in popular movies and tv shows.

But those of us who are serious about our faith and discerning God’s will with regards to relationships do not follow this lifestyle, are never alone, and are not lacking. No. We are **all **always “in a relationship” with God. We’re “taken”…by the Holy Spirit.

We sometimes talk about singleness as if it is some kind of a condition or problem…when I think about being single, “the single life”, etc. I feel as though I have to claim some sort of status that implies a certain degree of independence, of self-sufficiency.

But we all know that we are wholly reliant on God. We trust Him. We need Him. And He’s always there. Our faith calls us to always live in relation to others…even when it seems impossible…even when our only connection to others is through prayer.

What do you think about embracing your "not single"ness?
 
I found the fact that the Catholic church considered singleness a vocation, to be very comforting. It is the only church I’ve found that does so. I once belonged to a church which wouldn’t let me head the church singles group as I was not married!!!
 
iwillrisenow said:
A bit of a wild thought entered my mind today and I thought I’d share it, just in case it resonated with some of my fellow “singles” (we’ll get to that in a moment).

What if, instead of thinking of yourself as “single” you thought of yourself as “not single”?

Think about it…

When I think of “single” as a status, I think of being alone, being left behind somehow, or lacking in some way.

I think of the lifestyle choices that many associate with the term in mainstream culture, choices that are often reflected in popular movies and tv shows.

But those of us who are serious about our faith and discerning God’s will with regards to relationships do not follow this lifestyle, are never alone, and are not lacking. No. We are **all **always “in a relationship” with God. We’re “taken”…by the Holy Spirit.

We sometimes talk about singleness as if it is some kind of a condition or problem…when I think about being single, “the single life”, etc. I feel as though I have to claim some sort of status that implies a certain degree of independence, of self-sufficiency.

But we all know that we are wholly reliant on God. We trust Him. We need Him. And He’s always there. Our faith calls us to always live in relation to others…even when it seems impossible…even when our only connection to others is through prayer.

What do you think about embracing your "not single"ness?
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I know God is with me always and he is all I need. However, I think I would still long for the love of a woman. Maybe one day I wont. Either because I will find my partner or I will have no choice but to accept that I am to remain single until I die. But as for now, I am always reminding myself that I am not alone, God is with me. But the fact is still, when it comes to Relationship status, I am single and I desire the touch, love and friendship of a woman. So I talk to our Lord about this all the time, because he is always with me 🙂
 
Falco said:
I found the fact that the Catholic church considered singleness a vocation, to be very comforting. It is the only church I’ve found that does so. I once belonged to a church which wouldn’t let me head the church singles group as I was not married!!!
Click to expand...
How ironic! Only married people can lead single people, in a group FOR single people.
 
Well said. And well timed! Been having some issues in that part of my life. I really needed to read that, so thank you!!
 
LaughingBoy1503 said:
I know God is with me always and he is all I need. However, I think I would still long for the love of a woman. Maybe one day I wont. Either because I will find my partner or I will have no choice but to accept that I am to remain single until I die. But as for now, I am always reminding myself that I am not alone, God is with me. But the fact is still, when it comes to Relationship status, I am single and I desire the touch, love and friendship of a woman. So I talk to our Lord about this all the time, because he is always with me 🙂
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I know - you may share a belly laugh with God, but you can’t hear his laughter. Settling down to watch a soppy movie when you need someone to put your arm around. You get a raise in salary, and need someone to take out to dinner. Dinner for one is soul destroying - I gave up dining out alone as I used to go home and cry.

It took me to the age of 61, and I had officially prayed myself into giving up the search, when a series of miracles brought the right man into my life - a lovely widower. If my previous relationships had worked out, I would have been unhappily married to someone else, and missed the glory of this wonderful man. I couldn’t have designed him better myself, in fact, he is everything I ever wanted, and a few things more that I had never thought of.
 
Dear i,
Code: 
 It is true that God is w/us & within us...our heart. He will always be so.,however   i'm   not a saint, nor a priest, nor nun.   While still here on earth ,i would very much  like  a "significant other"  as  companion, best friend, lover, mentor, spouse a  co journey-er  this part of  my journey back to God.

    Even Adam was given a companion;  & he  was with  God in paradise.
God is w/us single or married.
Code: 
    I have come to accept & trust in God  to provide what i need.   I too struggle with my desire for marriage.   But, i have come to accept , if it is indeed 
   God's will  i'm single here on earth, then so be it.   But if it is His will that i'm to have a companion, He will surely provide & bless.... certainly, i hope this  
   the case, but only in HIS time  & purpose(s)  4 me.
I’ve rejected proposals of marriage., After much struggles, I listened to what my heart & mind ‘told’ me, that it didn’t feel right… & i didn’t like it.
Code: 
  It's difficult  bc i wanted these things, &   'rationalizing'  that there wasn't any  good reason why i should reject. bc of desires, wants, pressures of society , community,  friends,  family, culture are/is  strong.
I , hope, God’s plan for me include matrimony & family.
However, choosing what i, or anyone else ‘wanted’ 4 me , never works out… Personally, others shouldn’t be innocent by standards.
If married & family, i would’ve resented & regretted my decision based on ‘wants’.
Resentment(s) manifested in how i treated my husband, children, myself & my surroundings. I wouldn’t want anyone through my personal resentments &
disappointments, burdens, regrets - the: what could’ve, should’ve, but wasn’t.
i don’t believe it fair to them, myself or God ,nor beneficial or healthy .
Code: 
  I'd be unhappy , eventually,  if granted my  wants  & not what God  plans 4
me. Giving into pressures & desires, i would’ve been unhappy
knowing i really never truly love the other & with time, i may come to
respect my husband , but knowing, in my heart, i didn’t truly love him , its unfair to him , me, & we would be miserable.
Even if don’t tel him, i believe he would “know”. In addition, it’s unfair, i’m not w/ the person God had in plan & through my humanly desires, i’m with a
person who’s not the person planned 4 me.
Code: 
  Other people , we're  supposed to be with,  may be in the same situation.    Because God loves us, sometimes He grants our prayers, but we 
  eventually  "pay"  4 our choices that  affect, perhaps,  another 's  life ( lives).
Look at marriages/ families/relationships from giving into wants/desires, I rarely see a true “match made in heaven”. Sadly, i see husbands & wives who continue being miserable for the sake of “the family” or ea. other.
Code: 
  U  are not alone, we're  all social  'animals'.  God will always be with us if our hearts are open to HIM.   As  strong the temptation , don't  give into your  desires,
 it'll  make yourself or others miserable.  I don't hink it  a "christian" thing to do.  It isn't  4 me.  I am most beneficial to God's plan 4 me if i trust in only HIM.  I know He will reward me w/things i didn't even know of.  ........' I give you a new commandment, do onto others as u do onto Me...do onto others as you would have them do unto you.."...

  Because God loves us so much He sometimes grants our requests...but nothing is ever free.    Yes,  God loves us & forever so, that doesn't mean He 
  approves of our erroneous choices.  It 's the  erroneous choices that we must rectify before let back into our Father's Home.

    I hope this helps you & others like us.  Be strong & may yours, mine,  &  others faith be a source of courage , strength, & love.

  "...Jesus beheld [them], and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible."
 
I take offence at the word ‘single’. The proper expression is ‘old bachelor’. Thank you. 😛

Also, if I were not single, chances are I’d be getting cheated on, nagged, ignored, vilified, whatever. If I want a woman to ignore me, I don’t need to marry her to achieve that. If I suddenly miss nagging, that too can be arranged without much hassle.
 
EasterJoy said:
Do you mean this?
nwjesuits.info/ACTS/archives/3932
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Perhaps not quite? Without revealing too many of my vocational discernment cards here, I’m thinking less about vocational celibacy and more about an acknowledgement of a connection to God and to others, even within our so-called singleness. I’ve read and heard a bit about the intentional single life but…again, not quite. Rather than choosing to forego a relationship, it’s choosing to forego a relationship* unless * it is prayerfully discerned to be God’s will.

Also, I’m not a dude, so yeah…that got awkward kinda fast… 😉 No worries, perhaps there are some fellas out there who will find this useful 👍
 
I am not certain of my vocation, but currently single. If I were not single (i.e. involved with someone or married), I would probably be miserable.
 
iwillrisenow said:
Perhaps not quite? Without revealing too many of my vocational discernment cards here, I’m thinking less about vocational celibacy and more about an acknowledgement of a connection to God and to others, even within our so-called singleness. I’ve read and heard a bit about the intentional single life but…again, not quite. Rather than choosing to forego a relationship, it’s choosing to forego a relationship* unless * it is prayerfully discerned to be God’s will.

Also, I’m not a dude, so yeah…that got awkward kinda fast… 😉 No worries, perhaps there are some fellas out there who will find this useful 👍
Click to expand...
Maybe not the positive choice for celibacy in general, but definitely the choice to see yourself as being completed by God and by your current place in the Body of Christ, rather than as “a lone mitten” looking to be completed by finding your mate.
 
EasterJoy said:
Maybe not the positive choice for celibacy in general, but definitely the choice to see yourself as being completed by God and by your current place in the Body of Christ, rather than as “a lone mitten” looking to be completed by finding your mate.
Click to expand...
Yes, precisely. Nicely put 👍
 
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